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My daughter is learning one today - an important lesson:
Rodents are some of the wiliest and resourceful mammals on the planet.
She has been asking, if not begging for months to get a hamster. Her mom decided she had shown the responsibility needed to be allowed this. She found someone online selling a used Habitrail set, she found a hamster at a rescue organization to be adopted - she adopted it and it has called the plastic box on her dresser home for a little less than a week now.
This morning her mom told me she heard mouse noises in a wall by the kitchen and asked me to set a trap. I thought, "Hmmm... a trap has been set for quite some time with no activity..." and asked my daughter to go check on her hamster.
And... well, you know what happened next, right?
So yes, through the tears of panic I managed to get the kids on the bus and off to school, then worked on fashioning a make-shift live rodent trap out of a 30-gallon plastic bin, a yard stick and a board...
...a million to one shot, but in that house, finding the little guy will be damn near impossible.
Rats are better. A little cheese... and I come running. ;)
Enjoyable...
02:31 Jan 30 2011 Times Read: 1,173
...discussing with Morri tonight how she sometimes feels like she is bragging when she discusses her successes.
Well, so I'll brag a bit on her behalf. I assisted her with a photoshoot tonight - a shoot requested by someone who is not a model. Someone who saw Morri's work and hired her to take pictures of her.
I'm sure many of you will see the finished work on her website once she has some of the images edited and refined, but... I have to say... I feel this is an incredible step for her. To be solicited via her work and reputation alone by someone who is not part of the modeling or photography industry. Someone who simply wanted unique photos for their own personal use.
And the work.... not just the finished product. Not just the art she creates, but the WAY she creates it. The way she gets people to relax. The way she gets someone, like this client, to set up, pose, be at ease and enjoy the entire experience.
THAT is where so much of the magic happens.
So, yes. I'm bragging. She is good. Damn good. From start to finish, she absolutely amazes me.
She deserves to be bragged upon. As do you- you guys not only do great work, but from what I can tell, you both could make anyone feel comfortable in that situation. I have worked with people that couldn't get a decent picture if their life depended on it, because they made their subjects highly uncomfortable. That's why I wish I lived closer, so I could get some pictures done for myself.
Morri does amazing work.....and to tell others of that work is NOT bragging.
I have often thought about hiring her for photos but I live about 7 hours away ...... if my travels ever take me back to Buffalo I may just have to call.
Back in October we had a model stay with us as she was traveling east from Chicago. It does happen.
Thinking and thinking...
20:27 Jan 29 2011 Times Read: 1,187
...I might need to grab a blank slate to take with me for this week's drive. I have words in my head that need to get put on paper... I just don't have the time to sit and sort them all.
Down time in the car might be a blessing right now...
...going to take the laptop and webcam to the kitchen for a little cooking. Not sure what it's going to be yet... but I think I may look to Martin Yan for inspiration.
...I get told I get down on myself too much. There are reasons. Not outward reasons - more inward but expressed outwardly. Maybe it's a bit like a negative self-affirmation. I'm not looking in the mirror and saying "I'm good enough, and I'm smart enough, and dog-gone-it, people like me." I'm looking in the mirror and saying, "Ok, there are some positives here but over-all, there is work to be done and a lot of room for improvement."
I'm not seeking perfection from myself - I know that is unattainable. I'm doing my best to stop trying to be everything to every body and make everyone happy above myself. Old habits die hard.
But internally there are things about me I just know I need to change to be happier within myself. It has nothing to do with anyone around me; this is all on and within me. I don't like the way some of my internal processes work nor do I like the outward end results. I'm working on those things. The negativity is part of it and sometimes my quest to better myself causes me to see myself in the most negative light instead of seeing and building on the positives.
It's a slow process to whittle away what the years and experience have taught me about me. I'm still on a quest of self-creation - like a sculptor that isn't happy with what he carved, but can't put the pieces back on the block.
It's a process. I am always in process...
Compliments and reassurances from my friends, although appreciated, I sometimes simply cannot get my mind around. I find it difficult to see what they see. Probably in the simplest terms, my history of knowing me goes back a lot further than their history of knowing me... that cloud of what was very often obscures what is or the possibilities of what is.
And journal entries like this are often my way of getting some of these thoughts out of my head and in my own eyes - to share what I am feeling with others that might feel the same. I'm not looking for sympathy, fishing for compliments or anything of the sort... simply expressing who I am and what I struggle with being me.
Take it at face value and with a grain, or a full shake of salt...
