The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

It's a Puscifer kind of day...
23:13 Aug 31 2009
Times Read: 1,183

...ran all day, too care of customers, spent too much time on listening and not enough on working... made huge decisions, huge stressful decisions... and talapia flourentine with rice.



It's ready and on the stove for my beautiful friends to come enjoy.



Now I have to go spend money on eye glasses for my daughter and have... "the talk" over ice cream.



*sigh*

Saturday morning lobotomy...
16:13 Aug 29 2009
Times Read: 1,194

Isn’t it funny how often we consider our own lives and the paths we took, and ask ourselves, “was that the right path for me?”



Ok, maybe I’m the only one. I do self-reflect a lot. I think it helps me re-stabilize myself and figure our just what the hell it is I’m doing. Not necessarily what I’m doing right, or what I’m doing wrong… but just to pay attention to my own actions and how they relate to the things I want.



When I was younger my dream was to move to California and bum around a lot. High ambitions, I know, but I wanted to get away from my family, get out from my older brother’s shadow – an over-inflated standard I could never live up to and from what I’ve seen of his actions in life, I would never live down to. But I wanted to find my own way, learn to live and survive on my own, and become a different person than my environment made me.



Life happens. I never made that trip, and I’m still here. Am I becoming the person I wanted to be? Slowly, I think I am. Do I stay on that path? Not always… life is tough. There is a lot to do every day, tough decisions to be made, heartaches to get past, responsibilities to live up to, tasks to put behind, expectations… always expectations from myself and others…



*whew*



It’s a lot.



But I feel fortunate for the good people in my life that I love and cherish that help me through it every day. They live up to the only reasonable meaning of life I’ve ever found – each of us helping each other get through it, whatever it may be.



Still it comes down to me. What do I want and how do I go about getting it? Questions I ask myself and far too often have no answer to.



But since I’ve stopped travelling I feel like my life has grown a bit stagnant. Time to start looking outside of these walls again…

Downpour...
05:29 Aug 29 2009
Times Read: 1,211

Raining like heck right now. Lots of lightning and thunder too. Perfect way to end a day that has been cloudy and a good 10 degrees below average in temperature.



But the rain is good. It should wash away all the poison and dead bees laying around my driveway…



To recap – I had an exterminator come and clear out some bees that were tunneling under an eve on my house.



Not just bees… European Giant Hornets. Evil looking red and yellow things that look like they could fly off with small children… fantastic to have them buzzing around.



So I finished my evening with a trip to the Naval and Servicemen’s Park downtown… took some, hopefully nice pictures of Buffalo and the ships… hope I’ll get them posts another day.

Huh?
19:39 Aug 28 2009
Times Read: 1,227

I thought that ended with, "and they'll complain they want five more..."



My bad.

Cha-cha-changes...
18:25 Aug 28 2009
Times Read: 1,231

...I'm going to be reorganzing files on my web server which means a lot of the photos I've put in my journal will no longer work.



If at any time you're digging through the archives and see something that is giving you the red-x for an image, just let me know and I'll fix the link.



Otherwise I probably won't bother...

Whiskey, Tango, Hotel?
18:35 Aug 27 2009
Times Read: 1,265

I have about 10 invites now for shows or webinars on September 2nd.



Is there something special about that date that EVERYONE scheduled these things for the same day?

Confuddled...
22:59 Aug 26 2009
Times Read: 1,284

...I just cleared my 90th day in VR time here, but I failed to notice due to changing my layout to Eternal Blue and not realizing where everything is yet...



...huh.



Have to work on that.

*sigh*
15:00 Aug 26 2009
Times Read: 1,311

So much for that... now it's all uphill. So far to go, as always...



But when have I not been up for a challenge?



Heh.

Now, for a spoonful of truth...
04:47 Aug 26 2009
Times Read: 1,338

Self-esteem.



So many people I speak with (chat with) here… have very little of it.



I, myself, am guilty. I’m a chronic non-believer in myself at times. Not in things such as what I can accomplish, or do, or succeed at… but just, in my own self-worth.



