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I hear you've singed skin
I hear you're drawing blood
I hear it helps you rise above
The rushing, swelling flood

I know you hide the burn
I know you clot the red
I know you hold the secret close
So nothing can be said

Because they can never know
Because they wouldn't understand
Because it's all you can control
And all that you command

Exhaling in the moment
Exhaling in the pain
Exhaling because you breathe
When you can feel again

You hide it from your family
You hide it from your friends
You hide it from yourself as well
Until you're urged again

I'd beg you not to do it
I'd beg and plead with you
I'd beg you, but I can't, you see
I used to do it too

Silver filament, deceptively strong
Connects me to something out of reach
Choking all persistent efforts
Like a dog connected to your leash

Silver hooks, thin and brittle
But sharpened at the tips
Pierce my heart and consciousness
And issue from your lips

Silver bells ring in the distance
Sharp, metallic in its death knell
With echoes of a future
As if to say, “here I once fell..”

Because I couldn't bridge the distance
With a plank of brittle wood
And brandishing a match
Igniting all that's good

Because I couldn't cut my leg off
To free me from the chains
For I feared the loss of a limb
And the terror-ignighted pain

But is it better to cut off a limb
And to suffer phantom spasm
Than to let infection spread
And be swallowed by this chasm

This void your silver leaves me
Of tarnished existance when you go
This sterling example of selfishness
Consuming all that you know

So wander in your grey mind-fog
Too absorbed in your confusion
To notice I slip invisible threads
In steely resolution

Come to me as the sun sets
The most perfect time of day
When the world goes respectfully quiet
And what's done just slips away
You will find me in the shadow
In the back room, to the right
Waiting for you here
So I can sleep through the night

This bed is far too big for one
It's here for you to share
I've reserved the space for no one else
Turned down the sheets with care
A pillow ready beside me
I lay here in the melting light
Awaiting sounds of your step
So I can sleep through the night

The dark has always frightened me
The night has held such fear
Those things we bear in daylight
Come creeping far too near
But if you lay beside me
And if you held me tight
I know that I could face them all
And sleep through the night

So if you find you're lonely
Or seek to warm your bones
If you find you're scared, like me
And tired of nights alone
I'm waiting here, as always
Draw close 'til I'm in sight
Synchronize our beating hearts
And we'll sleep through the night

COMMENTS

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thecrucible
05:41 Dec 06 2018

You write beautifully.

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So greedy since I found you
So hard to satiate
So impossible to satisfy
With the contents of my plate

So thirsty for the thrill
So wired with your current
So lead by the invisible
Both focused and divergent

So caught up in the mystery
So scavenging the clues
So bare the bones provided
From this unintended muse

So epic, it’s historic
So rare, it’s caused the craze
So fevered, in my sheltered core
It’s set reason ablaze

So here I sit enraptured
So here I am the fiend
So here I wait in torture
For words I’ve so esteemed

So seconds are like pins
So minutes burn like flame
So hours cut like blades
In this waiting game

So tearing at my sanity
So pulling at my reason
So tugging at my soft insides
And calling Open Season

So tie me to the armchair
So splay me on the table
So stretch me ‘cross the hour hand
Appearing when you’re able

So these eyes can open fully
So this mouth can truly speak
So the soul can really breathe
This consumption find relief

It is an anxious silence
This waiting, this everlasting absence
It is a heavy burden
This hanging, suspended without a net

It is a blatant cruelty
As we both dance upon a wire
It is a breathless waiting
For an outcome withheld yet

It is a masterful skill
To design a plan with so little knowledge
It is a waiting game
With no guarantees for its winner

It is the darkest of all jokes
The entertainment at our expense
When the force of a blade is a word
And its equal is not a beginner

It is a folly of choice
When a choice is no choice at all
When a bet that you make is hollow
No way to spend winnings, or pay debt

Where indecision is a cliff's edge
A mere breeze can loosen the earth
And plummet you to the waiting sea
Of murky waves and foaming regret

How can we play the hand we are dealt
When opponents can see right through
When our 'tell' is truly telling
And down to a final card

We can only hear the voice inside
Not their voice, but ours alone
And choose from a multiple choice
Where every option is hard

I hate the effect you have on me
The unconscious muse, unintentionally inspiring me
And the lack of control I have over my reaction to you
I am a disappointment, ridiculous in indistinguishable want and need
I can no longer say it takes more than the physical to catch my attention
I can no longer say it takes more than the untrained movement deepest in me, to hold it

My mind returns to you with an alarming frequency
My soul craves the sweet oblivion when the taste of your presence touches my tongue
My bloodstream breaks down the unfiltered essence of you, and you invade
My immunity surrenders, beaten
In that moment, in the euphoric high
I am delivered from the crushing of history, the weightiness of the present, and the anxiety of an unknown tomorrow

There is a dizzying unburdening of my spirit, defying the gravity of reality, and sparkling as it is revealed, emerging from the miring mud of reason
And all the words floating loose in me, assemble in the most touching of ways
And all the pronouncements of absolution that had invaded my life and that I thought I had accepted
Grow thin, giving way to the possible and the hopefulness at the core of a weary heart
Something is gained in the loss of some of myself, in the unopened gift laid at your feet, as the spaces are filled with you

And the gift remains there, unacknowledged in even the most basic of ways, only your eyes falling blindly on it, incidentally and unplanned, as you rush to and from all of the things that fill your time
The romance with those that move you, as you move me
The fires that create the evolution of the Phoenix you are
The sources of your destruction and making
The small circle of those you think really care

You will always burn like a star of potential, never realizing the chemical reaction you set off by your very existence
You will always leave a path of less-fortunate in your wake, and without your knowledge
You will never see what's right in front of you
You will never know the gift that remains unopened

COMMENTS

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XxBLACKxX
03:51 Sep 18 2018

Have felt that way quite often myself.

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VioletShadows
04:19 Sep 18 2018

I think most people have. It's a terrible feeling to care for someone more than they care for you. Thank you for reading, and for taking the time to comment. I hope you never feel that way again!

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