The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

16:24 Apr 30 2009
Times Read: 587

Things I am sitting here wondering about today:

1. Why does a person feel the need to either post in a forum or their journal every few minutes throughout the day? Do they honestly need that much attention from others?

2. How does one person come off sounding like a total idiot, but seems to have a very good and clear picture of html code? Are they just playing at ignorance?

3. How can I learn to tolerate annoying people better?

4. How do you ignore someone when you cannot hit the ignore button?

5. How am I going to react if what I am dreading in a certain place happens? Can I honestly be a hypocrite enough to just swallow it and pretend nothing’s wrong? Or, do I voice my opinion and then find a way to leave?

6. When will this illness/flu I have had this week finally subside?

7. Reading along someone’s many annoying little posts and journal entries I have to wonder where they find the time to take care of their toddler child, or how do they provide for them when obviously they do not work and are a single parent?

8. Is it even noticeable that I stopped responding to an individual?

9. Wondering when the head to desk thing is going to begin to have permanent damage?

01:00 Apr 27 2009
Times Read: 607

This has been one of those up and down kinda days…my sister-in-law called me at 8 this morning and woke me up to see if I wanted to go into town with her. Part of me wanted to roll over and groan just go away and leave me alone, but then the practical side kicked my ass and said nope, get up and finish the grocery shopping. So up I got and was out the door before 9 am.



Got back got the stuff put away, looked online for a meat slicer, I think I finally have it narrowed down to the one Robert wants me to have. I picked out one that is 40.00 less than the he picked, but I guess I have to admit in a lot of things you do get what you pay for and on this particular appliance I think he might be right in thinking, don’t go cheap. Then as I was talking to him he decided that I should get a second food dehydrator since I am really enjoying the other one I bought last month, he said he wants one for fruits and vegetables and the other to make jerky only…don’t really know why I need two but ok.



I sat down outside on my front porch and thought I would choke to death trying to swallow back all the emotions and tears that suddenly griped me around the throat as I saw my plant of Bleeding Hearts in full bloom. I couldn’t help but think of Mother and how last year I called her all excited because I had found one just like hers and asked her where she thought I should plant it in the yard. We had the best conversation that day and it just overwhelmed me this morning that I can’t hear her laugh anymore. She’s been floating in and out of my thoughts all day today.



Then I got on here, rated profiles, read the posts in the coven, responded as I should to those that I could. Looked at a few other things, exchanged emails with a dear friend, and saw that my latest poem was added to the database. That last part should make me happy but it doesn’t why should it? It’s only going to be down rated again by that woman who seems to have a problem with me. Bad enough she does it from one profile, but she does it from all of her profiles. I guess having an alliance with the covens doesn’t really mean shit, does it?



So there ya have it, my day in 5 paragraphs or less. I woke up, shopped, had one of my crying jags and then came here to make my day complete with other peoples foul attitudes, rudeness and cyber bullying…yeah…yippie yahoo, do I get a lollipop now?

Bless your heart.
06:13 Apr 22 2009
Times Read: 618


Okay, there is a little story behind this piece I am including here, actually there are two stories, and I will explain them both.



A few years before my Mother passed away, I read this piece and it made me chuckle and I just knew she would get the biggest kick out of it, so I sent it to her.



Now for all of you who know nothing about Mother let me say just this, she was a very critical lady with large opinions that she had trouble at times suppressing without pissing everyone off within a ten mile radius!



Upon reading this she quickly adopted the saying, “Bless Her/His/Your Heart!”



It became a private joke just between her and I and one I will forever treasure!



Now as to the second story. My entire family is from the south, from West Virginia down to Florida, so the southern accent has always been rather thick. However, I am the only one born north of the border as they call it…north of the Ohio River line.



Being raised in a home where everyone speaks with that sweet mixture of Kentucky/Tennessee/West Virginia slow drawl you cannot help but adopt the same speech patterns. My entire life has been one moron after another teasing me over this little accent. When I married the first time, my accent was a source of great ridicule, a very convenient weapon for verbal abuse. I struggled with ‘speaking properly’ to avoid such times.



I still have it there, it doesn’t come out as thickly as it did once upon a time, and it rarely rears up and presents itself every time I am around my southern family members who call or come for a visit or when I am overly tired or just totally ticked off…But as I sit here like I am tonight letting nostalgia take me away to better times and I allow myself the little luxuries of remembering loved ones who I held in such high regards, I decided no more fighting it…Bless my own little heart, and theirs, because those lovely and charming Southern roots sure do run right deep! I hope Y’all enjoy the read!



