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Used to feel welcome in this life

Now I feel like last weeks garbage

Used to talk all the time

Now only silence rings in my ears

Standing outside in the cold looking in

Seeing a painful truth that slices to the core

So confused where I went wrong

Respecting the wishes made clear that day

Pulled away-tears mingle with the rain

As I crawled back in my cave

~Jo~

05/10/2012

My heart is scarred and broken

So I close the door to keep you out

Only to find the pain you inflicted

Has followed me; imprisoning me

Every word striking open a wound

Mistakes made by both

But only one accepts responsibility

Quick to discard and walk away

Truth revealed and eyes are opened

Your empty words of love fall away

I was nothing but a doormat to you

So I accept the fault as the fool

Learning from this and moving on

Healing and covering my scars

The scars that will always remind me

To keep my walls up and guarded

~J~ 6/2012

You searched and found me

I was so hesitant but met with you

That simple act started a war

The first wound was my heart

The second wound was my family

From then on it was a huge battle

that never ended

Truth hit me hard

My eyes were opened

yet I still wore rose colored glasses

There has been forgiveness

with answers

There has been mistakes

due to stupidity and innocence

There has been cruelty

both inbred and taught

My vision became so clear

The glasses ripped off

In the end there was nothing

but pain and anger

In the end it was all for nothing

In the end I am glad its over

In the end I still cry

for all the loss

for all the suffering

for all that cannot be put in words

In the end I should have never

answered that email

In the end....

~J~

6/22/12

I tried so hard to make you apart of my world

and I failed miserably causing more pain

this goes in two opposite ways of life

yet all on the same path of blood

understanding both sides of the suffering

yet completely blind to it all

one side hides in the shadows

all the while stating support

the other side sucks me dry

leaving nothing but a corpse

In my vulnerable state of life

I choose to run and hide

closing down and sitting silent

I will heal and protect mine

~J~ 06/10/12

You can't have him

I'm not ready-he's not ready

I will fight you knowing its foolish

You always win but I can't stop

He is mine

He is my friend

He is my lover

He is my rock

He listens to me- really hearing me

In his arms nothing can hurt me

His tender kisses leave me feeling so loved

Like no other ever has

He is such a part of me

To take him is to take me

Ripping me apart leaving nothing

but a huge mountain of pain

You don't need him but I do

You can't have him

He is MINE! 

~Jo~

10/20/10 6:58am

Silent screams ripping 

Silent sobs escaping 

Silent grief smothering

Alone in the dark

Hiding her vulnerability

Keeping all others away

Protecting her pain

Burying her shattered heart

Abandoning her battered soul

Nothing but an empty shell

Leaving behind all life

Her existence is over



~Jo~

08-17-12