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I’m thankful for you. I know I don’t always show it in the right ways and I can hardly tell you that I love you without wincing but I do. I know that I’m damaged almost beyond repair and I’ll never be able to love you like he might but I’m trying. If I’m telling you the truth, I’m afraid. I’m afraid of loving you because love is dangerous. It makes people doing horrible, sickening things. It’s an excuse for cruelty and evil. It’s a cover for stupidity and lies and betrayal. Love isn’t something I’ve ever had a good relationship with but when I look at you, I realize that it isn’t something I want to live without. A piece of my heart will always lie with you. Because you can’t spend 9 months being loved by someone and loving them in return and not leave part of yourself in their hands. The problem is that I left more than just a piece with you. I gave you my soul and trusted you to protect it even though I should know better by now. And you did exactly what I expected you to. And I forgive you. And I’m thankful for you. But that doesn’t mean that I love you. Not anymore. I will always care deeply for you and your name will always send a jerk through my body and I might never be able to read the pieces of writing I created to describe your eyes without crying but I can say without an ounce of doubt that I no longer love you. And that is a horrifying and freeing and terrifying and beautiful feeling that I’ve only felt a few times before this. I’m thankful for you because your love taught me that I can still be beautiful even with scars. And your kindness taught me that not everyone has an ulterior motive for loving me. And your betrayal taught me that not everyone deserves to know the pain that shaped me. You taught me lessons that I never thanked you for. I have been angry with you for so long. But if I’m telling you the truth, I never hated you. Not for what you said. Not for what you did or didn’t do. Not even for what you should have said. Should have done. I’m not angry because you’re human. And even though I raised you to a godlike level in my mind, you’re only human. You’re just a little girl in the body of a young woman who never learned how to be anything more than the monster your father created. After all, the worst thing that could ever possibly happen to someone is life itself. But somehow, despite all your flaws, I loved you. I loved you because somewhere behind the dark film over your eyes, there was a soul that burned bright enough to block out the sun. And somewhere beneath your ignorant words and unwanted touches, there was a little girl screaming that she just wanted to be loved right. I know that little girl. I was that little girl. Sometimes I think I still am. You and I are not so different as I wish we were. You taught me things that I didn’t know I needed to and I hope I did the same for you. I want you to be happy. At the end of the day, that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. I loved you. I’m thankful for you. I wish you all the happiness this world has to offer. And I hope I never have to see you again.