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it's raining here and i'm gotten really cold

i'm glad though it helps with my moods



mom's gone to the groecery store so i'm by myslef watching it rain out side and listening to some sad japinese songs



i wanna go to sleep for some reason and i don't know why



no one has called and i'm sad....i thought she might be online or might call me but she hasn't so i'm here alone once again like i knew i'd be from the beging



i'm tired so i'll go now





Raven

why must you be so stuborn dear friend of mine?

why won't you let me help you?

i don't want to see you hurt each and everyday

because that's what freinds do, they stand next to each and protect one another from harm and no matter what happens that won't abandon each other when the going gets tough



i only wish you'd let me in, you've helped me so many times and saved me when i thought i didn't need saving and i really did

the world isn't that bad of a place if you'll give it a chance

we've both been hurt lots of times and have been left alone in the dark

but if you'll take my hand and walk with me i'll show you that this life that you sometimes despise isn't is bad as it seems

so i'm asking you please

put down your sheld and sword and let help you dear friend of mine

one more slash in my heart, one more broken friendship

one more day of failing apart noting matters anymore

too bad i lost once again too bad i didn't mean anything

to bad i'll never see you again

because i don't matter to you

one more lie, one moretear , one more goodbye

it doesn't seem to matter anymore

too bad i'm leaving , to bad i can't handle anymore

too bad i'm bleeding, death doesn't matter anymore

as the cold familiar sharp blade crosses my skin,

i open a new door

a dorr to frredom,

a door to happiness,



as the crimson pours,

i smile.

for now i am truly happy

i tell myself that this is the last time,

that i cna be happy without it

by my heart knows the truth

for this has become my addiction,

an addiction which has become my life

these bruses are getting bigger and i can't hide them for ever

my soul has been ripped down the middle thanks to you and now it has a perfect shade of black spilled across it

what will you do when they see what you've done t o me

will you leave me again like you did last time?

are u gonna just pick up and start a new life somewhere else and for get about me?



you once told me that i'd never be anything in life

and as hard as it was to not belive you.....i knew it was true

i would never be anything like you

i'll never drink like you do and take my anger out on others

i'll never threaten to leave the ones i love

and i'll never treat someone the way you've treated me





you were the reason i was so afriad to get up in the mornings because i knew each day would be a tragic one



just remember though

it won't be as tragic as the day you lose your only son

it's been awhile since i've given up magick

ok so it's been four or five weeks to be exact but it feels like so long



i feel so different with out my powers

but i did it for her

hoping that it might help our relationship because i don't want anything to get in the way of it

i love her and don't want to lose her



somedays i feel like i'm losing my grip on this reality and there's no one to help me back on my feet or to save me from falling



what am i suppose to do?





i've given alot of important things in my life for her but it still dosen't feel like enough

last night i saw and thought about the past.....

i thought about that dreadful day...the one where you almost died.

i remember coming to school and spaz came up to me...saying that you were in the nurses office, that you had o.d. on some drugs



i ran to the nurses office but they had already taken you to the hospital

i sat and wondered why...was it me? did i do this to you?

this can't be ...yesterday you seemed so happy...but now....



that night i got down on my knees and prayed that if there was any god out there anyone who would listen...to let me switch places with you



in one day my life went from the good and shot straight to hell



you were in a foster home ....with donna

i almost lost you and yet i still don't know why you did that ...i wonder a lot of times if the reason so many people suffer is because of me

we use to be so happy back then ...but that was before you were taken away from me...before you were put into a hospital



that was the longest two weeks of my life and i never want to go throught that again...to sit and wait for you to come back to me...



i suppose i'm hoping that things might go back to the way that use to be...before we were ripped right down the middle

i hurt myself today

i pushed down on the razor and it all went away

i'll die some more tomarrow

i'll take a gun and end our sorrow

in the future i'll scream out your name

but i'll know that it will never be the same

your never gonna come to rescue me

and your never gonna be there

so tonight i'll finally do that dare

tonight i'll jump from my balcany

i'll end it all i swear

There was a night that saw me cry

because of things within my past

my lover lost, an evil lie

in tears i drown, in tears i sigh

i wonder when i sob my last

for night is not the time to cry

but here i stay, the tears don't dry

i wish the end, i wish it fast

but here in bed of black i lie

must life be cruel to those who try

my heart it screams inside it's cast

but i lay her now my place to cry

this pain must end, my heart my fly

above this pain evil blast

but time does not heal the horrid lie

There was a night that saw me die

my soul now gone myself is past

though gone i am i still must cry

my body cold now, here i must lie

i sat and thought about you today

i wondered about all those hurtful thing you would say

i cried because you had left us , i cried becuase you were never there



you were there for mom and everyone else but never there for me

i sit and wonder what i did wrong....why do you neglect me as you do

why do you call me these names



mom once tryed to convice me that you were just short of being the devil

and i defended you

guess i really am nieve

i just had to put my grandmother in the nursing home...the one who rasied me when my parents couldn't take care of me...the same woman who taught me to be strong,independent and take pride in myself....i had to watch as they took her away from me...if it weren't for her i wouldn't be where i am today...i miss her so much

she was so confused when she saw me...she didn't even reconize who i was or even know my name



this hurts way to much...i don't know if i can keep this up anymore





on an even less happier note...i've given up magick...i gave up my powers and all

i just didn't want to keep doing this so i quit...i said the spell and made it permanite so now i'm free ...at least for now i am.

*sigh*

well my wrist are hurting and i'm short of breath and there's noting more to say



later



Raven