Sounds like hashed up to me...same principal, different ingredients- also, in the south, we call it adding to the pot to feed the extra people that walked in.,..lol
...the skin on my hands is rough. I've always had problems keeping it soft. Water and dryness ravages my skin.
Just now I looked at my hand in the mirror before I began to shave... and I saw... an old hand. Way older than the rest of me. It looked like... the hand.. of the Emperor.
Too bad I don't have sith lightning though. I could use that at times.
I know the back of my hand like... well.. the back of my hand. Although I do feel pretty young, I still envision myself as I was growing up... I see how I am aging.
Perhaps I'm just more sensitive to it. I'm definitely more critical of myself. But I see the lines, the wrinkles, the way the skin is changing. It doesn't disturb me... a little extra Curel after my shower helped.
Hands always show your age more than your face. Always...ALWays.......ALWAYS DAMN IT!
Hrmmm...
15:45 Jan 22 2011 Times Read: 1,473
....I really want to get snow shoes. I think they would be great to have so I can spend more time exercising outdoors in the winter.
I'm going with this whole weight loss thing. I feel good - nothing aside from stress and the fatigue of emotional strain lately is really bothering me... and that fatigue is subsiding as I move along with the things that I have to do.
I know I have some professional obstacles ahead of me, but I'm going to work on a few things.
Self improvement - getting back on that path - being a big one.
Snow shoes would be a great investment! Even at my heaviest, my friend Becca and I managed to snowshoe through Vale pass. It was a good hike, good exercise, and novel enough for me (Texan, yes?) that the exercise, while work, was more fun than anything.
Screw the snow shoes. Just move to a warmer climate where you can be outside all year. That's my plan. Caribbean breezes and crystal clear waters are calling my name........
Tough questions...
18:56 Jan 20 2011 Times Read: 1,500
...I see it more and more.. there is a sensitive balance between the self and maintaining a healthy co-existence within a relationship.
So where does the healthy balance reside?
Obviously it is up to the individuals to figure that out - what works for both. Feelings and thoughts cannot be disregarded on either side and open communication can go a long way to assuaging fears, insecurities and the general suspiciousness that is bound to occur...
...no matter how open a relationship is, human emotions to one degree or another are bound to prevail given different situations. It has always been and will always be that way. We can't help it. It is human nature.
What is the key? Listening. Truly listening. That is the best place to start.
And the realization by both people that there are fears... anxiety... insecurity... and it's natural. But keeping an even-keel and listening and doing your best to understand how each other feels... so much of that can be overcome.
I'm not preaching this - this is not a how-to-guide. I am human and I fall well into the imperfect, mistake ridden, prone to errors of judgment side of the spectrum as well. Sometimes, I just have to put the words in front of me.
In general...you are one of the least screw-up people I know. You're as human as the rest of us, doing your best and making the occasional misstep. Give yourself a break or I break-a you face!
It makes it a bunch easier when BOTH parties are doing this ;) One sided ANYthing will never work in my experience. Maturity, mental stability and honest, frank discussion are the hallmarks of this as well.
Except you are not a screw up. A screw up does nothing but "screw up" but technically, as humans, we are all bound to screw up some point in life but learning from that screw up and learning to prevent the situation of the "screw up" from happening again speaks miles of who you were, are, and becoming.
And I am the last person on the face of the Earth to speak of that, 'cause the lord's only know how much I screw up on a daily basis. lol
I think along with everyone else who has commented I dislike the use of the word screw up. It is a self-imposed derision which has been placed upon you by an outside source. Self-Esteem is also important in a relationship, a certain amount of ego and sonfidence in your partner and the relationship itself is extremely important.
I will go down the list,
Patience; yes.
Understanding; definately but do not forget acceptance. Anyone can understand but in supporting a relationship a person must be able to accept their own limitations and limitations of their partner and try to build from there.
Listen intently; but not to intently. There is a time to listen and a time to simply hear. No one wants to be smothered any more than they want to be neglected. Learning the balance between listening and being intrusive is very important.
Communicate openly; this is a MUST. There is never anything which should ever be kept from a partner, no matter how big or small. Little omissions can grow into big lies so fast it will make your head spin. I am not saying things like birthday and christmas surprises; I think you know what I mean. Compliments and flirtations advances from outside parties are things which when shared with your partner should strengthen the bond not weaken it.
Jealousy has no place in a relationship.
While screwing up does happen considering ones self to be a screw up is dangerous to the relationship. It is a self perception which must be changed and can only be changed with time and acceptance of ones self.
There I have said what I had to say and now you have made me tired and my brain hurts :P
It seems hard at first but once you get the rhythm it seems effortless. The problem is that no one wants to work hard at it anymore. Relationships are disposable, I am making a generalization here.
