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anglzofdeath's Journal


anglzofdeath's Journal

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1 entry this month
 

wonders why

08:49 Oct 03 2009
Times Read: 672


hi everyone ;)



i just need your opinnion about something that has been bothering

me for a while... and i just need another perspective on it

i guess in a way i may need a rality check.



and btw this is my first post so in a while ima kinda scared about the

reactions that i might get from this postin other words i am

trying to put a brave face on hehe...



well yeah here it goes...



there is this guy (yeah i no, i no another boy drama ... and

i am getting to the point) and i have liked him since well

the start of this year ... and we go to the same uni and are in

same class right...



well aniwais we eventually got together but it all seemed to fall

apart after a few days... which was heart breaking and when i asked

why we broke up.. at the time he tried to avoid the subject..

so thinking that i had something wrong ... and i had heard from a netural

friend of ours that he was realli annoyed with me i kind of went into a

state of shock ....and started blaming myself for what had happened



but he later date he told me that i reminded him to much of his

X and that he wasnt ready for a relationship...



but rejecting all the heartache that i was feeling we would still

have sex countless of times and the times that we did i would think

that i would have a chance with him.... but when i would ask him about it

he would just avoid the subject...

and this had been going on for a few months .... and my friends

tell me that he is no good for me and that he is just using me



i was at his place not to long ago and we were making out we watched a

movie... apparently it was him and his X's movie ... and then he

started talking about all his mates that were also represented

as characters in that movie and theme songs and stuff ... while

i was there listing i kind of felt realli distant from him

and slightly alone.. he had all these memmories i just felt like

i never seemed to fit in ...



on the way home we were sitting in the car we were talking about

his previous relationship ... it was obvious that he still had

deep feelings for her .... and in a way i knew that what they had was

something that i couldnt compete with....



so i held his had and i told him "you already no my feelings for you

ill give you your space if you need it and that i am here for you

if you need me" ... i knew that he needed to do this on his own

and that he really did love his X ... I never wanted to replace her

becasue that would be a suicide mission within itself all i realli wanted

him was acceptance and the understanding



but just recently there was an incident where he empied his load

in me w/o a connie on and i am on the pill .... but the thing is

that when this happened he called me and said that he loved me

and asked me if i was to have his child in 10 years time ...



... In other words what i am trying to say is ... how do you

know when its time to let go?? ... he sais that he loves me

when all i do is run in circles .... but the thing is that

we are sooo close and are the best of friends ...



and that i cant keep away .... even if i wanted to run i couldnt

i just feel realli lost and confused and maybe


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