The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Kaitlyn knew she had a problem. It was psychological, she was sure. That didn’t make it any easier. Ever since the . . . attack (she supposed that was what she should call it). Ever since the attack . . . she had changed. Everything was so . . . different. She was losing weight, she couldn’t eat normal food any more, and what she did eat, she couldn’t keep down. She was getting sickly, and she was always frightened. She could barely bring herself to leave the house, even when she knew it was safe. She couldn’t look her friends in the eye anymore. Her whole family was worried about her. They were even asking her to move back home. But she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t be around people like them anymore. She was tainted. She had to be after something like that.

Her mother had called again today. During her last visit home, she had spent the entire night deploring Kaitlyn’s low weight. She could still hear her voice.

“ Sweetie, what’s wrong with you? You haven’t been eating nearly enough! Look, I can count your ribs from here! And you’re so pale! When was the last time you went for a walk? You’re too young to be on your own, dear! You don’t know how to take care of yourself!” She knew her mother meant well but it only made her feel worse. Of course, her mom didn’t know what had happened to her. No one knew. How could she tell anyone about that? How could she bear to see the looks on their faces as she stuttered, trying to explain? What if they blamed her? She knew she shouldn’t have been out that night. The park could be dangerous when it got late. Now she knew from experience. No, she couldn’t talk about that. Not to her friends, not to her family, not even to a therapist (as though she could afford one). This was her problem and she was going to get over it on her own.

She got up that night around eight or nine o’clock and opened a window. Then she slid into to her computer chair and turned on the machine. It whined and beeped as it started up. She looked outside at the people walking by. All of them caught up in their own worries; not one of them knew what real trauma was. A few high school kids wandered past laughing and talking, on their way to a party or a date. They didn’t realize how happy they were. The computer beeped again, letting her know it was ready. The room was dark, the screen providing the only light. It cast a blue-green hue over everything. She logged onto her website and checked the stats. She was running low on anklets, and her butterfly rings were a hot topic this week. She would have to stock up and ship some out before the weekend.

She’d started her online store two years ago, and business was still booming. She made jewelry, handbags and other accessories at home and sold them over the Internet. She had the raw materials dropped off, and the merchandise picked up, right at her door. This had made her more than enough money to move out on her own. She was even looking into selling her products at stores right here in town. This store of hers was one of the best things ever to happen to her. Luckily, even with her new set of difficulties, none of this had to change. She could keep working right from home, hire some help and maybe even extend her repertoire. She was thinking of going into hair accessories. Not that it was going to do her any good if she didn’t get her act together.

She went cold. Her whole body felt numb. This wasn’t just some inconvenience. This wasn’t just about losing weight or missing her friends. This was her life. If she didn’t do something soon, everything she had ever done, everything she had worked for all her life would fall apart. She shot out of her chair and strode to her dresser, pulling things out and throwing them onto the bed before the chair even hit the floor. She was in and out of the shower in five minutes and was halfway dressed before she realized that she didn’t have any idea where she was going. She came to a standstill, a pair of socks dangling from her hand.

“Food.” She said out loud. “I have to eat something!” That thought in mind she hurried into the rest of her clothes, laced up her favourite pair of Doc Martens’, slid into a light jacket, and set out. Or, at least, she tried to. She unlocked the door, turned the doorknob, and froze. Voices. She could hear loud voices coming from the other side of the door. There were people out there. She had almost forgotten. She waited till they passed, then swiftly threw herself out the door and locked it before she could change her mind.

She marched down the hall to the elevator, looking neither left nor right. The doors opened immediately when she pressed the button, and she slid inside in relief. It was a good thing her apartment building was so well maintained. The elevator was clean, well lit, and unvandalized. She hit the L-button and leaned against the wall, letting the wonder of science, mechanics, and gravity carry her to the ground. This was her last bastion of solitude before she had to face the outside world. All those strangers, going around laughing, and joking, and stealing, and hating . . . She could hardly stand to even think about it. She let her head fall, rubbing her temples with her fingertips. Now that she was almost out, she had to formulate a plan. She couldn’t exactly just waltz up to the nearest restaurant and demand a steak or something. Her mind went blank.