Am I good looking? No… Am I loveable? No… Am I worthy of other peoples’ affection or attention? No… Am I funny? Hardly. Am I the person I want to be? I probably never will be…



A lot of those just go into my expectations of myself. Something I can’t control. I demand a lot of myself, at all times. Whether it be to be the man I want to be for me, or the man I want to be for someone else. All these things… they chip away at my self-esteem and always have.



Give me a challenge and I won’t let it beat me. Give me a compliment and I’m defeating myself before anyone else can.



Do you feel that way too?



Odds are if you do, you know it… and you can even admit it. There is no guilt by denial here.



Here’s the thing… the more I see other people do it… people I truly hold in high esteem, the more ridiculous I see my own responses being. Pay attention folks… you know that person you just complimented and they said, “Psshhwwahh! You’re crazy! I am not!”



Yeah… sounded ridiculous, didn’t it? Well… when you give that response to someone, it sounds just as ridiculous to them.



So I’ve learned something over the past few years that this really plays into. If you take that compliment and simply say “Thank you,” that compliment becomes true to you. Keep saying “Thank you,” and eventually, it becomes you. And when it becomes you, you start to see yourself more as the person you want to be.



Words only have as much power as you let them.



Start letting the good words be more powerful to who you are than the bad ones.

04:22 Aug 26 2009
Times Read: 1,351

See... now you did it.



You all did it.



I hope you're happy with yourselves.



I know I am. Thanks!

Ohhhhhh!
19:37 Aug 25 2009
Times Read: 1,377

So close. Heh.

17:29 Aug 25 2009
Times Read: 1,391

Here's to adding new, interesting folks to my mentorship.



*cheers*

22:27 Aug 24 2009
Times Read: 1,420

I need pizza pans...



I'm off to Target. Be back soon!

Whoa
14:50 Aug 24 2009
Times Read: 1,452

Moving right along now... Long way to go though.



Have to keep hitting it.

Under stars and understanding...
04:38 Aug 22 2009
Times Read: 1,486

Quiet evening… fresh bread, hummus and a cabernet… listening to good music and letting the stress of the day melt away…



So much happens every day it seems; too much to even keep track of. Hours awake grow longer, trying to pack more and more into each day… sleep lessens and the need for it wanes… those pesky wrinkles on the backs of my hands grow more defined..



Time slips away.



I took my kids for a swim this evening, which is never good for my skin, but if I had a soul, it would be good for it. The night air is so crisp and the sky so clear. As we walked back to their house tonight my oldest son looked up at the sky and said, “Oh, there’s the big dipper!” just in time for all of us to look up at this famous constellation and catch a shooting star streaking across the night sky.



There is something magical about that.



To make that wish. To live in the shoes of a child, for just a second more.



But thoughts have pervaded in my mind all day… too many bad thoughts. To much for me some days… too much.



Sometimes, they have to be exposed….

one of those days...
23:51 Aug 19 2009
Times Read: 1,520

Trying to buy more add time - PayPal completely gimped out on me.



Tomorrow...



Meanwhile I have to work on a computer that is apparently full of sand...



*shakes head*

Thirty-something...
21:07 Aug 19 2009
Times Read: 1,527

...woot! On to the twenties now!

Let me explain... no, too much. Let me sum up.
17:42 Aug 19 2009
Times Read: 1,551

So the other morning I go into the main bathroom and notice... plants.



Growing in the sink drain.



Now I keep discovering some odd stuff in this house so I was curious but thought, "feh... just more strange stuff to deal with here..."



I've never had plants growing in an active sink before, so I pulled out what I could grab.. but quickly other sprouts took their place. I mentioned this to Morri which, when I mentioned it, all she gave me was basically the same reaction I had... which was... "Huh.. that's strange..."



Then after work yesterday she asks... "Sooo.. suppose... hypothetically... that someone was playing with something like... let's say... mustard seed... and say, perhaps... some... or... a bunch... spilled down the drain. Do you think they could grow?"



*ahem* :)



So, that explains that... and it also explains why I found the shaker top to the mustard seed on the spice rack in the bathroom on Saturday despite the mustard seed being capped and on the spice rack. Those little buggers grew FAST!



