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oops forgot to write about day two of the CAHSEE. well im almost certain i failed the math portion of the exam, i hope not though. but im still not too confident in my math skills. oh and also that was about the 3rd time they set the skool on fire. this time right across my testing room/3rd period. and they didnt need to call the fire department this time. yay hooray for them. sarcasm.

well today was the first day of testing. amazingly it wasnt that bad.... though i hated the essay i wrote for it. the idea was that we owned a company, had to say what we produced, where we were located. what we soled and why others should buy our products. i didnt really know what to write about so i just did it about the first thing that came to my head, i got stuck on how to open and close my essay. so i hated it. but the teacher read it ,for some reason, she laughed,giggles (which was also wierd) and then said she like it that it was good. i think she has very bad skills now. lol. well one section down one more to go, this one is surely gonna kill me. hopefully i can pass it though that way i wont have to take it again next year.

CAHSEE (California High School Exit Exam) well the test is now in about 7 hours and im a bit nervouse. ok im very nervous. lol. im confident in passing the english portion of then exam just not the mathematical part of it!! I SUCK AT MATH!!! cant sleep too nervous yet confident. cant decide which. so i guess ill just have to try my best and hope all turns out well. hopefully i can pass all of it. im not expecting a perfect score just one thats good enought to pass with, which brings me back to me being nervous...ggrreeaatt. sarcam still dosent kill, and it dosent kill a test either.

confussed about so many things in my life. decisions ive made and those made for me. wondering how lucky and yet sometimes so damn unlucky i can be to meeting so many great people and some who just made me soo mad, lol. now just wondering and confussed of how im changing. wondering if i should change some of the decions that helped me so to risk it all and see what happens. thought doubtful also curious and curiosity usually wins. so now to think things through. should i go for it or should i just stick to my morals and detach myself from this befor things go to far and i end up regretting things?? will i loose myself completely the image of the real me truely erased for all time? so confussed not knowing what to do? lets just see where life takes me for now. hopefully i wont become more closed off from life than i already am.

death strikes quick and simple or slow and painful. i wonder who chooses how we will each die. wether happy,contemp,sad,depressed,filled with anger, fear, hatred,remorse. what shall be our last feelings, our last thoughts? i wonder and ponder but no anwer yet. i guess ill just have to wait. i wonder what that poor woman felt when she passed away. sadness that her family didnt spend much time with her. or maybe contemp that her life was now ending and she wouldnt have to spend her days and nights on a bed staring at the same 4 walls. i wonder what her children will do now with out her. death so soothing or so hateful. what will become of that poor woman? how will we all go? what will be our last thoughts? our last feelings? will we regrett anything? will we hold on the the illusion of being alive? i wonder how itll happen and when? a curiosity that wont yet be answered. will darkness really consume us all or will peace and tranquility be for ever more felt??