Let's Do It - Victoria Wood. Just reposting this so I don't have to go all the way back to ancient entries when I want to listen to it.
Freda and Barry sat one night.
The sky was clear. The stars were bright.
The wind was soft. The moon was up.
Freda drained her cocoa cup
She licked her lips. She felt sublime.
She switched off Gardeners' Question Time.
Barry cringed in fear and dread
As Freda grabbed his tie, and said:
Let's do it!
Let's do it,
Do it while the mood is right!
I'm feeling
Appealing.
I've really got an appetite.
I'm on fire
With desire.
I could handle half the tenors in a male voice choir.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!
But he said:
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I don't believe in too much sex.
This fashion
For passion
Turns us into nervous wrecks.
No derision!
My decision—
I'd rather watch The Spinners on the television.
I can't do it.
I can't do it tonight.
So she said:
Let's do it!
Let's do it,
Do it till our hearts go boom!
Go native,
Creative
Living in the living room.
This folly
Is jolly.
Bend me over backwards on me Hostess trolley.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!
But he said:
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
Me 'eavy breathing days have gone.
I'm older,
Feel colder.
It's other things that turn me on.
I'm imploring:
I'm boring.
Let me read this catalogue on vinyl flooring.
I can't do it.
I can't do it tonight.
So she said:
Let's do it!
Let's do it,
Have a crazy night of love!
I'll strip bare.
I'll just wear
Stilettos and an oven glove.
Don't starve a
Girl of a palaver.
Dangle from the wardrobe in your Balaclava.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!
But he said:
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I know I'd only get it wrong.
Don't angle
For me to dangle.
Me arms 'ave never been that strong.
Stop pouting.
Stop shouting.
You know I pulled a muscle when I did that grouting.
I can't do it.
I can't do it tonight.
Let's do it!
Let's do it,
Share a night of wild romance,
Frenetic,
Poetic!
This could be your last big chance
To quote Milton,
To eat Stilton,
To roll in gay abandon on the tufted Wilton.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I've got other little jobs on hand.
Don't grouse
Around the house.
I've got a busy evening planned.
Stop nagging.
I'm flagging.
You know as well as I do that the pipes want lagging.
I can't do it.
I can't do it tonight.
Let's do it!
Let's do it
While I'm really in the mood!
Three cheers!
It's years
Since I caught you even semi-nude.
Get drastic
Gymnastic.
Wear your baggy Y-fronts with the loose elastic.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I must refuse to get undressed.
I feel silly.
It's too chilly
To go without me thermal vest.
Don't choose me.
Don't use me.
Me mother sent a note to say you must excuse me.
I can't do it.
I can't do it tonight.
Let's do it!
Let's do it!
I feel I absolutely must.
I won't exempt you,
Want to tempt you,
Want to drive you mad with lust.
No cautions,
Just contortions!
Smear an avocado on me lower portions.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
It's really not my cup of tea.
I'm harassed,
Embarrassed.
I wish you hadn't picked on me.
No Dramas
Gimme my pyjamas
The only girl i'm mad about is Judith Chalmers.
I can't do it.
I can't do it tonight.
Let's do it!
Let's do it!
I really want to run amok.
Let's wiggle.
Let's jiggle.
Let's really make the rafters rock.
Be mighty.
Be flighty.
Come and melt the buttons on me flameproof nightie.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!
Let's do it!
Let's do it!
I really want to rant and rave.
Let's go,
'Cause I know
Just how I want you to behave:
Not bleakly,
Not meekly.
Beat me on the bottom with me Woman's Weekly.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!.
And here's the song sung by the lady herself
One very good reason for guys NOT to beg us for..ahem...oral pleasure...
And this one - why not to have cybersex...
And why not to be a flasher:
An IQ-type quiz I took on a site I'm a member of; OKCupid:
Spatial is your strongest intelligence, which probably isn't much of a surprise, since you seem to have sought out these kinds of questions on the test. Scores on this test are calibrated across OkCupid's 2.5 million users to roughly correlate with the standard Mensa and Stanford-Binet tests. Any score above 120 indicates better than average ability.
Looking at the graph below, you can see that you particularly excelled at spatial and social problems. Specialization is well rewarded in today's world.
Your Comparative Intelligences:
verbal: 87
math: 90
spatial: 145
social: 107
Your highest IQ is spatial
High spatial scorers understand physical space, recognize color, and interpret visual images quickly and accurately. It should go without saying that these people are the most artistic of our four measurement groups. They're also the most confident and self-sufficient. Also, according to the picture-rating data we've accumulated on OkCupid, high spatial scorers tend to be significantly more attractive than average. We've asked a couple scientists friends of ours why this is, and they have no idea (they're geologists), but the correlation is quite strong. Our current theory is: this group is the best-dressed of our test takers by a wide margin, and that's affected the ratings. Just so you know, we have actually checked all the above claims anonymously against our user data.
In college and the job market, visual art, like painting or illustration, is the obvious choice for high spatial scores. Graphic design, web design, and advertising are other possible, and perhaps more stable, careers. An interesting trend we've observed in our data: high spatial scorers who have found an outlet for their natural creativity, even if it's not their full-time pursuit, have a very high overall 'life-satisfaction' rating, while high spatial scorers without that outlet—like those who have become lawyers or accounts—have the lowest rating among our entire user base.
Social is your second strongest area.Those with high social intelligence excel, in short, at reading people. They are able to sense the motivations, the attitudes, and in some cases the inner thoughts of those around them. On the IQ Adventure test, we tested for body-language and lie-detection, as these are the most important specific skills. We've found, after correlating scores here with the known patterns of our user-base, those who score high on social intelligence form the most and longest-lasting inerpersonal relationships. Verbal high scorers have a slightly better response rate on messages sent, but social high scorers have by far the better success rate with real-word dates.
Social intelligence is the most practical of all the subjects we measure. Your interpersonal skills are tested hundreds of times a day, and far more can depend on even the most routine conversation that on, say, a word problem or logic puzzle. Interestingly, the savant phenomenon is almost unknown in this intelligence dimension. It appears that up-bringing and practice are the only ways to develop exceptional social ability. It cannot be inborn. This group's power of empathy andIn short, ability to sense (and sometimes manipulate) other people's desires provides a broad foundation for professional and social success. In short, having this type of intelligence enhances all of your other abilities.
Here's the link in case anyone else wants to take the test; you don't need to be a member of the site to take it :-)
http://www.okcupid.com/iq-adventure-test
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