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7 entries this month
Reflections14:25 Oct 29 2024
Times Read: 84
A mirror stores and reflects only what it is given be it darkness or light, beauty or bane. If one should look into a mirror and not like what one sees then perhaps next time one should look within thy self.
Discovery22:00 Oct 26 2024
Times Read: 116
So I have been given both time and reason to contemplate lately and have come to both a realization and acceptance. I am a Phsycic Vampire.
After doing much research on "energy vampires" and "phsycic vampires" I have come to realize what I have known on some level for years. I just never wanted to accept it, for all my love of Vampire movies and lore, I never wanted to be a vampire.
I always wondered why people referred to me as "tiring." Even when we hung out and had a good time after a while they always complained about being tired, drained, or exhausted while I felt full and energized and ready to go. I was unknowingly feeding off of them.
When I'm in a crowd or around others and any sort of drama happens and others shrink and move away I have always felt drawn to it like I can't get close enough like I need to be closer I can almost feel the energy like a hum.
Unfortunately my reluctance to accept and ignore over the years has caused my ability to grow unchecked and one could say out of control. I have found that I have often hurt others on an emotional level simply to get a response to inflame their emotions. I never knew why I did it I just did and have always felt satisfied afterwards.
Anyways I don't know when a vampire judges they're awakening. Is it when you first realize what you are or is it the first time that you can remember being this way? All I know is that coupled with the recent awakening of my spirit animal (dragon) this feels like an inopportune time.
Sometimes Nothing is Something22:26 Oct 16 2024
Times Read: 252
While thinking about my past few years I have come to realize that at times nothing can be something. I spent years where I had nothing. No family, support, car, home of my own, money, internet, phone,ECT ECT. Looking around I kept thinking I ain't got shit in my life.
Now looking back I realize I did have something. I got to be free of the stress of bills, I had the freedom to do almost whatever I wanted all day everyday, and most importantly I had one of the most loyal friends a guy could ask for. Thats made me realize that everyone has something even if they can't see it.
See the universe abhores emptyness and does everything it can to fill it. This is a scientific fact, even the vacume of space is not completely empty. So the next time you are thinking you have nothing look around you're just not looking hard enough or recognizing what you have. It doesn't have to be physical.
If you've looked and you still think you have nothing then feel free to message me. I'll be your friend I'll be your something. There are 1,440 minutes in a day I can spare a few for you.
Rebirth Anew05:54 Oct 16 2024
Times Read: 282
So a week ago I thought to myself "well that's just fucking awesome" when my boss went coo coo and fired all his workers and a weeks long slow meltdown. After a week of puttering around wondering what to do I had a realization. I can do whatever I want now. After years of having to do what others want I can do whatever the fuck I want to. So I've decided to go back to school for my Associates in Information Technology and Web Design. I'm going to be my own boss and if I ever decide to fire myself well then it's my own damn fault.
But I've decided to follow and dream that had almost withered and died on the vine. I filled out my application last Friday and as of today am a full time registered student with student ID picking my classes for the winter semester. In less than 5 days I've managed a Rebirth and repurpose of myself being born Anew. I have also decided to pick my new name currently deciding between RyuJin and Kimyōna ten no ryū
Lost and Found07:30 Oct 15 2024
Times Read: 314
Once upon a time I knew who I was and what I wanted in life. I was arrogant, egotistical, and generally what I would refer to as a stuck up ass. All decisions were made with the end goal of what will it do for me. If the answer was nothing then I did nothing. If the answer was that I would gain from the situation then I took all I could and a little bit more. Generally I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire if it would inconvenience me. That was who I thought I was. I wanted to be alone but to have the companionship of a warm body to entertain me when I was bored but otherwise be left alone. I wanted to get something for nothing in every aspect of my life but refused to give something to those who had nothing. That was who I thought I was and what I wanted. I was lost in self delusions of my own making molded and put in place carefully through the years. Those were the impervious walls of my grand castle I had constructed to keep the world out. But the universe has a way of breaking down even the most well constructed fortifications.
Fast forward 15 years after losing everything and being laid bare with my faults and weaknesses exposed for anyone to see and I have now Found myself. I am not egotistical I value everyone's opinion. I am not arrogant for I am no longer above nor below anyone I am an equal. I now go out of my way to help others if its within my power to do so and sometimes even if it's outside my power. I no longer simply want a warm body for my convenience but wish for a companion and equal to walk whatever might remain of my life's path by my side. My only regret is that it took so long to see what was within me the whole time.
Alternative Worlds03:05 Oct 14 2024
Times Read: 344
I was thinking to myself today and I thought many get the feeling of not belonging. Many feel as if they don't belong in their current location while others might feel out of time. Others feel as if they are in the wrong body. But most can tell you where they feel they belong. Someone might say "I should be living in such and such place" another person might say "I should have been born 200 years ago". Many feel as if they are in the wrong sexes body.
But then I thought what if none of those apply to you. What if you know like really know inside that you belong someplace, sometime, or somebody else but you can't find a place, time, or body in this world or time to which you should belong? Then I thought maybe this helps prove the existence of Alternate Worlds. After all if you are physically here then you belong somewhere the universe doesn't waste and if it created you then you have a place. But what if you were simply misplaced into the wrong Universe kind of like being put on the wrong shelf. I think I had too much Captain...my spelling is too good.
Unknown Blessing06:41 Oct 11 2024
Times Read: 400
So after having a difficult time finding a job I manage to find one earlier this summer. I didn't really like the work but it paid very well. Unfortunately 2 weeks ago my boss had a freak out and fired everyone who worked for him. I was disappointed at first missing the money but now I realized that I can return to my original path of furthering my education through college.
So what it first seemed to set back and something bad I realized is really an unknown and unforeseen blessing enabling me to return to the path which I belong.
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COMMENTS
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Joli
17:21 Oct 29 2024
Each day I like what I see just a little more. You're very right...it takes internal work to get there.
Cadrewolf2
19:27 Oct 29 2024
A mirror is a false illusion what lies within you is the real person.. just be yourself and the goal shall be reached
gothicdragon
20:51 Oct 29 2024
Agree with you both