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8 entries this month
Turkey day...postponed06:10 Nov 28 2008
Times Read: 872
As the rest of my family gathered I headed to work. Nothing like sitting in the pharmacy at the hospital doing pretty much nothing to improve my mood about missing turkey with all the fixings. *sigh* LML is bringing me a plate of leftovers tomorrow. That should partially make up for it. I'm just bummed I didn't get a chance to hang with some of my family that I haven't seen in months. Life has just been waaaaay to busy.
Of course, sitting at work today I didn't want to be with my family, I wanted to be with my tuxedoed vampire...I think I'm falling.
A Simple Word08:12 Nov 25 2008
Times Read: 896
He called me his girlfriend on Saturday night. I'm teetering from twitterpated to falling off the edge and into love.
She's Gone23:26 Nov 22 2008
Times Read: 913
I keep expecting her to run in and jump on the desk, lay on my arms as I type, and purr me to sleep...
I can't stay here tonight. It's hard enough to sleep in that lonely bed and I just can't do it without her. The only solace I have is I know I did the right thing. She didn't suffer and for that, I will. I miss my baby.
I Don't Know How to do This00:34 Nov 19 2008
Times Read: 939
Just came back from the vet's office with Stardust, my cat. The prognosis is not good and I'm going to have to put her to sleep this weekend. My heart is totally and completely broken and I feel like I've failed her in some way. But she's telling us she's ready to go with her refusal to eat. I just don't know how to do this....
For my friend02:54 Nov 18 2008
Times Read: 954
No matter what life throws at you it will never be more than you can handle. I know things are tough right now. We've been in this boat together waaay to long for me not to understand some of how you feel.
I understand the frustration. I understand the confusion and the stress of wondering if you're doing the right thing. I understand how hard it is to live your life for you and yet feel the disappointment from those you love for making those choices.
This is what I know is true for me. No matter who is in my life I will always be in my life. I am the one whom I must face in the mirror every morning. I have to be happy with the image reflected back at me. I have to create my own happiness, no one can do it for me. The people who really love me will rejoice with me when I am happy. They will be the ones who support me when I make decisions to improve myself even if it means excluding them.
So here's my advice. Do what makes you happy. Do what needs to be done to gain success in your life. I don't mean monetary success, I mean true success, a life you can look back upon and be satisfied. Finally, and I know this one is tough, stop apologizing for doing what's right for you. You have to wake up every morning and face that image reflected in the mirror, make it one that puts a smile on your face.
Much love my friend. *hugs*
Better Day05:14 Nov 06 2008
Times Read: 985
Woke up this morning later than I planned and the options were, rush to get dressed, run out the door and get to class on time or taking a mental health day from school. Option 2 won.
Yesterday was a rough day. I cried a couple times and was feeling completely overwhelmed by everything that's happening in my life. I work too much but I can't afford to work any less. I play too little but I can't afford to play any more. I miss being in my own place. I miss having my friends over for Sunday dinner. I miss my life. I don't miss the struggle.
The stress levels in my life are above and beyond what I ever thought I was capable of handling. At the same time, I created this life. I'm the one who chose to make it this way. I made this bed and I better get used to sleeping in it....for the next six months anyway.
I realized today this situation is very short term and the term is getting shorter every day. My graduation date is at the end of May. I should sit for my licensing exam sometime in June and be working as a nurse no later than July. It's the motivation that I'm about 6 months away from working 3 days a week and making three times the money that stops me from throwing in the towel. Trust me, I thought about it yesterday.
Taking the day off from school meant I could get some things done that I've had to put off due to time constraints. I finally got to the lab for blood work that's been waiting for 3 weeks. Then I decided I needed to go have my hair trimmed. I had a moment of contemplating cutting it all off but stopped myself. I needed pampering today so I finally had it dyed black. I've been talking about dying my hair for months and I have the skin tone to pull it off. It looks fabulous and I LOVE IT!
The one thing I couldn't get out of was work which is fine because I actually like my job. :p It was a rather slow day and the boss let me go a half hour early. Headed off to LML's house as we had made plans to get together and decompress a bit tonight. The girl rocks! She handed me a glass of wine as I walked through the door. We confirmed our plans for this weekend and set up a weekend get away in December to celebrate surviving another semester of school.
Last but certainly not least, the topper of a fantastic day... The tuxedoed vampire called. He continues to thoroughly impress the girl. =)
Much better day!
Revalations04:29 Nov 04 2008
Times Read: 994
I've had more pictures taken of me over the last couple months than I normally allow. I don't like people taking my picture because I'm used to being the one behind the camera. I also don't like to look at these pictures because I pick them apart and see all the imperfections.
Lately I've been trying to see these photos as others see them and in turn seeing myself as others see me. I'm beginning to realize that when people see me they don't see the imperfections I do. They see a pretty woman. They see the smile and love of life. They hear my laughter and know I enjoy bantering and a good joke.
I'm learning through the eyes of others that I am not my imperfections. I see the beauty others have told me I posses. I see the joy that shines through my eyes. I see the confidence of someone taking their life by the reins and doing what they want to do.
I am comfortable in my own skin. I am beautiful. I am intelligent. I am accomplished. And honey, I ain't done yet. :p
Wish I said it05:41 Nov 03 2008
Times Read: 1,004
Quotes of the week:
"I trust you with my vagina." LML's massage therapy classmate.
"Sweet. Geek. Heaven." Actor known as Sir Robert Dudley describing what it meant to get a job at the PA Ren Faire.
"If you can do it yourself, it's not foreplay." The tuxedoed vampire during a discussion last night about touch.
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