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I just spent like a half hour writing in my journal just to realize I wasn't signed in LOL oh the irony. Oh well the just of it was I was ranting about my oldest sons fathers terrible mistreatment of our son and very grateful that my son has my husband as a daddy cause the saying is true that any man can be a father but it takes someone special to be a daddy. So I said to anyman that has stepped up and given a child his unconditional love and attention thank you it is nice to know that men who value family and children exist in this world and I am so happy to have found one of them.

Ok its 4 in the morning and here I sit hypnotized by the neon colors and flashing pictures on the screen before me. I know I should be sleeping but there is just something in my genetic makeup that keeps me from it. I find it so hard to function in the daytime hours. Night is where I belong it is where I thrive and find my sould soaring to be free. I am not a youth and the fleeting moments of time to not go unnoticed anymore. I have responsibilities my head keeps saying but this is when you are most alive says the spirit. I am in a ongoing struggle between sheer exhaustion and peace of mind. I have children who like to sleep at night and stay awake in the day and of course that requires my utmost attention. I think if only they would let me sleep till noon it would be glorious. Knowing that is just simply crazy. The mundayne world operates from 9-5 and like it or not so must I. It seems that I have always been the last one up at the ball only to have to be the first one up at the crack of dawn. If only the world were on an automatic timer that I could pause at night if only for a few hours then I could start it again and get the much needed sleep inorder to begin the next day of chores and request and runny noses. Maybe its a mid life crisis maybe My youth is struggling to regain some of its much lost ground. I don't know but I feel compelled to invest in some tylenol pm and give up the ghost so to speak. Or maybe I just have to relish in the fact that I am nocturnal while the rest of the day light loving people arond me are not and get over it LOL. At least till my little ones are in full day school and then I can sleep while they are submerged in their educational sun filled days. Only 4 more years to go I can do it. Well anyway guess that is all for my ranting at least at the moment. I guess I will try some more warm tea and try to get sleepy.