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My mother is too nice. My sister-in-law asks what the problem is with her daughter, and how they can fix it so my mother gently tries to tell her some of the things my niece has been telling us, and of course my sister-in-law gets super butthurt about it. It's funny how people want you to be brutally honest about shit until your brutal honesty points at them, and then they don't wanna hear it. Like, what was she expecting to hear? Look, not all of my niece's problems are her parents. It's trendy to he mentally ill. It's especially trendy, for whatever reason, to be borderline, that's like the IT mental illness right now. But among teenage girls, being mentally unstable is a trendy thing. One of my niece's best friends is constantly in, and out of the mental hospital, constantly threatening to kill herself, making cutting videos, saying she's going to steal her mom's gun, shit like that. And I hate to say that this a person who needs to be cut out of her life because when you're a teenage girl, and you don't have many friends you kinda clutch on to what you do have. And ya know, this girl obviously also has some issues, but it's difficult to tell what's a real issue, and what's just a teenager being a teenager. She's obviously not a good influence on my niece, she's obviously very unstable, but how do you take away a person's friend like that? It's difficult explaining to a child that a real friend wouldn't be putting all that shit on her which is making her own mental state worse. How many tried to "save" me from Wolfie? Because I don't like admitting, but it was very emotionally exhausting, our relationship. It wasn't bad, he wasn't toxic, I didn't need saving, but it was... a lot, and people could tell that it was a lot feeling like I was constantly trying to keep us both above water. I know that's part of why he left, and... I wish he'd stayed. But if he's better out there without me then good, I accept that. But I'm also not a teenage girl. I don't know how I would've handled my niece's situation at her age, especially since at her age I was the sick one. But her parents are completely delusional, they refuse to hear that any of it is their fault, it, "hurts their feelings." Ok, well... You're adults. Get the fuck over it. Do better for your kids. Cauae if my niece is in there telling these people that no one is taking care of them, and that the care of her younger siblings is almost completely on her... Oh, and taking care of her dad. For whatever reason, she's responsible for getting up earlier than she needs to so she can wake her dad up for work. Like... you seriously can't get yourself up? You can't let her get the sleep she needs you selfish ass, you the adult need the 13 year old to get your ass outta bed. Shit like this, and they get offended if you bring it up. I know that's part of why my niece wanted to go away like this, it gets her away from that toxic household. It's been made perfectly clear that she's always welcome here to stay, and my brother says he doesn't care, but her mom pulls the, "But that's my baby," card, well fucking treat her like it then. She's a child, treat her like one. My brother pisses me off because he'll say to my niece, "I just miss my baby, I'll never see her again," like... like she's nothing now, like she grew up, and became this meaningless thing in his life, and he just wants her to go back to being a little girl when he's the one who forced her to grow up because somebody had to take care of his other children. I told my mom, let me at 'em, I'll REALLY hurt their feelings, somebody needs to tell them how worthless they are. Because she's going to come home to the exact same situation... that's not going to fix anything. It was also mentioned that she's been having hallucinations. I'm curious about this since I also have hallucinations, mostly sleep hallucinations, but still. That's another thing that pisses me off. Any time my niece tries to talk to my brother about her mental shit, he brings up my nephew, and how my nephew is the one with the real problems. I'll say this... and I'm not a professional obviously. But. In my extensive experience with mental ilillness, my nephew had no signs of being mentally ill. He's a liar, he's a manipulator, but these are things he does for attention because his parents spend no time with him. Now my baby niece... if she said she's been hearing voices telling her to set things on fire, THAT I would take very seriously. I love her, and she can be the sweetest thing, but... she can also be pretty mean. Like when I heard she's been punching their cat, and kicking their dog. I told her very straight that we do not hurt animals, it is absolutely not ok, if you hurt animals you're not going to come around me. Which is a difficult conversation to have with a six year old, especially one who you know personally has a chaotic homelife, and that's a big part of where their aggression comes from. She's really good with my cat, I suspect she knows better than to mess with him. I worry with her that there's trauma there from... something. And like I've mentioned before, they allow the guy who put his hand down my oldest niece's pants to still come around the house so who fucking knows what he's done to the other two. It honestly completely disgusts me. And even more mindblowing is that my sister-in-law claims she was molested as a kid... So you'd think she'd take it very seriously her own daughter's accusations. Nope. She allows her scumbag brother in their home. When you hear all this it's like oh, no fucking wonder my niece is in a mental institution. But don't you dare blame her parents, it hurts their little feelings🥺
I dunno who's gonna blow first, me or my dad... He told me a couple days ago, after he learned about my brother's rampant cheating, "Don't tell me anything else about your brother, I don't wanna know." Well you need to know, you're the patriarch of this family, get your children under control, this is more drama than Greek mythology xD
Heartbreakingly, my oldest niece decided she needed to go to a mental ward today. I'm proud of her for getting help, I know she's been struggling with her mental health, especially with suicidal thoughts. Unfortunately, mental illness runs rampant in this family, and while I know that a lot of what she's going through is typical teenage bullshit, I do believe she genuinely has deeper issues going on, a lot to do with her unstable parents. The problem is that if things don't change at home all the help in the world won't do a damn thing for her, and already her mother is making this all about herself. My niece didn't want to tell everyone what's going on, but here comes her mother, in a group chat to the whole fucking family, talking about how much it's hurting her as a mother to see her daughter go through this.
