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Today was good, there was a bit of boredom that after lunch really hit, me I was really tired then too. About 40 of the yr was shoved into a room for the last two classes & that's when the worst hit me or them?. I was sitting on a table over everyone able to see them all talking(except one who insisted feeling sorry for herself) & screeching & laughing I was listening to my mp3 player which was all i could hear & I started thinking. I thought how unlike them all I was, I couldn't do the stupid shit they do, make an ass out of myself & then thought of how many of them I secretly hate. After that I imagined the lack of guilt I would feel if I went around & slit everyone's throat . Now I know thinking & doing are two very different things but then I realised what happened in columbine & understood a bit more . For those few minutes I could imagine being back in first year without Helena I would probably want to cause an Irish columbine. If I was capable or not is a different story but a bit of encouragement from a certain someone I bet I could.