Heh.



I will never say things aren't interesting when she is around.

Oh yeah...
16:34 Aug 18 2009
Times Read: 1,583

...I'm also considering becoming 10 years younger... just... have to figure out how.

YES!
16:33 Aug 18 2009
Times Read: 1,584

I'm considering taking up windsurfing.... :)

Hittin' it....
14:41 Aug 18 2009
Times Read: 1,593

...and hittin' it again.



No, it's not a sex reference. Just a new philosophy. Or, the acceptence of an old one.



Hit it. Hit it hard. Hit it often. Don't stop hitting it until you get what you want.



That is... the experiment at hand.

Feeling bad...
22:39 Aug 17 2009
Times Read: 1,628

...my uncle asked me last night to be a pallbearer for his mother's funeral this morning. I had to turn him down. Although there is a vast shortage of men on that side of the family (only two male cousins out of seven cousins, and one is on his honeymoon).



I didn't know his mom, at all. The last time I saw her was 3 years ago and before that... I can't even remember. I went to the wake to offer my support to my family members... the people that I do love that feel the loss of their grandmother, mother, mother-in-law... etc..



...but the italian guilt still gets me for saying no.

The weekend, as it were...
05:01 Aug 17 2009
Times Read: 1,648

Sitting here playing with photos of... playing. Enjoying hummus with crackers, listening to Morri’s music as she works on serious pictures… I took my kids camping this weekend. Not real camping, although we slept in a tent (if you can call it sleeping with 3 kids in the same room). It was just a night out at a friend’s house east of the city, further from the lights and noise created by the more urban setting I live in. It is a place where you can hear the bullfrogs croak until night falls, then hear the coyotes calling in the distance.



The purpose was to do a little star-gazing and hopefully catch what was left of the Perseid Meteor showers… which we did. We caught several meteors streaking across the night sky… nothing too special, but fun.



Although trying to catch it in pictures reminded me that I have a lot to learn about taking photos at night.



I ended up playing with the fire...

But the weekend gave me a great opportunity to hang with my kiddos and enjoy something they don’t get to do. Teaching my children is important to me. Facilitating them having experiences, good or bad… learning from them and enjoying them.



I took them to Body Worlds at the Buffalo Science Museum on Saturday afternoon. They were fascinated. So much to see and learn… I read so much to them, whether they wanted me to or not. Heh. But it was a great exhibit and very educational. We capped the evening with dinner at a hibachi grill… another fun, first time experience for them.



Funny, how perception changes views… how much I crave these experiences and the privilege of teaching these kids… my kids… everything. Everything I can. To me it is a duty to do this… it is a responsibility to do this. And it is a privilege.



Realize this… I do realize this. They are not just my kids, they are people. They have put their trust in me because I have earned it.



And teaching them is a privilege they have granted to me.



Keeping that in mind… I will give them nothing but my best.

Gratitude...
02:58 Aug 17 2009
Times Read: 1,661

...I have to give a big thanks... to people I have never met.



In general they might all seem the same, but I will call them individually, "Captain Obvious."



Captain Obvious points out the things that everyone knows and usually already realizes. Captain Obvious makes sure that YOU are well aware of their sense of superiority, their knowledge base which is vastly more expansive than your own could possibly be and the fact that they are never wrong.



Some Captain Obviouses even make millions of dollars creating a life serving only to fill the purpose of being Captain Obvious.



Oh, you might say, "Birra... this is just another one of your lame attempts to sarcastically deliver backhanded compliments and be the journal-whore we all know you are."



Valid point, but I must refute that by saying, "au contraire," in the most snobbish and self-righteous manner I can. This IS a genuine nod of appreciation to all the Captain Obviouses out there. Despite their insufferable smugness and ability to make others feel bad just for breathing... sometimes a good slap upside the head from a random Captain Obvious is just the thing I need when my life has strayed from the course I meant for it to take.



So thank you, you twit. Thanks for telling me what I already knew for the 100th time... but had forgotten for a brief period. I am now back on the path again, and having fun.

