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Heather wanted me to stay with her for a month. I accepted the invite. Brian insisted on bringing a friend and I should choose Shannon.



Heather and Brian live right next to the woods. Fo feet away from the house was a creek. Shannon and I loved going there to hang out. We usaully took Lady and some other puppies. It was fun watching the dogs play in the water, especially Lady. She was histarical. Lady jumped and dived into the water. She tried to catch frogs and other little critters. The creek was in the woods so it was beautiful.



Our first friend we made was a 13 year old boy named Tolin. He was fun to be with. One day, Shannon and I were playing in the woods and we saw Tolin on his four wheeler. We ran and hid. He knew we were hiding and he came after us. We ran as fast as we could. Finally we gave up just so the game could be over.



Heather took us to the pool one day. There was alot of cute boys there. Shannon jumped off the high dive and did a cannon ball. I still can't swim. I might know alittle bit, but not much. I was on Brians back and he swimmed around like that. Then I jumped on his chest and he held me like a baby. He kept threatning to drop me in the deep end, but he never did. He's not that cruel.

We all got tans.



One night we were with Ashley and Wesley. We were going to play flash light tag, but we needed more players. So Ashley went to this dudes house and asked him if he wanted to play. His name was name was Travis and he was only 15. We said he'd play. We all hid in the woodsy area. The last game we played I saw Travis climb a tree. I hid in this ditch like thing. I watched Ashley and Shannon walk around and search. I slowly got up and made my way to the base. It's strange, it felt like Travis was watching me. Anyway! I made it to base and just sat there while they looked for Travis. Finally they gve up, but Travis wasn't satisfied. He didn't come out. After ten minutes of hearing them whine he came out. Ashley and Wesley had to go inside. This left only the three of us. We went under the bridge and sat/walked around. Shannon found some sparklers and Travis lit them up and they played with them. Then Travis made alittle fire with his lighter and paper and some leaves. We all sat around the fire and all of a sudden travis started singing "Cume by yall my lord, cum by yall" (how ever you spell it) We all laughed. Later we ast by the road and talked. Finally Travis's father came out and said he needed to come in. They were leaving early tomorrow morning. After Travis tried to argue he gave up and replied "Yes Master!" just like egore. It was kinda funny. And that was the last of what we saw of him.



Then Tolin had to leave to go back to his dad's in Illinios.



I'll tell you about the surprise guest and our trip later.

I hate the title of this entry, but that's the point.

Before I get started, here's the names and facts:

*Heather-my sister who is 29 and lives in Kentucky with her boyfriend.

*Brian-A friend of my family since ever. He's a pretty cool guy to be around.

*Shannon- My bestfriend. She came with me to stay in Kentucky.

*Buddy-Heathers dog. She's like 12 now. She's getting old.

*Tiger-My most prized possesion. I love my dog.

*Lady-Brians dog. She turning 1.

*Brion-(note:it has a 'o' not an 'a') Brians son. He's 14 and very cute.

*Tolin-he lives by my sister. He was visiting his mom and had to leave. Kinda cute.

*Travis-Oh my God! He is so hot! (not as hot as a guy I know in illinios) He's a goth boy and he was fun to be with.

*Ashley-Alittle brat. She's 12 and thinks she's the boss. (wrong)

*Wesley-Another brat related to Ashley. He's a 6 year old who cusses.

*Jeremy-Neighbor. He's cute.

*Chuck-Brians boss. He is lazy and takes advantage of Brian. He stays home and makes Brian go to work for him.

*Angie-Chucks wife. She's okay.

*Nicole-Angies daughter. She cool

*Nathen-Lazy bum. 21 yrs. old.

*Nikki-Nathens girlfriend. she only 16. she ran away from home.

One of the teachers at my school that I have for study hall assigned me to sit with a boy. The exact boy that I've been trying to avoid at school. I can't focus on my work around him. I get nervous. And no, I do not have a crush on him. I just care to much about what he thinks of me. Most of the time, I think he has the impression that I'm a idiot. Why am I nervous? I don't know.

Last year I had a huge crush on him and I suppose you could call us friends. We kinda had to stop talking to each other at school, because everyone kept pesturing us and asking questions "Are you dating ___?" Are you dating Kelsey?" "Do you like___?" "You should go out!" "Do you want me to ask him out for you?" "Do you want to go out with Kelsey?"

God!!! I hated that so much, but not as much as he did.

We used to talk almost every other day on the phone. When I talked to him I couldn't think of anything to say. So we mostly sat there with the reciever on our ears in silence. To tell you the truth, I always called just to hear his voice. Then sometimes he would have to get off and leave. On some occasions I would have to get off and he would say he'll call back later. He always called back.