“Damnit!” She whispered. There had to be some way of going about this! She couldn’t possibly be the only person around with a problem like this! Not in a city this big. Wasn’t there some sort of support group or something? There was a support group for everything from pregnant black single lesbian mothers to retired Spanish circus clowns with aging toothless monkeys. A faint smile crossed her lips (the first in weeks) as she imagined the two groups double booking a meeting room and having to share the space. Suddenly she was jolted out of her reverie as the doors opened and a tall man stepped in. She stared aghast first at him, then at the lighted buttons above the door. Third floor. It was only the third floor. She would have to ride with him all the way to the lobby. And what if the elevator got stuck? What if they were trapped? Alone. Together. No. No. The door started to close. Her hand shot out and hit the inside panel. As they slid open again she ran, the man’s voice echoing behind her. She didn’t listen. Her steps rang out as she reached the stairs and started going down two at a time.

She slowed down near the first floor. She was breathing heavily, not from exertion, but from fright. She stopped for a moment, gripping the railing. Was this how she was going to react every time she ran into someone? The world was full of people. She had to be able to face them. Still, when she reached the bottom of the stairs she slipped out by the back door instead of going through the lobby. As she stepped into the warm night air, the breeze seemed to caress her face. She loved the night, especially on a night like this. It was her domain. She wound her way through the small alley and onto the sidewalk. She looked up into the now visible sky, a few dozen stars spattered across the way and a huge crescent moon shining down. The light pollution was bad, but not enough to drown out everything, not enough to even dampen her spirits. It was beautiful. This was more than enough reason to get over her problem and rejoin the world. As she stared upwards she lost track of everything else and fell in behind the people in front of her. Meandering dreamily along, it was a while before the voices penetrated her thoughts. It wasn’t until she walked right into someone that she realized they were directed at her.

“ I said, who the hell are you?! Why are you following us?” It was a young man with light brown hair and green eyes. There were three girls and one other man with him, all about her age. They were standing outside of a restaurant, dressed in nice clothes, the women holding purses. They were all staring at her.

“Are you even listening? What do you want?” He looked angry. The girls looked a bit frightened, but one of them seemed sympathetic and stepped toward her, reaching out an arm cautiously. Kaitlyn took a step back. The man threw his arm out to block the girl.

“Don’t Sara! She might be on drugs. Don’t go any closer.”

“Please, I’m not! I don’t! It was . . . I just . . .” Kaitlyn stopped talking as her throat clogged up and she burst into tears.

“Danny!” Whispered Sara, taking his arm. “Don’t. She’s just confused, and you’re scaring her!” Kaitlyn just sobbed, her hands over her eyes. She heard them whispering together, but couldn’t make out the words. She heard them moving away from her, and the voice of a different girl calling them into the restaurant. Soon she was alone on the pavement. She didn’t know what had caused this emotional outburst but she couldn’t make it stop. Every time she seemed to get a hold of herself it would start all over again. It was like all the pain of all these weeks had been bottled up and was finally gushing out. There was a mixture of terrible sorrow, and a strange fierce joy pulsing throughout her body. She looked up through her tears at the glass door and front window of the restaurant in time to see a furious looking man come rushing out. He was wearing he must be the maitre de.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” He hissed at her. “This is a very upscale restaurant, and we do not appreciate drifters standing about outside our doors, and furthermore I- Good Lord what is that? What is all over your face?!” He stared in horror. She looked down at her hands and saw them covered in blood, pieces of flesh underneath her nails. She had been clawing at her face while she cried without even realizing it. It was all over her. All down her neck and wrists, spread by the bloody tears.

“Get out!” The little man practically screamed. “Get away from here you . . . you freak of nature!” She gave him a terrible smile and ran. She didn’t know where she was going or where she was, all she knew was that she had to get away. She had to have a moment alone to think! She ran and ran and ran.

When she stopped the moon was lower in the sky. And now she knew something else. She was hungry. She was starving. She had to eat. Now. She looked around. The area was completely unfamiliar. There were fewer streetlights; many of them burnt out. It was deserted. Or so she thought.

“Well, well, well, what’ve we got here? Poor little birdie’s fallen out of her nest.”