Bless Your Heart

Author Unkown



Someone once noted that a Southerner can get away with the most awful kind of insult just as long as it's prefaced with the words, "Bless her heart" or 'Bless his heart." As in, "Bless his heart, if they put his brain on the head of a pin, it'd roll around like a BB on a six-lane highway." Or, "Bless her heart, she's so bucktoothed, she could eat an apple through a picket fence."



There are also the sneakier ones that I remember from tongue-clucking types of my childhood: "You know, it's amazing that even though she had that baby seven months after they got married, bless her heart, it weighed 10 pounds!"



As long as the heart is sufficiently blessed, the insult can't be all that bad, at least that's what my Great-aunt Tiny (bless her heart, she was anything but) used to say. I was thinking about this the other day when a friend was telling me about her new Northern friend who was upset because her toddler is just beginning to talk and he has a Southern accent. My friend, who is very kind and, bless her heart, cannot do a thing about those thighs of hers, so don't even start, was justifiably miffed about this. After all, this woman had CHOSEN to move south a couple of years ago "Can you believe it?" she said to my friend. "A child of mine is going to be taaaallllkkin' a-liiiike thiiiissss."



I can think of far worse fates than speaking Southern for this adorable little boy, who, bless his heart, must surely be the East Coast king of mucus. I wish I'd been there. I would have said that she shouldn't fret, because there is nothing so sweet or pleasing on the ear as a soft, Southern drawl. Of course, maybe we shouldn't be surprised at her "carryings on." After all, when you come from a part of the world where "family silver" refers to the large medallion around Uncle Vinnie's neck, you just have to, as aunt Tiny would say, "consider the source."



Now don't get me wrong. Some of my dearest friends are from the North, bless their hearts. I welcome their perspective, their friendships and their recipes for authentic Northern Italian food. I've even gotten past their endless complaints that you can't find good bread down here. The ones who really gore my ox are the native Southerners who have begun to act almost embarrassed about their speech. It's as if they want to bury it in the "Hee Haw" cornfield. We've already lost too much.



I was raised to sware, not swear, but you hardly ever hear anyone say that anymore, I sware you don't. And I've caught myself thinking twice before saying something is "right much," "right close" or "right good" because non-natives think this is right funny indeed. I have a friend from Bawston who thinks it's hilarious when I say I've got to "carry" my daughter to the doctor or "cut off"" the light. That's OK. It's when you have to explain things to people who were born here that I get mad as a mule eating bumblebees.



Not long ago, I found myself trying to explain to a native Southerner what I meant by being "in the short rows." I'm used to explaining that expression (it means you've worked a right smart but you're almost done) to newcomers to the land of buttermilk and cold collard sandwiches (better than you think), but to have to explain it to a Southerner was just plain weird.



The most grating example is found in restaurants and stores where nice, Magnolia-mouthed clerks now say "you guys" instead of "y'all," as their mamas raised them up to say. I'd sooner wear white shoes in February, drink unsweetened tea, and eat Miracle Whip instead of Duke's than utter the words, "you guys." Not long ago, I went to lunch with four women friends, and the waiter, a nice Southern boy, you-guys-ed all of us within an inch of our lives. "You guys ready to order? What can I get for you guys? Would you guys like to keep you guys' forks?"



Lord, have mercy. It's a little comforting that, at the very same time some natives are so eager to blend in, they've taken to making microwave grits (an abomination), the rest of the world is catching on that it's cool to be Clampett. How else do you explain NASCAR tracks and Krispy Kreme doughnut franchises springing up like yard onions all over the country?



To those of you who're still a little embarrassed by your Southernness, take two tent revivals and a dose of redeye gravy and call me in the morning.



Bless your heart.

04:22 Apr 20 2009
Times Read: 644

It’s really awful when a few people with a cruel personality streak ruins a place you enjoy.

But that is exactly what is happening. Right now I wish I hadn’t invested money, as nominal as it was into this place.

I don’t know what it is about this one lady on here, what I ever did to annoy her, especially since I have never even spoken to her, not even the first damn time, and honestly, I don’t want to…heard nice and good things about her but all I have ever seen from her is her caustic attitude and behavior. She is the truest definition of someone with a toxic personality.

Then if that wasn’t enough there are few others that I shouldn’t feel the way I do about, but there is just something not quite right with them that makes me want to take a step back and go hmmm.

