The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Funny a person who says they hate prejudgemental (their spelling not mine) douche nozzles and people who make fun of others because they're insecure had to reach out and rate me as lowly. Not only that, she went out of her way to leave me a comment saying such, funny. Hypocrisy is everywhere. What a load of Toss.

I'm loving VR, it seems to fit me well, blogging on MySpace seems such a burden compared to this so I will no longer blog there, just journal here. That brings me to Scott, 20 years ago I was in love with him, we were in High School, I was goth/witch/cutter a sophomore he was a senior an artisit, he drove a volkswagon bus, he was from a middle class home, his father had dies when he was 6, he wore jeans, t-shirts, dress shirts open over his T's, flipflops he was beautiful, looked like Eric Stoltz and I was enthralled someone arranged for us to be introduced he knew I liked him we talked on the phone, hung out and then we went on a date, to see Janes Addiction I bought the tickets, he drove, it was the most important night in my teenage life, I thought it was a chance for us to become a couple, a real date, we went to the concert had a good time and the following day he told me he liked someone else, this rich preppy girl named Trisha I felt so used although never intimate I felt taken advantage by Scott, we remained friends only out of desperation on my part for him to see me as someone he could love, I was crushed, as I fed my snake little critters christened Trisha I waited for them to stop seeing each other, and they did, quickly. But he changed, he sold his volkswagon, and bought a pickup truck, he just became someone else. We still hung out here and there then one of my best friends and I went to a little gathering at Scotts house, she brought her other best friend who I didn't care for too much, the next day her friend and Scott were dating, again crushed, at that point I was done life moved on he graduated and we seldom talked anymore, I met the man who was to become my Xhusband when I was 17 and my life changed. The last thing I remember about Scott is that I stole a pot of mums from a garden center in the middle of the night when I was drunk and put them in the back of his pickup. Life moved on and now 20 years later he finds me on Facebook, tells me how he shold have never lost touch with me that he was a fool, how I was one of his favorite people, we message each other and his life has been hard, nothing I assumed his life would be, he was an artist, drove a volswagon bus he was spposed o create an amazing life filled with Art and a beautiful wife and beautiful children, but no he has had a sad life, and now as we relearn each other over the phone, (we are 3700 miles apart) he asks me why we never became a couple, I want to yell at him and sy BECAUSE OF YOU, BECAUSE I WAS FROM WHERE YOU WERE FROM AND YOU DIDN'T WANT ME I WASN'T RICH ENOUGH OR HOT ENOUGH, YOU USED ME AND DIDN'T EVEN KISS ME. But I reply "That is a question you need to ask yourself because I wanted more than anything back then for you to want me". We talk for hours now, he sends me messages telling me how he loves talking to me, how he is infatuated with me and how he can be honest with me and I understand him. I don't know where this is going, but I am excited to hear his voice, I want to heal his wounded soul, I just hope I am not too damaged.

For the longest time I have been alone, by choice now for over a year, when I wasn't alone I never got what I wanted, not in the bedroom, nor anywhere else. He drowns in his brandy now and staggers alone to bed begging me to come back promising to give me everything I want but I've fallen for that before and it never works. Today I am in love with living, and live to find the one who can give me what I need, the one who understands my darkside.

I'm excited about VR, I hope it proves to be a place where I can open up and find readers of my writing, meet people who share my thought, feelings and desires.

A scent I've never smelled before, a rich, sweet, warm, soft, dark, erotic fragrance I smelled one night 4 years ago at a gathering in the mountains, the smell I've never found again, in my mind that scent is attached to someone I am supposed to find, and that someone is going to love to put their teeth to work on the places that make my blood scream that one person I am to share the passion I dream of with. And you have come to my dreams, many years ago and again more recently . You leave me longing and I can only hope that you are near and my longing will end with the desire being fulfilled