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Love is a funny thing. Fickle, really.

About 2 years ago I didn't believe in love. I saw it all as nothing more than electrical impulses in your mind, making the weak-minded flutter about, gossiping about the love they had found. Then, I met this girl I will refer to as 'kink'. She had this traumatic past, the tainted and jaded outlook on things, and she intrigued me, a lot. That was the beginning of a wondrous and painful story. She fell in love with me, eventually I with her, but we didn't exactly live happily ever after. We have hurt each other, and we have saved each other. We have loved each other, and we have claimed to hate each other. We have made love for hours, and screamed at each other for hours. Now, things are unclear. We separated again about two months ago, and didn't talk or see each other for most of that time. We have been talking, spending some time together. We both miss the other, so much its tangible, but... its complicated. Neither of us know how to start over. I want her to forgive me for what I've done, as I've forgiven her, but until that happens I know better than to get back into a relationship. We both need to work on ourselves so we don't end up hurting the other again, but time and distance can do so much damage. They tell you that 'absence makes the heart grow fonder.' But its only the right kind of absence. This... I don't know anymore.

You know I will always love you, no matter what.

And I'm sorry things got to where they are today, for what I've done, and for the things you are to blame for. 'We weren't supposed to become this.' I know, ma cherie. I know. I agree. I know you love me, that isn't in question. And you know I love you, but is that really enough? I just don't know anymore. Maybe someday, someday, things will work themselves out and we can once again be in each other's arms. Just... I'm not ready for that. And I wish you could understand just how bad you hurt me. Maybe then you would understand my reluctance to let you back in. You have the power to raise me up, baby, but you also have the power to bring me down, and destroy me. You've done both. Just know, that no matter what I always will love you. Until my dying day.