Well, I think it’s time to do what I do best, pull back. I know it’s a bad habit, but one that was instilled in me a long time ago during my first marriage, when I was physically attacked, beaten, raped, ridiculed and made to feel insignificant. I wish I had better control over that, especially after 15 years but sadly I don’t. Whenever I come across certain types of toxic individuals I simply just shut off until I can find the strength to say “no more.”

Time for me to be quiet for a while, I guess. For now it's rating profiles and things in the database, and not much more...no more poems, and I will just do what I "have" to do, nothing extra.

17:10 Apr 13 2009
Times Read: 670

HEHEHEHEHEHE!!!! IT worked!!! YEaaaaaaaaaa for me!



My husband the truck driver calls me several minutes ago, he wears a Bluetooth so hands free to stay on the wheel…and I hear him start cussing, nothing unusual there---so of course I do the ‘dutiful’ wifely thing, you know the drill here, you ask although you aren’t really all that interested in REALLY knowing what burr is up his ass this time…anyway, he says he missed his turn. Do you have any clue how many times a week I hear this from him? So, I am listening, well ok, I’m hearing him but really not paying THAT much attention to all the huffing and puffing and swearing because I am thinking back to the time he was in driving school and they dubbed him “Wrongway McCarthy” and thinking to myself this probably isn’t the best time to ask him “hey, do you remember that?” but instead I make the suggestion that he call back when he isn’t so out of sorts and busy…yeah, ok. He replies back to me that it really doesn’t matter, in other words, “no hun, stay on the line and listen to me throwing a fit!” (now’s the time for my famous eye rolling thing). So I said, “Okay then, I’ll just sit here and listen to it anyway.” (smiles) He actually said, “Just call me back later.” He ACTUALLY got the hint that I didn’t want to sit here and listen to the whining! Yeahhhhhhhhh, my little explosion from last week is still working!

06:52 Apr 11 2009
Times Read: 681

Trust is at the core of every relationship, be it parental, teacher and student, a professional relationship like that of a doctor and patient; a friendship, and of course a trust between love interests. Trust is everywhere and in all relationships. So what happens when trust is breeched and or lost? Is there a way to regain it?



Trust is the one thing that holds you together in all your relationships. If someone violates that trust, they are in essence invalidating the entire premise of the relationship. This is not an easy thing to fix and, to be honest; many relationships never recover from it.



The person who has violated the trust has to realize it is their responsibility to rebuild that trust, and blame shifting is the quickest way to prove that the relationship cannot ever be repaired for the victim involved in a situation. It can easily take the person who is the "victim" weeks or even months to just come to terms with it, let alone begin to rebuild what was lost.



Rebuilding trust is not a quick-fix issue. It is a long term project that needs work from both parties. The person who caused the rift has to work daily on rebuilding the trust. The person who was violated needs to find the emotional strength to trust again, and that isn’t always so easy to do. Sad part in some of this is who the person was that broke the trust, say it was a friend, it can sometimes cause the victim to question not just the motives of the person who broke their trust, but sadly it can sometimes cause them to question others around them, make them suspicious of other friends and their motives. Right, wrong or indifferent, it does happen and when it does it isn’t all that uncommon to see the ‘victim’ pulling away or pulling back and not being the once outgoing individual they once were.



How ironic that one act of broken trust perpetrated by one individual can have so many far reaching tendrils affecting more than just their initial victim.

On the war path!
23:37 Apr 08 2009
Times Read: 695

Well, for anyone following the BS going on around my home, today, a few minutes ago in fact, Mom went into MEGA Bitch mode and exploded!



I took one day---one day for myself today and was having a girls day out with my sister-in-law who said she had a surprise for me. Now, she knows of course all about everything going on here at home with the adult kids moving back in, how they talk to me and make demands, she also knows about how my husband has been for quite a while which isn’t too far behind what the kids have been doing if not in his case a little worse…



Anyway, I informed all of them I would be away today----one lousy damn day. Could they allow me that one tiny luxury? Pfttttt…hell no!



Robert called me 8 different times while I was out, twice while I was visiting my cousin, getting to see her for the first time in 40 years! 40 years!!!! That was my surprise by the way.



Daughter Gabby called 4 times, demanding to know where I was, when I would be home, telling me I needed to get home because she just HAD to do get this paperwork done ASAP for her FAFSA for school. Needless to say she has waited until almost the last minute to do this of course. On the 4th call I blew with her…and told her that procrastination on her part did NOT constitute an emergency on my part.



While my sister-in-law and I were driving back into town and stopping briefly to check out the new elementary school to see if the new playground equipment had been set up yet or not so she can take her grandchildren there to play on weekends she and my brother are babysitting I get a call from my oldest daughter, Sarah.