Give me a motherfucking break.
It's interesting how this bitch wants to play mommy when there's attention to be had, when there's a spotlight to shine on her, but otherwise... she doesn't give a shit about her kids. We definitely need a spotlight on these two, but not one they're gonna like. They need a fucking reality check. Again, teenagers tend to be pretty dramatic, and not getting along with your parents is pretty normal for her age. But... Like I've said, back in December I rode in the back of a van over 1000 miles with my brother, his wife, and three kids, and I constantly had to put myself between my brother, and my oldest niece because he just berates her, and her mother says nothing, does nothing, doesn't even attempt to defend her child when her husband is talking down to her. My brother doesn't act like an adult with his daughter, he doesn't try to teach her better when she's behaving, shockingly, like a teenager. Instead he sinks down to her level, gets extremely defensive, and aggressive, and just plain mean. And I'm not afraid to put my brother in his fucking place, especially when it comes to the kidd cause fuck yes, I will tell you how to patents if you're acting like an infant instead of an adult. But his wife just sits there quietly. She talks big to everyone about how protective she is of her children, but she's fucking fake, she has allowed my brother to completely destroy my niece, and there's nothing anyone can do. I've told my niece, just a couple more years, and you'll be free, you can do whatever you want with the rest of your life, and the rest of your life is so much bigger than what's happening right now, you just have to get through the now. The problem with these kids is that they're being taught that it's ok to have feelings, your emotions are valid, and that's very true. But. They're being taught to just feel, and not process. It's ok to feel, it's good to have a range of emotions, it's human, but you have to learn how to overcome them, and some things you just have to get the fuck over it or you end up like... well, you know. I'm about to punch my sister-in-law in the face. She's been in the group chat, one her daughter is a part of, whining and crying about how difficult this is FOR HER, about how painful it is FOR HER. Like fuck off, lady. Cause my niece is going to get out, get her phone, and that's what she's going to see, that she hurt her mom trying to get help. Everyone else is trying to be supportive, and this bitch is making it 100% about her. I had a shred of sympathy for my sister-in-law come to surface when I learned that my brother has cheated on her their entire relationship, but she's just as toxic, self-centered, and narcissistic as he is, they deserve each other. I've tried to tell my brother, she's going to run as soon as she can, as far away from you as she can, and you better hope she ends up here, not across the country with some guy. Cause I did that to my parents when I was 19, and I regret putting them through that, but as much as my brother resents our father, he IS our father. The thing is, my dad learned from his mistakes, it took him almost til his 60s, but he grew, changed, and apologized for how he was when we were kids. And now my brother is doing his kids worse, and somehow doesn't see it or just doesn't care. It's hard watching it happen, knowing you can't help them. Like, how can you be so... delusional?
Intergalactic space turtle, I need your guidance😮💨
My brother tells my oldest niece, "Don't end up like your aunt, all she does is eat snack cakes, and play video games all day."
xD
Yep. That's where all my money goes, snack cakes, and fancy livin'. Hard to believe I don't weigh 500-600 lbs of pure Little Debbie.