A couple of times we even sat together on the bus, but once again we had to stop because of the questions. When we would walk by each other in the hallway at school, he almost always said hi to me. I remember one of the times we sat together. I had this big scratch on my hand and it looked like it hurt. He saw it and asked with a hint of concern what happened. I said it's just a scratch. Then with a little more of concern, he asked if the girl across from us (she's violent) did it to me. I said no.

From what I've learned since last year, he can be nice and caring. But thats lucky if you see that side of him. Mostly you see a jackass. No offense to him, but it's true and he knows it.

When I go back to last year, he seemed like a really good friend. But now, he can say some hurtful things. We're still friends, but I still want that teacher to die. =)

My father has the impression that I love the Devil. He's read a couple of my poems, looked at a couple of pictures and just says, "You better knock that shit off, now. I will not allow a satanist to live under my roof. Got it? Go to church." I really don't like my dad right now. He thinks I'm going to be pregnant while I'm in highschool (ask any of my friends, I'm not like that, I'm too shy!) and be a pothead (personally I wouldn't mind trying weed, but only for one time and no more!) He thinks I'll be a smoker too. (No way) And that I'll be a drunk all the time.

Here's my list I gave my mom:

1. I love God

2. I believe in Heaven and Hell strongly

3. If I do have sex, I'll use a condem. I don't plan on having children until I'm married.

4. Beer is disgusting

5. Smoking gives cancer

6. Drugs are wrong ;)



My dad can go stick a...................nevermind....

Anyway! Well, that's all I wanted to say.

Your world is an ashtray

We burn and coil like cigarettes

The more you cry your ashes turn to mud

It's the nature of the leeches, the virgin's

Feeling cheated

You've only spent a second of your life

My world is unaffected, there is an exit here

I say it is and then it's true,

There is a dream inside a dream,

I'm wide awake the more I sleep

You'll understand when I'm dead

I went to god just to see, and I was looking at me

Saw heaven and hell were lies

When I'm god everyone dies

Scar/can you feel my power?

Shoot here and the world gets smaller

Scar/scar/can you feel my power?

One shot and the world gets smaller

Let's jump upon the sharp swords

And cut away our smiles

Without the threat of death

There's no reason to live at all

My world is unaffected, there is an exit here

I say it is and then it's true,

There is a dream inside a dream,

I'm wide awake the more I sleep

You'll understand when I'm dead



[Bridge]



[Chorus]



"Each thing i show you is a piece of my death"

Shoot shoot shoot motherfucker

No salvation, no forgiveness

"This is beyond your experience"

Forgiveness...

I think I'm getting addictive to quizes. I love taking them, because I guess I enjoy learning new things about myself. Most of the time the results say I'm depressed or lonely or needs romance or is romantic. I guess that is true. I do suffer from depression. Ofcourse no one believes that and say "Oh! You just want attention! Get over yourself!" God! Can't a person have certain feelings without being judged about it?! Please! I didn't even ask for their oppinion anyway...

As I've said before, I have 3 bestfriends. But heres the problem: Misha-braindead/Amanda-way to cheerful/Shannon-lives in Indiana. There is the liar, betrayer,obnoxious Kendra who I occasionly hang out with. I laugh at her. She's so... let me just say...ignorant.

I do hope for love. I've said I'm in love, but I need to be in love with someone who loves me back. *weeps* {j/k about crying}

Who ever may be reading this...wow! You must be very very bored. And send me messages saying hello or something. I could use a hello every now and then.

My friend Kendra pretended to be some girl named Missy and would send me letters insulting me and mocking me. She would tell me that she was in love with the same guy I was. She'd say "You don't love him the way I do!" Which I thought was bullshit. She was obsessive over him. I had no idea who she was. To show how stupid she really was, Missy stupidly gave me hints on who she was. I confronted Kendra to see if it was her. She said no. I didn't believe her. I went on trying to figure out who else it could have been. On the last day of school I told Kendra that a friend knew who Missy was, but wouldn't tell me. I should have noticed how nervous she was, but I was to ignorant. Later that day I got into a arguement with Kendra. She is such an idiot, because here's what she said: "Hey, Kelsey? Want to know something to make you even more mad at me?" I said sure, why not? Then she replied "I'm Missy." I was very quiet. She said "Kelsey?" I snapped. I yelled into the phone and called her a bitch. Then I hung up.

I sent my other friend a message saying that I discovered who Missy was. He didn't say anything really. But I do know that he was laughing at Kendra, because I was going to kill her. I didn't though. After a long period of pleading for forgiveness, I told her this: "Fine, I will accept your apologe, but I do not forgive you. You are no longer considered my best friend. But! But if you dare to betray me again, I will hurt you badly and I will try my best to make your life miserable." Of course she believed me, because she knew I was capable of doing just that. Some may not think so, but I can depending on who I was angry with.

Anyway, I don't trust any of my friends with any of my real secrets or feelings.

I'm bored, so I wrote this.