Sarah had left on Monday to go to stay at my nieces place for a few days and she was wanting to know why I wasn’t answering the door. I told her maybe it was because I wasn’t home like I had said I wouldn’t be today. She then got pissed off and demanded to know when I would be back. I answered her saying that I was up at the school and was headed for the house then….she then said, and I quote…”So, you’ll be here in 3 to 5 minutes? Because Tiff is on a tight schedule and I am going into the city with her to help her paint the new house, so you need to be here within 3 to 5 minutes!!!!” Now, typed out I know that you cannot possibly hear the tone in which this was said, but I will tell you now it was said as an order and not a simple question, nor was it even remotely close to a polite request.



All day long, it has been one urgent phone call after another from 3 different people making one demand after another, there have been no polite requests, or even hearing the words, “please could you, when you get or have the chance…?” Nope, it’s one rude remark and demand after another.



The last phone call was the last straw. I exploded.



My sister-in-law and I pull up out front, she jumps out of her car and yells, “3 to 5 minutes??????!!! Tight Schedule???!!! Kiss my ass!”



Then I in my state of ‘explosion” began telling off both young ladies. My niece then tells me I can just shut up and stop yelling at her because SHE doesn’t want to hear it…About this time neighbors are looking out of windows and or coming outside. When I was done informing them that I nor her parents existed in this world to make sure that everything including ourselves did not exist to make sure that the rest of the world revolved around them I saw hints of smiles on the faces of several parents up and down the street. I also told her I didn’t give a good GD what she did or didn’t want to hear. I had a few more words with Sarah, who decided to finally shut her mouth and get in the car and they left.



Then as his bad luck would have it, Robert called and I laid into him as well. Enough is enough, these people have pushed and shoved and demanded one time too many, and they ALL got told today to shut the fuck up and do it their own damn self!



All I can say now is---------NEXT?

Oh and by the way, I am planning on a NEW girls day out on Friday---without my cell phone!

How to be a Healthy Empath
23:11 Apr 07 2009
Times Read: 699

How to be a Healthy Empath by The Spiritualista

http://www.ehow.com/how_4661511_be-healthy-empath.html



Introduction

Being an empath can feel like a curse at times, but it's not. It's an intuitive gift that comes with some responsibilities and care. It's a gift that can help you feel your way through life in a positive way if you know how to keep yourself clear of external distractions and negative energy.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

Things You'll Need

Sage

Sea Salt

Bath/shower

Time outdoors

Journal

Educational reading

Detox

Flower essences

Energy healing



Steps1 Step One

Empaths must learn the difference between their feelings and the feelings of others. One way to tell is to practice noticing how you feel before an interaction and how you feel after. For example, if you feel tightness appear in your throat out of the blue while talking to someone and it lingers after you've left followed by a sense of grief and uneasiness that you didn't feel before, you picked up their stuff.



2 Step Two

Start asking yourself, "does this emotion/pain belong to me or did I absorb it from someone else?" Sometimes it will be your stuff, but it's important to recognize when it's not so you can have a better understanding of your sensitivities with people.



3 Step Three

If you pick up an emotion that doesn't feel like yours, it has to be cleared or it will linger and make you feel miserable. If these energies aren't cleared in the long-term it can lead to illness. This is why it is vital for empaths to clear their energy field and make that their number one self-care priority.



4 Step Four

Don't apologize for your sensitivities. That would be like apologizing because you're allergic to grass. It is what it is. Honor your sensitivities. If you don't feel like going somewhere, don't. If you don't like the way you feel when you're around someone, don't hang out with them. Trust what you feel. This is your source of intuitive power intended to help you.



5 Step Five

Because their feelings are so strong, empaths can feel whether a situation is good for them or not good for them. When empaths go against what they're feeling, they will feel very stressed and may even end up berating themselves. Please trust your connection to this world. You have a gift.



6 Step Six

Use your passion to make a difference. If you feel upset over an injustice, do something about it. A happy empath is one who feels they are part of a solution to the problem - apathy is not in their dictionary.



7 Step Seven

Other intuitive feelings empaths might experience are chills/goosebumps when hit with a feeling. They may also feel when energy enters their system, especially their heart and solar plexus in what feels like a whack or thud in these areas. When something doesn't feel right they may have physical tension in their chest or gut other part of their body.



8 Step Eight

To clear other people's energy from you, sage your house, take a sea salt bath or better yet go in the ocean. Use a chakra clearing CD like Chakra Healing with Archangels (see resources below). Play joyful classical music or other healing music in your house. "Protected" is a powerful energy clearer for you and your home. (see resources).



