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Ive begun to regress again. im sleeping all day for days because i cant bring myself to get up. and after a rinse/ repeat of that for a few days i decide the answer is obviously to just not sleep. do I know its bad? Yeah. do i care? Of course i do. but its not that simple. its not a case of being toxic to myself, though Thats literally what i tell people. i just cant see another way to do this. my life is basically lived on sleep deprivation. i do erratic things when im tired. I say dumb things. and honestly its probably why so many people hate me. Or why they turn their backs. Everyone is a hero in their own story right? Not me. i always assume im not. its kind of sad but its true. i make a joke of everything, and probably sometimes when i shouldnt. Why? Because im fucking miserable. live your life as a miserable, self loathing person, who’s only redemption in life seems to spawn from the fact that people find you attractive, and youd make a joke of it too. thats whats so hard about speaking to me through text, or online you know? my sarcasm doesn’t translate well. My voice tone isnt there. You dont hear it.trouble is that i dont really think many people want to anyway. so its kinda moot point. be misunderstood by people who aren't going to be around for long, or put effort into being remotely understood by the people who probably don’t care.

COMMENTS

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Vampirewitch39
20:42 Jan 08 2024

Hope you feel better and life gets easier

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