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...I don't do nearly enough drunk journalling...



...I think I need to get drunk this weekend.

...how much of myself I actually reveal in this journal.



I've never revealed much about myself in any online community. I was as static as a cartoon character - no aging, no illness, no life events that changed anything...



...somewhere along the way my attitude has changed. Maybe it's from VR... maybe it's from the people I've met here...



Maybe.. something else...

You think these kids are crying because they're thinking they may NEVER get out of diapers?

Yeah.. you heard me.



Monkey.



Frickin'.



Butt.

....and all of a sudden I have a taste for peanut M&M's...



...what's up with that?

...probably not the subject you expected to find in my journal - but, I'm full of surprises.



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Book Title: Tacky the Penguin



Author: Helen Lester



Publisher and Date: Houghton Mifflin Company 1988



Summary: Tacky, the penguin, lived with five other penguins. The other penguins did all of the things proper penguins should. Tacky did everything different. One day, hunters came. All the penguins, but Tacky, hid. Tacky confused the hunters by his different behavior. Finally the hunters ran away. Even though Tacky was different, the others were glad to have him around.



Social Studies Relevance: This story helps children recognize similarities and differences among people. They begin to understand that it's okay to be different, and they appreciate diversity as a positive aspect of life.



Synopsis borrowed from: http://www.teacherlink.usu.edu/tlresources/units/byrnes-literature/MINIUNIT/DIFFER~1.HTM



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I've always been fascinated by Penguins. From the real-live flightless water fowl that inhabit the coldest regions of out planet, to Berkley Breathed’s endearing character Opus, penguins always seemed to represent a bit of the essence of who I am.



A little different. A little awkward. A living contrast between their relative gracelessness in one environment, and complete gracefulness in another.



Yet… flightless.



The Tacky books are books I enjoy reading to my children. These books are some of their favorites too. Mostly because of the way I act out Tacky’s trademark greeting of “WHAT’S HAPPENING!!!!” and sing along to his tuneless song, “How Many Feet Does a Fish Have?”



But, the way I relate to the character of Tacky is really what has drawn me personally to these books. Tacky, living in a world full of cookie-cutter birds in “little tuxedos,” while he wears his Hawaiian shirt and shorts. The penguins march in time, Tacky stumbles and fumbles, marching to his own drummer. They sing beautifully, he croons his off-key, humor laden songs.



But when the chips are down, Tacky always seems to come through.



The books always end with the tag-line…



“Tacky is an odd bird, but a good bird to have around.”



Sounds like a familiar theme….

..."Nipple Confusion" would make a great band name...

Yeah.. just... *sigh*

....about the lump under the carpet.



Sometimes I think it's... me under there after all...



...nevermind.

I slept horrible last night. Or perhaps better stated, I didn’t sleep horrible last night. Knowing I had an early morning to get into work, and the hell of a commute in New York City facing me to start, I tossed and turned just waiting for my wake-up call.



I suppose it didn’t help that my mind was running circles around the same issues it has been running circles around for quite some time now. The circles get bigger sometimes... sometimes they're really small.. regardless, they always feel the same....



What should I do? All these daunting tasks; the mountains that stand in my way, the raging rivers I must cross to reach what I want.



It is a metaphor I’ve used before… like trying to swim across a raging river; knowing what I’m leaving behind on one shore, unsure if I am strong enough to make it to the other.



The man who would play it safe would just live in contentment in the safety of the shore he was already standing on… why dive into swirling torrents full of danger? What is so bad about quiet contentment, even if it isn’t exactly what makes me happy?



But as time has gone on, it’s not so much I can’t bear to stand on the shore anymore… but the river is rising. My room on this shore is eroding into the swift currents, I can’t stand by and let it sweep me under into a quiet despair and drown me. No, it’s sink or swim.



I have to swim.



Not only do I have to swim, I have to realize there is so little for me on this shore it is time to throw myself to the swelling white-capped rapids before me. The rocks are sharp and jagged, the waters full of undertows… I can almost feel the mist of the waterfalls in the distance mocking me and calling me to fail as it chills my skin.



Sink… or swim?



Or simply succumb to the inevitable….



I must swim.



And what lies on the other shore? What is my guarantee that it is any better on that side of the river? Perhaps the murky waters have already eaten away too much of that shore I’m only swimming towards nothing… no future… no happiness… nothing but the slow drowning death I’m already trying to avoid.



Still…it’s a risk I have to take.



Through risk, we grow. Through risk, we fail or succeed.



Only through taking risks can we achieve what we want in life. No one said life would be easy. The easy way is to stand on the shore and deny it dissolving under your feet. To keep backing up… regressing… avoiding the future and trying to hide in the comforts of the past.



That has never been my way of doing things. It is a risk I must take.



So if this is the end of who I am, so be it. I’ll shed off the clothes I once wore and dive head first into the cold, sucking river before me. I’ll swim as hard and fast as I can, on my own.



I will reach the other shore, on my own.



Or, I’ll drown. But at least I’ll know I wasn’t afraid to take the risk and try to live my life to the fullest.

...I just got my new laptop up and running, almost in full. There is so much I have to run on this thing to allow me to work from anywhere... still have to find the surveying software....



...but... a new toy! Heh. Spankin' new ThinkPad T61 with a wide-screen and the features I need to work and be productive...



I liked my old Acer, but after a year on the road and 2 hard-drives in it, it was time to put it out to pasture. It just wasn't holding up to the travel. Being smashed under airplane seats and rolling around in the trunks of rental cars, it was the worse for wear... but it will still make a decent laptop for my new technician who won't be such a road-warrior...



...or, maybe he will.



I'm excited to get on the road today... completely not work related.. heh. Much more enjoyable than that! MUCH!



And.. ahhh.. shinny new laptop... I hope the fat guy sitting in front of me doesn't squish you under his seat too badly....

...AHHHHHHHHHHHHH?



Just doesn't seem to fit, does it?

...working on networking issues with today's client....



IT Guy: ...damn it. I quit. I want my new job to be drinking....



Me: Let me know if you find a way to make a living doing that.



IT Guy: No, I've tried. You can't.



Me: Damn it.