9 Step Nine

It is highly recommended that empaths train in Reiki. Reiki will help you learn how to strengthen your energy field and clear negativity from your system. It is vital for empaths to have access to these energy healing tools. Reiki transmutes energy and since empaths absorb energy they will want to know how to transmute the unwanted energy they pick up!



10 Step Ten

Practice energy strength building exercises like chakra balancing, Tai Chi, yoga and meditation.



11 Step Eleven

Empaths are usually very sensitive to chemicals so it's important to avoid chemicals and processed foods.



12 Step Twelve

Empaths are also often sensitive to drugs and herbs so energy medicine, such as acupuncture, Reiki and homeopathy tend to help them most with healing.



13 Step Thirteen

Flower essences are incredibly helpful for empaths and highly recommended! (see resources)



14 Step Fourteen

Retreat! Some people may think empaths tend to be hermits. This is how empaths recharge. Their system can get overloaded with all sorts of energies and needs a break from everything to recharge. Take a break from all people - shut off the phone and spend quiet time. Try to get out in nature. You will return to feeling peaceful and like yourself after this much needed break.



15 Step Fifteen

Don't allow yourself to be a victim to the world around you. Sure, you may feel different and maybe even freakish at times. You may feel no one understands you, but that's not true. There are lots of empaths in the world who totally get it.



16 Step Sixteen

Accept that this is your sensitivity and instead of judging yourself, work with it. How can being an empath help you or others? Focus on this.



17 Step Seventeen

Learn how to make energy protection and clearing a regular part of your life, as natural for you as brushing your teeth.



Tips & Warnings

It is helpful to learn about the elements and how to balance them

Avoid harsh people and environments

Learn how to say no

Release guilt and feelings of obligation

Make sure you communicate clearly with people and that they communicate clearly with you

Be free to be exactly who you are and make no apologies

Empaths need to learn how to properly care for themselves to avoid depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia and other illnesses.

How to Know If You Are an Empath
23:10 Apr 07 2009
Times Read: 700

How to Know If You Are an Empath by Heather Monroe

http://www.ehow.com/how_4787772_empath.html





Introduction

An empath is a person who, without provocation, experiences the feelings of other people. For instance, Jane is an empath. She does not know Jill, who just lost her husband. Jill and Jane pass each other on the street, and instantly Jane is overcome by grief.



Psychic empathic feelings aren't always that intense. However, they can interfere with your daily life. If you have experienced emotions that diminish your capabilities and don't know why, you should read this article.



Things You'll Need

An open mind

Steps

1 Step One

Take a quick inventory. Empaths literally carry the world on their shoulders. They often feel drained after being around other people. For this reason they are usually introverted. Ask yourself, are you introverted because you truly enjoy time alone, or because you are saddled down with the emotions of other people? If the latter is true, you could be empathic.



2 Step Two

What types of people are drawn to you? Do some types avoid you? Empathy by definition is the ability to identify and understand other peoples emotions, feelings and motives. With that in mind, ask yourself if the bereaved, the poor, the victimized types are drawn to you while narcissist, liars and cheaters really don't want to be your friends. You see through them.



3 Step Three

What is your chosen profession and why? Empaths tend to be writers surprisingly. They have experienced just about ever emotion and have an uncanny ability to describe it in words. They also have a desire to help, and to understand themselves. Aside from writing, empaths are also great artists. Empaths who learn to shield themselves from other peoples garbage, make great doctors, psychologist, and clergyman.

How to Know if You're an Empath
23:10 Apr 07 2009
Times Read: 701

How to Know if You're an Empath by The Spiritualista

http://www.ehow.com/how_4661453_youre-empath.html





Introduction

Millions of people are empaths but have no idea. An empath is someone whose feeling sensory is extra heightened - they receive the majority of their psychic input from what they feel. It can be challenging for empaths to function healthily in society if they are unaware that they have this sensitivity.



Things You'll Need

Time outdoors

Time alone

Learning more about empaths



Steps

1 Step One

Do you ever feel like you're too sensitive for this world? Empaths often feel overly sensitive to stimuli around them. They can feel overwhelmed very easily when the energy they're exposed to is harsh and negative. Empaths are often mistaken for this being a sign of weakness. It is actually a great gift that must be recognized and worked with.



2 Step Two

Do you feel bombarded with energies and emotions when you talk to or are around people? Empaths can literally feel what other people are feeling. If someone has chest pain, an empath will feel that pain in THEIR chest. If they are around someone who is angry or depressed, they will feel angry or depressed. The same can be said for if they're around happy or excited people. They are human sponges.