What a fucking idiot. I'd love to know where the hidden cameras are he uses to know with such authority what it is I do with my time. Yep, I do play video games, usually for a couple hours a day before I go to bed, it relaxes me. And yes, I do buy snack cakes FOR HIS CHILDREN. Because you wouldn't believe the amount of times he drops them off here, "Hey, feed the kids, we don't have any food." Because... cigarettes take priority there. And energy drinks. And regular $500 tattoos. I could go spend $5,000 to coat myself, but I don't. Wanna know why I have money, and he doesn't? Because I have my adult priorities together. And if you bring this face up to them, "I deserve to spend money on myself," no you fucking don't, not when they then have no money to feed/clothe/take care of their kids. My brother said, "I'm the richest man in the world," after he got his tax refund. Guess how much of that money went to his kids? How much do you think went to paying my parents back all the money he "borrows" constantly? Apparently, my dad is the only one who didn't know thar my brother has rampantly cheated on his wife their entire relationship. My oldest sister said something about it at dinner a few nights ago, and he was shocked, though I don't know why, your son is a fucking scumbag. He is extremely critical, borderline abusive, of everyone around him, but don't you dare reflect it back on him because all of his faults aren't his fault. He's excused from treating people like shit, I'm not, and you aren't, but he is. Your problems don't matter, your circumstances aren't valid, the only things in the world that are justified are whatever has happened to him. I've had diagnosed mental illness longer than he has, I was told I was Borderline at 18 years old which tends to make a person wildly emotionally fucking unstable, now do I go around telling people what I think of them while hiding behind the shield of, "Welp, can't help it, I get to be a giant douchebag cause my mentals." Fuck no. If I tell you what I fucking think of you it's me doing me, clear-headed, probably because you deserved it. I am so over guys in their 30s being huge babies. I keep seeing on Reddit, "The epidemic of men's loneliness, why can't my 30 year old son find a partner." Hey... hey, I'll tell you why. Because women like me would rather literally die alone than be with these LOSERS. And it's not your job or your looks or your hobbies or your social standing that make you big fucking losers, it's your insufferable, unbearable personalities and general attitudes towards everything. And women my age are especially screwed because, in my experience, you go for younger guys and they're all immature douchebags, you go older and you get wild insecurity mixed with zero confidence. There are no attractive men within the 25-50 age gap, not if you even remotely have any standards. Again, not talking about looks. It's like there are no even half-way emotionally available, stable guys out there. Getting in a relationship is like taking on an extremely needy dog or toddler, yet none of the fulfillment of either. My oldest nephew was telling me recently, "I couldn't be in a relationship with a girl if things weren't completely equal."
xD
Ok, bud. Hate to tell you, but things are never equal, especially when it comes to effort. Of course, this coming from the same 16 year old kid who told me he's been watching videos on Tiktok on how to tie people up... When my oldest nephew, and niece are together, somehow the conversation always turns to sex. Cause they're teenagers, and they seem to forget that I'm their old auntie. And as much as it may make me cringe to talk to them about this stuff, I want them to be well informed and safe. And learning how to tie your girlfriend up from Tiktok... No xD And it's funny because obviously I don't want them to know what I'm into, that's not family friendly, but... I don't want anyone to get hurt so it's hard to explain, no seriously, I know what I'm talking about, without telling them how I know. Obviously I try the adult, "You should wait til you're older for any of this when emotionally you'll be able to appreciate it more," because that definitely works, right, that'll stop them xD I did tell them that if they ever seriously decide to go into... that side of things, do your research, make sure your partner does their research, make sure everyone is well informed, and it's all clear and consensual, and no body gets hurt. I, unfortunately, know how much porn my nephew has watched, I know the shit that can do to you, how it can massively warp your idea of what things should be, and trust me, it ain't like the videos, it requires much more care. If he were an adult I would send a proper Dom over to have this conversation with him, don't ask me how I know this man, don't ask me for any details, leave me outta it, cauae they always wanna know about my experiences, and I'm just like... no xD We will not go there, you don't need to go there until you're at an appropriate healthy age. That's why I'm trying to tell him to wait without actually telling him to wait, cause when you tell someone not to do something that's usually exactly what they do. I always have to remind them how old I am, and that I had a whole life before they were born, and a whole life through their entire 16 years, just because you think I'm old, and boring. Well now I am old, and boring as far as they're concerned. Let's keep it that way xD
I was telling my mother... this planet has never felt like home. I dream often of a ringed planet. Not Saturn. Red. Huge in the sky. Maybe that's home. Some people say you're here on Earth because you chose to be, you came here to help. Well my official report would be that the people on this planet are beyond help. There are good people here. Not enough. Now if I had to guess why I'd willingly come to this Hellhole... probably chasing some guy. We all know it. Hey... big sky turtle? I've learned my lesson, I wanna go home xD
I don't understand the death of big space turtle in the Stephen King universe. He choked to death? So... this thing that vomits up entire universes, and lives out in darkness, and deep space... needs to breathe? Or is it some kinda metaphor for how creation can't go on forever, eventually the universe just stops, even gods can die? I don't like the whole stance space turtle takes on staying out of human affairs... Like, dude, if you created something, I think you have the right to be involved in protecting it. Pennywise is space turtle's brother, right? If that were my brother I'd take my giant space turtle flipper, and slap the shit outta him, stop eating my creations xD There's a time, and age for benevolence... then there's a time, and age to beat down the asshole terrorizing your planet as a big space clown spider. It's fascinating to me how many religions base their beliefs entirely around these deities who have no proof of existence because, conveniently, they just don't "mettle" in the affairs of humans.
