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Your missing and I have no idea where you have gone. I know in my heart your no longer here. You are right in front of my face but you have been long for so long now.



what you used to be and what you are now is not one and the same. It is odd and every once and a while I will see what I saw once the wicked and loving soul but other time's it is no where to be seen. Odd what you think will become your future becomes a shallow dream of what could have been and what was.

You washed up loser of your former self.

Did you think it was funny when I gtold you to stop staring at me last night? Did not know I knew you were there. I can feel you when you come to visit me. It is not alot but I know your there. If feels so werid so please stop making yourself known please.



Watch over us and protect us just dont make my skin crawl please. Lastly do not throw the toy fireman hat off the shelf. I dont like being hit in the head as funny as it sounded's.



Thank you for peeking into my day within my music. I havednt heard fire flys as of late but heartbreakers p[layed this am and tears did not fill my eyes but a kind of joy that made feel just fine inside.



Now for the things I have said about you...... there all true and you know it. There are lies that there and it is pointless at this point to even go into. Your soul knows what was a lie and what was not. Maybe in your heart they were true but in fact they were not. Those lies never made me look at you any different they do now sionce I have no idea what was truth and what was a lie.

If you were here right now I swear to god I would punch in the face.You single handed picked up me and allison and aj and dropped us all in a matter of moments. That turned around and effected the other kids as well. It was all a shock and now you are where you are and we are where we are. Maybe i will come and see you one day but please dont expect me to. You know life is crazy youi see this.

With love my old friend

Ps please what ever you dont show up as a ghost cauise i will freak out and have a fit. You should know this by now. Ok I'm done now.

Here in new york ity is hot and sticky and muggy and full of gloom. Much like my heart.



A heart that has been broken, hurt and clouded with dark fantasy and feelings since i was 13.Dark shadows lurk in the sky like they do inside of me. Looking and seeking a way to have those dark shades become just a tad bit lighter and less heavy then they have been.