3 Step Three

Do you find it difficult to watch intense movies? If you watch a disturbing movie and the feelings and images haunt you for hours afterward, there's a good chance that you're an empath. If you watch a movie and feel so absorbed with the character that you feel you become the character, that's a sign of an empath.



4 Step Four

Is it difficult for you to be around people in pain? Empaths feel emotion tenfold so not only can they pick up the physical and emotional pain of the person but their own pain is intense since they tend to have deeply compassionate and empathetic hearts.



5 Step Five

Do you find you sometimes lose your sense of self after you talk to certain people? People who have strong energies and personalities can dominate an empath since an empath can find it difficult to separate their energy from another. You may find yourself picking up someone else's mannerisms along with their beliefs, so be extra mindful who you choose to hang out with.



6 Step Six

Have you been told that you're neurotic and to "stop being so sensitive"? It can be challenging living with an empath, especially if the person doesn't know that they're an empath and how to help themselves. This judgmental attitude will only make empaths feel more isolated, alone and misunderstood.



7 Step Seven

Do you have heightened intuition? Empaths can often feel when something isn't right or when something is going to happen. They can be like weather indicators for future events. If an empath feels strongly about something, it's a good idea to take their intuitive feelings into consideration.



8 Step Eight

Do you love animals and children? Empaths often prefer being around animals and children because the energy feels gentler and calmer to them. As people get older they accumulate negativity and trauma, and this is what empaths are very sensitive to.



9 Step Nine

Do you get angry over injustices? Because empaths can feel the emotions of others, they will often get easily upset when they hear of an injustice because they can personally feel the outrage and unfairness. People may ask, "why do you care so much? It has nothing to do with you." For an empath, it feels like it happened to them.

16:37 Apr 06 2009
Times Read: 717

I am so tired and overly aggravated today that I just want to crawl back to bed, pull the covers over my head and tell everyone to go away and do whatever it is they want or need done “go do it yourself!”



I am soooooooooo ready for Robert to go back to work. It isn’t that we have been fighting or arguing, we haven’t. In fact he has tried his dead level best to be better this trip home. I think he finally understands just what an ass he had been and is really trying hard to make up for it. At least he is more tolerable on that level.



Where he isn’t being tolerable has been over his …hmmm…how to put this….he is acting like a pretentious ass? (rolling my eyes) I just keep wondering when the ‘newness’ of being back in school is going to run it’s course and he stops putting on a show of false superiority.



My God, are all college ‘freshmen’ so annoying? He’s been in school, what, all of 5 weeks? The thing I find the most amusing thing out of this is his memory problems. The man cannot remember that he bought me a kitchen tool that he specifically picked out not even a month ago…and he thinks he will remember enough of what he reads to take a quiz? Pulease…if I didn’t lay out everything for him when he is home he wouldn’t even dress himself right! This is a man that when we went to get our marriage license he had to call his sister to get their mother’s maiden name because he didn’t remember it! True story! I kid you NOT!





Urgggggg…and no that whole thing about Calgon take me away slogan…doesn’t freakin work, I’m still here, damnit!

my husbands get out of the doghouse gifts!
21:57 Apr 05 2009
Times Read: 729

It is going to take getting used to but this is my new keyboard…The elevated front is what is going to be hard to adjust to, but so far I think it’s going to really help with the carpal tunnel issue quite nicely.











True Seating Microfiber Executive Chair

Pneumatic height control

With tilt and lockout adjusts with a single touch.

Microfiber material

Soft and supportive construction.

Grove arms with upholstered arm pads

Provide comfort while working. Satin nickel finish makes it look really nice.

Waterfall seat edge

Provides added support and comfort.



I can't get over just how comfortable this chair is! It even has lumbar support so the small of your back is filled in by the cushion...the contouring of this chair is like none other I have ever seen! And I love the fact it isn't that stupid fake leather stuff you end up sticking to when it gets hot.

12:29 Apr 05 2009
Times Read: 743

Well, the husband read my journal entry, the rant I wrote about how he has changed and after reading his own words he realized just what an ass he has been for several months. He also realized the things going on here at home while he is away and has taken steps to help me and back me up over how our adult children have been treating me, our home and he is laying down the law to make sure it stops.



