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have u ever had one of those days were nothing goes right at all. well this is one of those days. all i want to do is kill. i want to bthe myself in blood. i can't stop cutting myself and i don't want to. i haven't felt like this in a long time, so i guess while i feel like this i'm gonna enjoy it.

this is a real personal entry so if anyone has a comment about it leave a message and i will get back to u sometime. i recently lost somethings that are very special to me. one is my girlfriend darkvampdeath. things didn't quite work out the way we planned b/c i was scared. i thought that if i just ignore the problem then it would go away but i was wrong it just got worse. i realized that i had nothing to be afraid of b/c i had brittany. but it was too little too late.second is my sister crystal. i lost her b/c i can't stop fucking up long enough for her to forgive me. everything was fine until i broke a promise to her not to go after someone she cared about and i did. after that things just went downhill between me and my sister. third i have lost the will to live. for some reason nothing else seems important to me without brittany by my side. without her i feel incomplete, i feel like a body without a spirit. for the past couple of days i have locked myself in my room for hours and stared at a razor blade. the same razor blade that my best friend brandon used to slit his wrists with. i have stared at that damn thing and wondered if i should just end the pain and make everyone else happy. but then i thought about brittany and how she would feel if i did it. we broke up b/c of me, i'm the biggest fuck up in the world. i ruin everything good in my life and i figure that it would be best that i end my life so i don't ruin hers