She turned around slowly to face the alley behind her. It was dark and cramped, twisting about, with a large dumpster taking up most of the space, before ending in a tall fence. At first she didn’t see anyone, then a thin girl stepped out. She was dark haired, heavily made up over sharp cheekbones, and sunken eyes. She wore high heels and a mini-skirt, with her legs bare. She had on a ratty little jacket, with her hair straggling down; a cigarette in one hand and a container of french fries in the other. She took one last puff of her smoke, then tossed it onto the alley floor and ground it out with her heel as she smirked.

“Pretty little thing ain’tcha? Bit far from home though, ain’t we, little birdie?” She popped a fry into her mouth triumphantly. She didn’t bother to swallow before continuing.

“Yer not gonna fly no more when I’m done with you.” She sniggered, a piece of food dislodging and falling from her mouth “Not gonna be so pretty neither. Not ’less you do exactly what I tells ya, anyway.” She swallowed, then put another one in her mouth. Kaitlyn watched as if in slow motion as she took it out of the container, lifted it toward her lips and slipped it in. The slow chewing entranced her, and the way the girl licked her lips afterward. Just like that. That’s all it takes. She could do this. As the girl’s lips began to curve up, Kaitlyn encountered a shiver of trepidation. What if-? No. It didn’t matter now. All that mattered was how terribly hungry she was. She looked up at the girl and smiled back. The same dreadful smile she had given the maitre de. The other girl’s face went white as she stood, rooted to the spot. The container of french fries slipped from her hand. Kaitlyn leapt.

She stood there near the back of the alley, savouring the warm taste as the blood flowed into her mouth. So delicious, so satisfying. Her stomach had no problems this time. She didn’t stop until she was full, the girl’s body nestled close into hers. Soon the girl was drained completely. Kaitlyn lifted her easily into the dumpster and closed the lid. So that was it. It was psychological after all. All this time she’d been thinking of herself as a victim. But she wasn’t. This was a gift. The woman who had turned Kaitlyn had done so against her will, but she had chosen to pass the gift along, not just feed upon her like a piece of meat. She had been walking in the park, savouring the night air when the attack had come. The woman had reached out of the trees and pulled her in. Kaitlyn never saw her face. Before she had known what was happening, the fangs were in her neck and she was being drained of life. She had thought she was going to die. But the woman had stepped back and smiled at her.

“I’ve been watching you.” She had whispered. “You love the night don’t you? How would you like to live in it forever?” She hadn’t waited for an answer. By that point, Kaitlyn couldn’t have answered if she tried. She was fading fast. Her vision had gone blurry. She was drowning in the soft scent of passionflowers, clinging to the shadowy figure that held her so tightly. Then she had felt something pressed against her lips. Something wet. It was the woman’s wrist. She had slashed it open to make it easier for Kaitlyn to drink. She had feasted desperately upon her lifeblood, like a newborn at its mother’s bosom. The woman rocked her gently as her mortal self slowly died, and was born anew. That was the first and last time she had been able to drink blood since her rebirth. It was still hard to think of her self as undead. And now she was alone of her kind. The woman had disappeared then, her parting words lingering in the night air:

“You are immortal now. You aren’t human any longer. You are one of Us. Act accordingly.” Kaitlyn had thought she was tainted. Inhuman, unnatural, unable to interact with good people like those she knew. She was right about one thing. She wasn’t like those normal people anymore. She was better. Faster, stronger, and she would live forever. She wasn’t a victim. She was a hunter, and these were her prey. She licked her lips, her tongue sliding against those tiny fangs, and she smiled. A real smile. Her life was just beginning.

My father took me to a hill one night, overlooking the town. He sat me down and pointed upwards.

“Look at the stars, my son,” He said to me. I looked.

“See how they twinkle? See how they shine so brightly? They are beautiful. And yet, one such as you may never reach them. Admire them, but do not seek them, for they can never be yours.” I felt something bright and beautiful inside of me rise up, then shatter into a thousand pieces. My father did not lie to me. It was the truth he told me, that the stars were beyond my reach. And yet when I took my own son up to that hill one night, many years later, I did not show him the stars. I pointed upward and said:

“Look how brightly the moon shines tonight. She is the queen of the heavens. Man has already reached her surface, and you my son could go even further.” He smiled at me then, for I too speak the truth.