Normally I would be feeling pretty guilty about now for making him feel bad, I hate confrontation but will engage in it if I feel I am being backed into a wall. He does do so much for this family and I hate when he feels bad over things…but this time I am minus the guilt feelings because the things that have caused my stress levels to go so high has been his doing. The kids, sure, they have had played their part in it too, but when I can’t handle things because I start to shut down and pull away because someone has been acting like my abusive ex-husband, I begin to not handle them as well either. It’s like living in a constant state of fear and it locks me up tighter than a drum.



Anyway, he took me out last night, we had a really nice dinner, we talked and then he finally took me shopping to get my new keyboard that I have needed for almost a year. It’s amazing! I love this thing and the keys are so quiet! While we were there we noticed they had desk chairs on clearance and we sat down in one and it felt so nice! We have looked at desk chairs throughout the years and tried them out, some of them were pretty costly too, but none of them have ever felt like this chair did. We both fell in love with the comfort of it and when he saw the sale price he insisted that I get a new chair as well as the new keyboard.



Usually I hate it when he does this, it always makes me feel guilty to spend money like that on myself. But as he pointed out, the bills are now caught up, and things are looking a lot better, and he added he wanted to make up for how badly he has treated me for months. No, he doesn’t need to buy me things for me to forgive him…all he had to do was talk to me, apologize and truly listen to what I had to say. He did that, and as I was standing there trying to talk him out of buying both the keyboard and the chair I saw in his eyes just how important it was for him to be able to do this…so I relented and tried to accept the ‘gifts’ as graciously as I could. He did bring up one good point in favor of getting a new chair, I have had so many back problems for months now and because I do spend so much time at my computer and the old chair being broken down as badly as it was is probably contributing to that issue…time will tell if he was right, until then my butt is all comfy in my new chair, and the letters I am actually striking on the keyboard are really showing up on the screen without having to hit them multiple times before they appear! He’s just happy that I accepted these two things instead of buying a doghouse for him to sleep in!

17:03 Apr 03 2009
Times Read: 748

I am not liking my life around this house at the moment, in fact there are a few things that has me almost to the point of defecting and running away from it all.



One, my husband is due home late tonight. He is a truck driver and he is also in the National Guard. Now I DO have a lot of respect for our men and women in uniform, but Robert re-enlisting as he did after being out of the Army for 12 years was something I didn’t want, and tried my best to talk him out of, but like many things, he refused to listen and just as I predicted I am the one paying for his decision.



How many times did I hear it would help us out? How many times was I promised I wouldn’t have to concern myself with his uniforms and gear, since I adamantly disagreed with this decision of his?



Well it isn’t helping us out! In fact it is hurting us, deeply hurting us financially! Every time he has to stop the truck from rolling it costs us. Yes, I know he has to take time off for little breaks and come home and when he does that, yeah I know we aren’t making any money at all during those times. But, what so many people don’t seem to understand is that when a recruiter tells you “hey, it’s only one weekend a month and two weeks in the summer!” They freakin lie!



Trust me on this one, it is FAR FAR FAR more than one weekend a month and two weeks in the summer! They fail to mention that depending on your MOS there is also continued schooling you are required to take, which means you could be doing anywhere from one week to a month of continued education classes per year, and sometimes it is more than once a year this happens. They also fail to mention that other units within your state that are preparing to deploy may require the services of your unit to help them out, which means an extra weekend here and there could be thrown in as well. Then you have all the “FORCED” family activities where the soldier is not only REQUIRED to attend, but they are also required to bring along their wives and kids. But of course these are the “SMALLER” issues, you also have the issue and grave fear of the soldier being deployed overseas or into disaster areas like we all saw after hurricane Katrina.



Anyway, back to what I was saying about it costing us, especially now that we live an hour away from where his unit is located and we have no car for him to drive, which means he has to drive his semi to his weekend drills. Fuel for the truck to drive into the city, drive home, and back again the 2nd day of his drills costs us around, 180.00 per drill, basically what he makes from the National Guard for each drill. That is before you calculate the deductions they take out.



But, for Robert to take time off it can run us between 600 to 800 dollars per drill when the truck isn’t rolling, and THAT is only for two days…never mind what it costs us the two weeks in the summer when he has to do his A.T. You wouldn’t believe what it costs us then, and please keep in mind that we are STILL responsible to cover the cost of the weekly truck payments of just over 400.00 per week.



If I say anything, anything at all about any of this well, then I am being “non-supportive” and “anti-military” and I have even been accused of not being “AS” patriotic as his ex-wife, after-all “SHE at least DID her DUTY for HER country, once upon a time.”



