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Thankfully, it seems I'm getting past the initial side effects from the Covid vaccine. But, it was not a fun couple of days. As it is, I had to call, in sick to work this morning because I'm still dealing with the headache and fatigue. Yesterday I spent all day in bed, sleeping a good chunk of it away. I had a mild fever, muscle aches, the aforementioned fatigue and headache. I'm not super eager to see how I respond to the second dose next month, as it's said the side effects tend to be more intense. But, all this suffering and few days worth of inconvenience is going to be worth it.
You're not a friend. You're someone who likes to tear me down so you can have a laugh. Unfortunately for you, I'm not so easily broken anymore. I'm in a place where I don't need validation from the men in my life like I used to. I'm in a place where I actually feel pretty darn good about myself. I have my issues, but overall, I'm happier just being who I am. So being told I'm not a "real woman" or whatever other nonsense gets thrown at me by people who are a step lower than garbage, means nothing to me. I'm happy. I'm genuinely happy with my life and how I view myself. So, try as you might, you're not going to tear me down. I'm not going to put up with harsh words one minute and then you telling me you miss me the next. I know your game, I'm not going to play it.
You're saying it publicly so I'll apologize publicly. I don't remember talking with you but, I believe what you say that I said. You're an honorable person.
No, I'm no one's friend. At all. But I do apologize, I was wrong and I have no shame in saying so. I don't mean to tear you down, you're someone that I like. I like to see you strong and I hope you continue to be so. I am less than garbage, you're exactly correct.
PRIVATE ENTRY
09:21 Mar 20 2021 Times Read: 1,364
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PRIVATE ENTRY
22:21 Mar 19 2021 Times Read: 1,407
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21:54 Mar 19 2021 Times Read: 1,433
If it were, you'd be one of the first put to death. Hey, maybe that's not such a bad idea after all.
And just how am I desperate? Unlike some, I stick with one person for extended periods of time. So, nice try, but no.
PRIVATE ENTRY
14:53 Mar 16 2021 Times Read: 1,488
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01:36 Mar 11 2021 Times Read: 1,603
"...I was angry and hurt. No excuse, merely explanation. ...but burn I will, because I'm already in a hell of my own making. I will not try to escape it, for I belong here.
I ruined everything between us and for that there is no redemption nor solace, not that I deserve either.
Live a good life, Nicole. That is my wish for you. That you live a life that proves to the world how I always saw you and was amazed by you, back before this...madness. Back before I ruined a good thing. Maybe one of the last good things I had.
You were always the one I would have traveled down the rabbit hole with. But my fate is no longer tied with yours it seems. Should you ever need me. For anything, be it money or advice or...a punching bag, the offer is there. But I will respect your wishes. I'll send your money and then will take my leave."
It's hard to walk away from someone who meant so much to me for so long. He was right when he said that we were never perfect together, but we always had each other's backs. Because we did. But somewhere along the way it got all fucked up, so much so that it couldn't be fixed. I'll miss my best friend, my companion, my soul mate, my Nite Owl, but in the end, this is what had to be done. I'll always love him, he'll always have a place in my heart. Maybe, somewhere down the road, we can reconnect. But for now, he cannot be a part of my life.
Why can't they see what I see?
Why can't they hear the lies?
Maybe the fee's too pricey for them to realize
Your disguise is slipping, I think you're slipping...
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