The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

its been a long while since i have sat down and wrote in my journal .. i feel even more now at ease knowing that i have not written in here for so long, my thoughts have been shaded and much on the dark side thoughts of death run through my head like reruns over over over even when i sleep i have vision of my death and the fucked up thing about it is , it is always someone who loves me that is killing me , how can i escape such a tormented life where i feel as if everything i do and say does not matter anymore nor does it matter what i want in life anymore feeling so consumed by work and bills and everything flying overhead that it makes no differenece what i say or what i do i feel so lost i wonder what people see and what they think when they look at me, do they see the depth of my pain or do they just simply wish to turn away in shame until i can take no more then what i have been like this for months but i always feell likr i cant get out of this anymore... i ...............................