Uh huh...
So all you so-called good, holy, righteous, divine assholes who supposedly COULD do something... you just refuse to? Because reasons. Wow. I am truly astounded by such benevolence, that's definitely something I want to worship.
Sure, you shouldn't hover over your babies, deflecting every danger that crosses them, things gotta learn to do by themselves. But. If something otherworldly is attacking them then I feel like maybe it's ok to offer them your own otherworldly assistance, and be like, nuh uh. It's like in Christianity how God is like, "Ok, gonna let Satan run rampant on the Earth for a bit, I'll swoop in, and fix it all eventually." Like... why though? You know there's evil, you created the evil, you knew what it would become when you created it because you're Mr. "All-knowing", you know what this thing is going to do, you know people are suffering, you know you could stop it, but you let it all happen because you want people to prove their faith, and belief in YOU, it's all about YOU. That just doesn't speak to a universal force of good, in my opinion. Prideful, egotistical, narcissistic. Not good.
I fucking hate this hospital I'm being seen at now. Everyone's head there seems to be eternally shoved up their own ass cause none of them ever have their shit together. And I appreciate that the kidney doctors there took me on as a patient cause, holy fuck, if you need a specialist for anything, good fucking luck, every doctor is so overbooked, this entire planet is so overpopulated you can't get Healthcare even if you beg for it. So even having a kidney doctor is kinda miraculous. They called me a week ago to remind me that I had an appointment in two weeks, go get my labs done. Ok, no problem, made an appointment to get it done today, showed up, and, "Sorry, we don't have any lab orders for you." I find this especially hilarious because I specifically asked my doctor's receptionist, hey, are they gonna have my lab orders, and he told me, "It's a standing order so it should be the same as the last time." Nope. They had nothing for me. So I call my doctor, and they're like, "Oh, no problem, just go back tomorrow." No. No, I'm not xD Because it's almost an hour drive to this place, through traffic, fuck no am I not going back tomorrow. I'll be willing to come back in a few weeks after you completely reschedule my appointment you absolute idiots. They want me to get my lab work done at this specific, very inconvenient place, and theu can't even get their shit straight when I manage to make it up there. Like people don't have lives or anything, just drop everything, and do it tomorrow. They also, for whatever reason, have an office that's four hours away in another fucking city, and they ask me, "Would it be ok to have your appointments there where it's less busy?" I'm supposed to drive 8 hours to see my fucking doctor, are you insane? An appointment which generally includes the doctor looking at my labs, telling me it looks good, and sending me on my way. Are you fucking stupid? Did you really have to ask if I'd drive 8 hours for that? Cause fuck no. These are some of the many things that make me feel like when this kidney goes, I'm fucking done cause I can't deal with the medical industry anymore, and this hospital is way too incompetent, I would 100% not trust them to do surgery on me, I think I'd literally be better off dead. When I was there in December with sepsis, they didn't even clean my open wounds. They did once when I got there, I was there a week. The doctor said it needed to be cleaned daily, I asked if I should do it myself, they said no, the nurses will handle it, never did except the once the entire week I was there, never cleaned the fucking thing that gave me the fucking sepsis, and almost killed me. Like... mind-blowing.
