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I sit here and I feel so lonely on my birthday. Perhaps I am asking too much... thinking too clearly, loving too openly and without conditions. I need to occupy myself with strange lovers. My Dino from Netherlands told me, the only medicine your heart can handle is time. It will cure everything, he says. Such a sweet slave.



Listening to the Killers, Hot Fuss.. I always seem to day dream about us and all the fun that we've had together. It all starts to fade away as we go our own separate ways. I won't be totally alone without you, and I will find happiness again I just don't know when. All my happiness and all my care revolved around you, you were my world darling.



Even though we still see each other every single day and I enjoy every minute with you. I still have a hard time expressing my happiness knowing just about all the things that are about to change.. heh, I just want you happy even though I'll be upset it's gonna have to be without me.

The taste of his blood still lingers on my lips, on my tongue.. exhilarated and energetic, I feel so alive. Bound by the wrists, I am a slave to him.. he lured me in with the knowledge of my weakness. Weakness that so many others would be disgusted and concerned by. He understood it and embraced me in pain and pleasure.



Although, I feel guilty.. my most loyal and best partner doesn't know of my fetish, and I am terrified he wouldn't understand and that he will abandon me. Is that so hard to believe it'll happen that way? He is so vanilla but yet he has my heart in chains and he's constantly putting the whip to it. I love this misery also.

COMMENTS

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EntwinedxHeart
15:28 Jul 01 2009

Beauty in the midst of pain...I loved your descriptive intellect and the passionate words which bleed from this piece :)



xSx

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Yes and I agree fully.. but who is concerned? I guess people that could get hurt in the process. I have a weak spot for new pleasures and experiences. Deep in my heart though, I do not feel guilty even though I probably should for the sake of others.



I have fantasies though that I need to follow, they pull me into their grasp and I can't get away.. even non-sexual fantasies do this to me. I can't get back to the real world. I can't express love for just one person. I don't want to visit movie theaters in hopes for a fun time, life is too short for trivial details like Johnny Depp in make up.



When I was squating, I had the best time of my life.. it would take chapters to describe. Some nights were horrible but they were worth it. It was all worth it, and now I am at home and everything worked out to be OK.



Kitty