Lunchtime
18:29 Aug 11 2009
Times Read: 1,687

Lunch in our office rarely fails to be entertaining...



Morri: (looking at Pai laying on the floor) So, Pai... how's the weiner today?



Pai: (looks up at Morri, then turns and licks himself)



Morri: (mimicking what a dog's inner monolague would sound like) Ahh... delicious.



Birra: O.o... gawd...

Twitter me this, Batman...
17:01 Aug 11 2009
Times Read: 1,699

...I'm still trying to solve the riddle that is Twitter...



...a web site that bascially allows you to broadcast a text message...



...what is the point, really?

Considering
23:11 Aug 09 2009
Times Read: 1,730

I think my Mentorship will at least have one of the coolest theme songs...

Lunch was good....
19:33 Aug 08 2009
Times Read: 1,755

...I need to make tomato, spinich garlic bread with cheese more often.. :)

Whoa...
04:05 Aug 07 2009
Times Read: 1,781

...I saw the avatar and immediately thought, "It's Sam Elliott from the movie Mask!"



No, not "The Mask" with Jim Carey, the movie "Mask" with Eric Stoltz and Cher...



...and Laura Dern when she was young and sooo cute...

Good times...
22:27 Aug 04 2009
Times Read: 1,830

...just returned from a fun trip down to the DC area with my oldest two kiddos. Fun times. We did the whirlwind tour of the Smithsonians... because, honestly, a 6-yr old isn't as interested in reading and learning about stuff as he is interested in seeing cool things and having his dad explain it all later after he's had a chance to process it.



Keeping his legs moving seemed to do the trick, even when he claimed to be exhausted.



I had the extreme pleasure of having lunch with Mr. VooDooChile. Very nice guy - pretty much what I expected - good personality, easy to talk to, friendly... just like he has been here. So thanks to you, Voodoo, for all that you doodoo, this Buds for you... oh.. damn.. I broke into '80s commercial jingle again... *ahem* sorry.



Good trip over all - I'll have pictures up later. Too much to do... too much to do!

Another day down...
03:58 Aug 03 2009
Times Read: 1,844

...tomorrow, off to DC and the Smithsonians.



But for now, sleep begs for my attention. I listen to the two little motorboats quietly snoring behind me... such a long day for them.



Especially when woken up at 7:30 by their grandmother calling to ask if we called her.



So much for sleeping in. Thanks mom.



*sigh*

...counting the days
05:10 Aug 02 2009
Times Read: 1,866

Notes from a family visit...



1. My family can be really annoying. Getting both of my parents and brother together all at once... it's a huge reminder of why I wasn't upset when he moved away and they got divorced.



2. My son is such a cool kid. He walked a Civil War Battle Field with me to day, reading the plaques and monuments in blazing heat, and enjoyed it. He spent so much time today tending to his new baby cousins and without complaint, helping the adults with things. I'm so proud of him. :)



3. My brother hasn't learned to cook yet. Kabbobs are all well and good, but you can't cook veggies and steak together, at the same time, and expect it to come out right. Either the veggies will be undercooked or the steak will be overcooked, and odd are they will be a little of both. Timing is everything, bro, and that steak was cubed chewing gum.



4. I really have to work on getting my daughter to lighten up. Schedules aren't the end-all of life. Going to bed late is ok, just sleep in a bit the next day. Everything will be good, honest!



5. Mother, you're 61. Or, will be soon. You don't need a pick-up truck with a V8 that gets 12 gallons to the mile. This trip is costing you a fortune because you refuse to drive something reasonable. Make use of the clunker trade-in money and get a frickin' Jetta. I'll keep my fingers crossed that heap actually makes it back home.



6. Morri, if you think there are a lot of weird looking people where we live - stand outside a church down here for a while...

House Eternal...
05:00 Aug 01 2009
Times Read: 1,262

A long time ago, House Eternal came up with the Adopt-a-Whelp program. Basically, the more senior members would act as guidence to new members to help them get the most out of VR.



We were the original mentors, before mentorship.



Now it's official... I think that's pretty cool.