I may have misunderstood on the listening intently. I probably did actually.
Nagging...
15:53 Jan 19 2011 Times Read: 1,524
...I should just stop eating for a while methinks...
Had a nice show tonight - thanks to all that attended. Hopefully you learned a little including, Ocean Perch skin is tough to cut and I cuss a lot when things go wrong or the music I have on sucks...
Well, one day, the parental was watching the history channel; something about world war 2. The shriveled old man that was speaking, his last name was Hymenshocker. Or maybe his name was Hyman Shocker. Either way, it was pretty funny.
....knowing there won't be a word of encouragement, a critique, a pointer or... especially a late night discussion about... everything. It is discouraging and often stops me from putting my thoughts down on some virtual paper...
I’m resisting the urge to climb back into bed. I slept terribly last night and am feeling pretty lousy this morning. Bed is definitely calling, but I guess coffee and a warm dog on my lap will have to do.
Soul searching. I’m doing a lot of it right now. Of course, for me, that often begs the question if I’m searching for a soul to see if I have one at all. There is no question that I have a lot of conflict working within me these days. I’ve considered some of my current feelings that are brewing inside of me, and it surprises me a bit that fear is definitely one of them. I’m trying to figure that one out.
I remember a day in Kodiak, Alaska when I was bound and determined to get some good pictures. Despite the rain, the unfamiliarity with the area, I wasn’t afraid. I was alone – I found wild Bison and pursued them over hills covered with soaking wet, waist high wild flowers and grasses. I wasn’t afraid. I found Kodiak bears fishing for salmon in a river and stepped down the shore to get closer to take pictures, and I wasn’t afraid. Another time I travelled up a mountain in a below zero wind-chill and started hiking on a ski trail completely underprepared for the snow storm that was coming over the mountain, and I wasn’t afraid.
There is no danger here. So why do I feel fear?
Am I not used to seeking precarious and even dangerous situations? Do I not throw caution to the wind in search of adventure? Aye, but this is different. And the fear mixes with all the other emotions running wildly through me this morning. Anxiousness, uncertainty… perhaps not knowing for sure is the toughest part. But I have to face this. It might be difficult, even painful… but I have to face this head on, man up and do what has to be done.
I mean… all I have to do is read a couple of books to twenty kindergarteners. Is THAT so tough?
…sheesh.. Suck it up, Birra.
In other news, my wireless microphone for my camcorder arrived. Going to have to play with this a little today.
Still debating a quick weekend down to Tampa with Faeriemoon… it would be nice to visit her. Just wondering if I can get away…
Children are our toughest critics, it's the honesty. I have a feeling you will shine. And a little fear can be a good thing, it steers us to be better.
...a sincere thank you to all my friends that gave me a boost yesterday when they knew I was down.
Today was a much better day.
I made a discovery in a new friend today which has already been invaluable.
I have had continuing conversations with a new business contact which, again, has been invaluable.
Most importantly I feel more centered and responding to things around me with some thought instead of wildly running emotions. Emotions are wonderful... but like alcohol and religion, need to be used in moderation. I'm thinking clearly. I'm able to calm myself when I feel my emotions boiling up. I'm picking myself up from where I stumbled and looking ahead on the path again, instead of behind.
I have a feeling a large milestone will soon be behind me, and I have a positive vibe about that.
I have work to do in order to make things happen - always a good thing!
And, I have a weiner dog that is constantly trying to jump in my lap... he's so sad and dramatic. Heh...
I also highly suggest The 48 Laws of Power and The Art of Seduction.
Soup du jour...
14:12 Jan 10 2011 Times Read: 1,834
I think today's play list is going to consist of Gerry Rafferty, Steeley Dan, Saga, Fleetwood Mac, some Cars... as I watch a digital blip make it's way past Parma...
Like the Pavlov Effect- this entry worked on me as if it were a dog whistle.
Remembering when...
14:25 Jan 09 2011 Times Read: 1,859
...this morning I was contemplating life and some of the current struggles I've been through.
I'm off my path.
I made a commitment to myself years ago to change myself for the better. Be a better person. Be a better friend. Be a better partner.
I have strayed too far from that path.
But as I lay awake this morning I was reminded of my psychology lessons in college; in particular, a study done on athletes that looked into how physical pain changes the psyche. They found athletes - even the most mild mannered people - would suddenly become aggressive and combative when experiencing pain. Any pain. Not even something serious, but even pain as minor as muscle fatigue and cramping. At higher pain levels they could become altered, completely lose orientation and equilibrium.