Now, as a side issue to all of this, there is a broken promise that I wouldn’t have to do anything where is gear and crap are concerned. It never fails that when he has a drill, especially since he is now been slated to be deployed to Iraq in April of 2010 he has to take in ALL of his gear every other drill for inventory, which means ALL of his gear has be taken in to be gone through. Who has to get it together because he never seems to make it home in time to collect it all himself? Me, of course. But, remember now, I am “UNSUPPORTIVE” and I don’t DO ANYTHING to help him out!



Oh, and by the way, those weekend only drills went out the window once it was announced that the unit was scheduled to be deployed in 2010, the drills have increased to also include one to two extra days per month!



Now, if all that wasn’t enough Robert decided to try to go back to school via online courses. I was ok with him doing that, he has a nice laptop and he would be able to do his work while sitting when he gets loaded or unloaded or during his down time when he is out of hours to drive. However, just shortly after enrolling for these courses, he calls me up and informs he is signing up for even more schooling for a real-estate thing through Carleton Sheets, flip this house crap. So our payout for bill obligations which we are struggling with to meet in the first damn place now increases with a first initial payment of 296.00 PLUS 425.00 a month for four more additional months!



When I tried to speak up and say something about the money and before I could even say anything about my concern over him spreading himself too thin and biting off more than he could handle I was told he didn’t care what I had to say on the subject and was accused of trying to hold him back from bettering himself.



I am ALL for someone trying to continue their education and bettering themselves, but does it have to be at the cost of an entire household? Or at the expense of his sleep and ability to meet other obligations?



I am concerned about his safety, he has to be able to drive, but with lack of sleep and the added stress of getting all his school work done he is placing himself into a dangerous area. I don’t want to lose my husband, I am scared and I am beginning to dread him coming home because of what all the stress is doing to him is turning him into someone I don’t know anymore. Everyday it seems that he is becoming more and more cruel in his comments and actions. This is NOT the loving giving, generous man I married. He is turning into someone I don’t recognize anymore. And I hate that this morning when I woke up I was filled with a deep dread of him coming home this weekend.



So, that covers what’s going on with the husband unit of the household, shall I now cover the many issues of the kids?



Three adult kids, all of which seem to think I am an ATM machine. Two girls both over the age of 21, not working and NOT even trying to find anything. One is now sick, it looks like she may have cervical cancer…don’t even get me started on that, because I am still trying to not panic, especially after just losing my mother to breast cancer, which I am still trying to cope and failing miserably.



The other girl, the one that is 24 years old, my little pot head with a borderline alcohol problem and an attitude not to rival that of her sperm donor, talks to me like I shouldn’t exist. She snaps her fingers at me and points to things that need to be done around here, as if to say get on this mom, the trash needs to be taken out, cook and do the dishes. I am told as if I am the child about when SHE needs this or that…God forbid if I should need anything from her. Whenever any of these kids need anything it’s Mom that has to jump out of her ass or pay the consequences with brooding attitudes and sharp tongues.



The adult boy child does work and has the only car to use around here, I do not drive so I have to rely on him to take me places like the grocery store and bank…but last night when I asked him what time he had to be at work today I was promptly and sternly told that he would be sleeping today until he was due to go into work, so basically telling me without actually saying “you’re shit of luck Mom, I’m not taking you to the bank or to the store because I have planned a trip to S.C so I am going to sleep all day, so I can drive all night once I get off work, and it doesn’t matter that once again this household is without meat because I have not taken you to the store for a month again.” But not more than 45 minutes later, he and the 24 year old are at the front door telling me they will be back in a bit because SHE needs to go to the store and get all of her speciality food items with her food stamps before he leaves on his trip...they waited of course to go after I got myself ready to head to bed, and they were out the door before I even had a chance to respond.



This last week I have managed to take care of the taxes which would normally put me into a severe panic attack due to how my ex-husband was, and I had to do this without the paperwork because all of it was on the truck with my husband, which means as I was sitting there with the accountant and my husband on speaker phone, trying my best not to panic and keep him from becoming overly agitated with all the questions the accountant was asking and still make sure it all gets done to meet his deadline to file for his student loans and grants.



On a daily basis I am either called or told by all involved what THEY need, and they expect me to jump up and do it yesterday, and stand there impatiently as I try to find out the information they need or do whatever it is they want.



I just want to run away from here. I am shutting down, this house is a wreck and I don’t care anymore. I am tired of being emotionally blackmailed by the ungrateful attitudes of my grown children. I am sick of being threatened that they could ALWAYS go back to their sperm donor who ran away with them and caused me to lose years with each of them until they were of age to come home on their own….i just want to go away.