The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

~nods and chuckles~ Stastically those with my childhood will have snapped, commited suicide, overdosed, or like such things with an end resutl by the time they are 25. The shrink at the time meant well when she showed me this statistic sheet. Tod me there are hundred of thigns in a lifetime to die for, but find one things to live for. Thigns will come and go , they will come and passbut find one thing to live for and alway remember it. Only then would I have the chance to overcome even those odds. Even now I see the flames of my passion burn before my eyes and I spent a lifetime holdign peopel at arms length and pushgin them all away to protect them from my loss. I want to be remembered when i am gone, not for the monster I will be in the end, but for everythgin I did before I died. I want to be remembered by the sum of what I have accomplished in my lifetime, so i live day by day, night by night. I'll teach as many as I can and help as many as I can, my one thing to fight for in this life is love.

Not the love between two people, but unconditional all encompassing love.That love between two soul mates or between to twins, that love between to great fighters. The one thing I live for is that fight. Not the physical battle becuase that alone is in itself not enough, that in itself is meaningless, But the greater struggle that encompasses everything from the good dark to the evil dark to the good light and the evil light. Do not get me wrong I am as dangeroius as that which came before me and that which will come and indeed I am not a creature of light. The fields will lay crimson in the end just the same, the wheel will keep turning, but the ripples I will have caused will echo for all eternity from the brief 3 seconds of my life. The sacrifice in the dark where no brother will remember my name, for the sake of another like myself. To walk each time into the deep personal hells and bring those from bended knee and reteach them how to fly, to mend thier wounds and to make thier armor inpenitrable. To wander the most treatcherious paths without a light safely to lead home those whom have strayed too far and thought to be lost. I am that dark shadow fire that burns with out needing that light. Shadow isnt the absence of light but the absorption there of.

Have you ever looked at the stars at night, tot he inky blankess, the pure potentiality, the endless everlasting nothing that it is? That is hope. Only in the darkest corners, the roughest and most treacherious times can you actually seeit like that dark shadow fire. I stand here and I look out around me in this world of darkness and I remember that it is easier to give in , let that flame die and become evil, then it is to feed that inner flame, that will. It takes on of great charactar , strength will what ever you wish to call it, to feed that fire to change it evolve it.As long as there are still those who fight there is hope enough for an entire race, and I am that hope, mayhaps we are that hope. WE are born with the abilty to create, recreate, change ,evolve , adapt, overcome anything and everything. Our own perceptions create the experience we concider reality and from it our judgement and self is born. We create ourselves, program ourselves, change ourselves and chose what we become.

We write our own fates on the blank slate that we carve not our destiny for we are the summery of everything we were to become what we are now.WE are made strong by the pains and tortures we have suffered and the things we have weathered. We are tempered by the hells we have endured and the fortified by the wounds we have covered. We walk and chose our own paths and we create them as we go by the duty and the purpose we give ourselves. I have come to learn some of the longest lessons in life the hardest ways and i have come to love it. Mayhaps that makes me wrong, but it doesnt matter it is what is right for me.In the end we will all be crimson layen and another will take our place and what will we have accomplished in a lifetime? What will our existance have meant in the time of 3 secounds? Everything one does, it shall be doen to the best of thier ability with everything they have and empowered with every passion they have.In the end everything we do is just everything we've done.



We are given the choice to build it up or detroy it as we pass it by to allow another to build from the foundation, for to change the current course take an effort equal to that of the current path. We chose to be creators or destroyers and in the end we all play our part in the grand cascading scheme. WE will either learn to evolve to adapt to overcome or we will fade away and be consumed by those who can. We will create another shell of flesh to take the place of the old one or we will mesh with other energy and become forgotten in the fray. Will we Either gather the strength to forge our own way or we will fall and be swept intot he tides and crushed beneath the turrenting waters.Reality is not soft or kind or gentle or hard it just is. It is pure potentiality, the nothign vs the one. the nothing, the endless ssea of nergy, the purepotentiality. The one is the enothign that has become aware of itself creted a space that is not itself , filled that space with itself to study and understand itself.

(if you read he last part understand it is my insanity in the process, I mean my work in progress of self evalutated thought)

In such places I have come to know as the self , I walk among many but am touched by none. I see the hearts of all the pass and want to smirk at thier petty deliverances, seeking sanctuary in towers of self created illusions, tied down, strapped away to the razor wire wall of humanity. Shall I leave to your quarry with such creatures, or all you to bare the fruit of another who bares the mark of the nothing. From visiting places where the silence echos like a scream and there is no words to whisper the pain of the nothign that are of those creature who bare no form, but are aware.You sit to toy with words and phrases, pass off conversations in entirely mearly to fosuc on a relfection of a former self? Mayhaps such a snide confidence of ego could be set aside for a term and put forth a better interest for the time being. Or shall we stick with the equivilace of the weather wrapped in circle of polite conversation and endless social graces. Shall I cut to the chase and finish what has been begun before the ripeness of the fruit can come to bare it's aquiantance? you come forth casting illusions of predermined fates, toying with the strings of the conscoius surface only to realise the teathers. You speak of further conversations, further deliberations from the mold society has crafted to enslave an entire race in blind soul stripping poverty and leave a husk of viligiance behind a false virtue. I am the keeper of secrets and of the woken shards, the framer of realities, the walker of places unventured.

Come forth to such a table of knowledge as this seeking to fill a parched thirst that knaws as a hollowness. Like hunting for something just out of sight, with no solid idea of what it is, just knowing it is that , which the emptyness will fall to the rgrace of like the strength of the night unto the tears of the cascading starlit velvet?

Or mayhaps a curiousity that toys at the rememberance of something on the back edges of conscouisness, like a distant calling with no sound way anwering?Like the cascase of crimson down black marble steps to pool and conceal before trickling to the next step as the sun traces over the lands with it's firey cresendo

So come now what questions call thy attention upon a creature as myself for whom the shadows weave and the nights radiate thier palid translucent colours accross the fresh spill of crimson thru a transient mind of such. You know what I am do you not?