A sort of reverting to animal tendencies of protecting themselves when they know they're more vulnerable.
Perhaps the same can be said of emotional pain. The twisting of the psyche due to heartache, hurt feelings, loss or the fear of loss. And prolonged, perhaps it simply becomes damaging to the person within the person.
I don't know if this explains why I strayed. Obviously, regardless of the hurting, I need to find ways to keep myself centered but when it all feels like everything around me is piling on at the same time and all I can do is try to keep up... it is difficult.
I talk... I express what I'm feeling and sometimes perhaps it is that twist inside - the change caused by stress and pain - that makes my words not quite right. That puts me on my haunches instead of on my knees with open hands. I can understand how that can evoke a defensive response but in this case I would hope the intention is received more than the posture.
But I'm going to work on getting back on my path and work on being... who I have been striving to be.
I've been there too. It is why I would sit and bitch to those outside who love me, and then when the words came I would put them down in a letter. It made it easier to say what i needed opposed to the raw hurt I wanted to inflict which was not in my greater good or want.
But doing this -finding you is worth it - I believe in you.
It's funny in a way, but I suspect there are more than a few on VR going through this right now, myself included. It is like some kind of festering wound that needs a lance to clean it out and get it healing right.
Perhaps it is just the time of the year, perhaps it is a collective thought permeating our age bracket. Let's hope that others beyond these virtual walls are feeling it to and make a positive change or at least the commitment to change this year as we all have.
I think Blackstaff may have a point. Perhaps it is an age thing, or maybe the time of year, but whatever it is, recognising that something may need to change is the first step. Life does get in the way sometimes and throw us off track. No big deal I think though, it all adds to the experience :)
16:18 Jan 07 2011 Times Read: 1,890
I wish I could comment on my comments...
I previously wrote a cute and remotely humorous comment but I timed out and "had to be logged in" etc so you get this instead. Love it.
I do love it! A good example of someone NOT taking themselves so seriously.
=) I will do my damndest to attend. I love making stir fry. I also love watching people cook. *shrug* I think if I watched tv on a regular basis it would be the food network thingy where they have the cooking shows. Food network? yes, sounds right.
Course there are always sammitches to be had...lol
Yep, it was a good one....
15:05 Jan 05 2011 Times Read: 1,922
...great audience last night on the Webcam Cooking Show - no less than 19 solid innuendos in the conversation and at least one reference to glory holes.
Interesting, to say the least.
And apparently, one of these days my house is going to be filled with VR members just so I can cook for them... that would be fun!
Yes, it was fun; now you *do* understand why I had to bounce, yes?
Until next time..
I have gurggling in my pipes!
05:08 Jan 05 2011 Times Read: 1,944
It's almost like diarrhea, except exciting and I feel accomplished. Yes, I have fixed the heating issue with the bar room zone - we can now go in there without freezing our asses off!
Ok, small accomplishment - but it always feels good to troubleshoot something that you know little about, like a synchronized zone heating system on a boiler, figure out the problem and make it work again.
I took some steps today that have me in a better state of mind. I reached out to a friend I've been ignoring for too long. I asked a favor from a customer, had it received and managed a good new business contact from it - hopefully that will turn into something worth while. I kicked my recent negativity aside, cooked on webcam tonight and had a lot of fun doing it with many fun friends here too.
Hopefully the positive energy I'm ending the day on will translate into a good night sleep for a change.
I hope you have a positive night and a great sleep!
I will now dream of Italian men cooking lasagna while wearing a red apron and dancing away doing the salsa.
LMAO
I have also decided to use the word Glory Hole in more of my vocabulary.
It is entertaining enough to do so, lmao xD
I had fun, you are a trip!
In the kitchen....
02:30 Jan 05 2011 Times Read: 1,954
...I skipped the cooking show last night - and was considering skipping it tonight too. But, I'll be doing some prep work for tomorrow's meal tonight if anyone cares to join...
...yep. 2010 wasn't the easiest of years. But the difficulties I faced make me realize how many good things I do have to appreciate.
My children are all strong minded, able bodied and healthy. That is an enormous blessing. I have a wonderful friend and partner in crime here with me in Morrigon - she amazes me beyond words and I am thankful and appreciative of everything she brings to my life.
My life may be taking new paths in 2011, but I am still directing where I go and I have a positive outlook. I know I can right the ship and make a better life for myself and all those around me. It will take effort, patience and a whole lot of... chutzpah.
I can do this.
Hope everyone had an enjoyable New Years Eve celebration. Now buckle up - the road is still bumpy and there is a lot of work to be done!
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