That moment you swear the Universe is trying to tell you something...
Something that looks like nothing. Something only you would see. Something only you would notice.
Volk means wolf in Russian. Volkov means Of the Wolf. Someone once taught me that, a long time ago. Someone properly named Leonid, though not many people call him that~
Oh, come on xD
In the grand scheme, a couple years isn't such a long time. It's enough time to think. What would I even say to you? I've been angry, I've been heartbroken, I've been hurt, I've been lost, I've been completely destroyed. But I'm still going. I hope you are too. If I had to say one thing to you... it would simply be, come home~
He cute, but he don't cooperate xD
He is not a selfie kitty, he knows when I've got a camera on him. Alone, he'll put his head on my shoulder, and be a big squishball. But if I pick him up to show him off on cam, nope, not allowed, put me down or feel my wrath~
My dad says to me, "If you get into it with your brother, I've got your back, do what you think you need to do."
And my mother is on the other side of me, "No, no, noooooo."
xD
I would never attack my brother. Because I don't go after people who are weaker than me. And while my brother is physically twice my size, and strength, he's much weaker than me mentally and emotionally. It would be too easy to break him, to push him over the edge, and as much as he annoys the shit outta me, as much shit and disrespect as I get from him, I'm not going to purposely push him over. I have so much ammo I could use against him, things he doesn't know I know, he has no fucking idea. I really don't like it when he involves the kids though. My oldest niece, he's constantly shit-talking me to her, and when she defends me, because we're as close as sisters, he gets mad at her for not agreeing with him. And she shouldn't have to defend me, if he has a motherfucking problem with me he should be a goddamn man, and bring it to me, me, the adult. Instead, be chooses to lay that on a 13 year old girl, and gets mad when she has her own opinion about things. If you're wrong, you're wrong, shut the fuck up. Dad says you're wrong, shut the fuck up xD My niece has been recording him... And she's gonna get busted eventually. But she caught him in a recording literally saying that his family means nothing to him, and he'd be good without any of us. Fucking blow, dude, take your ass on down the road. I don't need anyone in my life who doesn't want or need me, and I especially don't care to keep anyone around me with that fucking attitude. Cause there are people out there who actually have NO ONE. He's lucky to have a family, one that helps him constantly with all the holes he's dug himself in to. Some people are actually alone out there, fucker.
I started doing my taxes about 3am... Because what the fuck else am I doing up at 3am xD I finally got them done, all by myself. Last time I had to do my taxes I had Wolfie to help me so... it feels kinda good to do it on my own. The IRS may come after me, I wouldn't be surprised xD But I did it on my own. It's not that it's necessarily difficult, it's just really tedious. Because I'm considered self-employed, but I get a 1099 from the apps I sell on. And the really annoying part is that they can only tax me on profit of what I sell. So if I buy something for $100, but sell it for $50, that's selling at a loss, that's not taxable. But buying for $100, and selling for $150, that $50 is taxable. So you have to go through every item you've sold, figure out what you paid for it vs what it sold for, add up the total profit you made vs how much your inventory was worth when the year started to see what your net income or loss is. Then you've got expenses/deductions like app fees or postage or cost of shipping supplies. It's just a lot of numbers, a lot of stupid numbers, I hate numbers, I'm too pretty to have to do math xD But it does make me realize I need to keep better track of my inventory because I'm gonna have to do this again in a year, and it might help to make some records of my numbers now since it's going to come up then. See, I'm saying I need to plan ahead, but ask me tomorrow if I actually did it, I'll br like, wha-😒
ALL of the above xD
Look. I get shit done. But I get it done when I get it fucking done, you worry about you over there, I can handle myself even if it means barely squeaking by at the last second, and it often does, but I fucking get there~
I've reached a point in my life where people get one fuck-up. Everyone makes mistakes, you're allowed one. Beyond the one, it's no longer a mistake, it's deliberate. In my experience, if someone knows they can fuck you over with no repercussions, they're just going to keep doing it. So unless you put serious hard-core effort into fixing what you fucked up, you no longer exist to me after the one. I've given too many people too many chances over my entire life. Don't tell me I deserve better. Be fucking better or fucking blow, I do not want or care for weak shit or pathetic excuses❤️
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