The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

You know you are a 70’s kid if:

1) You did “The Time Warp”

2) You said things like: “Far Out Man”, “What’s Up, Dude?”, “Que Pasa?”, “What's Happenin'?”, “Keep on Truckin’”, “Hey, Foxy Lady”

3) You remember paying less than $10.00 for a concert ticket

4) You had a bean bag chair, read Tiger Beat or 16 Magazine, owned some platform shoes, used Sun-In on your hair, remember PSsssssst - the spray in shampoo, owned a Pet Rock or a Mood Ring

5) You knew all the words to every Schoolhouse Rocks entry

6) You saw someone streak!

7) You or your friends were reading: The Outsiders, SE Hinton or Jonathan Livingston Seagull, by Richard Bach

8) You did the “Bump” or liked to Shake your Booty

9) You had a shag haircut to match your folks shag carpeting (and along with that you know what a carpet rake is…)

10) You watched “Don Kirshner’s Rock Concert” or saw the original cast of Saturday Night Live, well…live.

11) You remember when a peanut farmer was President and you further remember his brother created “Billy Beer” or you watched “Carter Country”

12) You remember the last episode of “Gunsmoke” or the first of “Happy Days” or “Little House on the Prairie”

13) Did you own a Pet Rock, Mood Ring, Clackers or a Big Wheel?

14) We wore: a peasant blouse, Love’s Baby Soft perfume, Jeans with fringe around the bottom, Painter’s Pants, Tube Tops, Leisure Suits, English Leather, Elephant Bell Bottoms, Mirrored sunglasses

15) You remember the introduction of cassette tapes or played with an 8-track yourself!



and my top one of course is:



YOU SAW STAR WARS in the theater when it came out!



There are a lot more things – what do you remember from the 70’s that set it apart from the other eras?

Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter

Rule One

If you pull into my driveway and honk, you better be delivering a package because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two

Do not touch my daughter in my presence. You may glare at her adoringly, so long as you do not peer at anything below the neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughter I will remove them.

Rule Three

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off of your hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are idiots. If you show up at my home with your pants falling down I will be forced to ensure that they do not come off during the course of your date with my daughter by taking my electric staple gun and fastening the pants directly to your waist.

Rule Four

I'm sure you've been told that sex in today's world without a "barrier device" can kill you. Let me elaborate: I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five

Current thinking is that in order for you and me to get to know each other, we should talk politics, sports, and other issues. Do not do this. Your ignorance and stupidity will only serve to anger me. The only information I require of you is when you will have my daughter home. To this end, you only need two words: "early" and "sir."

Rule Six

I have no doubt that you are a popular fellow, with opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it's okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you've gone out with my little girl you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry harder.

Rule Seven

As you stand in my hallway waiting for my daughter to appear, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time you should not be dating my daughter. She is doing her hair, putting on make-up, or whatever; a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like change the oil in my car.

Rule Eight

The following places are not appropriate places to take my daughter: places with beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool - places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight - places that are dark or poorly lit - places where there is dancing, holding hands, or excessive happiness - places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat - movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme. Hockey games are okay, old folks homes are better, a convent is best.

Rule Nine

Do not ever lie to me. I may appear to be a middle-aged, dim-witted has-been, but on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of you car in the driveway for a chopper coming over a rice paddy. When my PTSD starts kicking in, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into driveway, you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Note the camouflaged face in the window is mine. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car.