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Getting out those old CDs was the wrong choice, I’m so nostalgic and am surrounded by such intense feelings. I really am reflecting on a time I miss so much, yet was so painful I can believe I do. I’m really lonely now too. I need to sing. I need to go to one of those psychics you see on the side of the road in LA and get a reading. I need something to indicate what I’m doing.



I’ve always felt special, I won’t lie. I suffer from that special snowflake shit, I think one day it’ll all work out and I’ve have a name for myself. And it’s made me horrible and lazy. I mean I actually think I love things more than others, that somehow something I related to has some special meaning to me no one else felt. It’s false. Everyone is like me, and I’m like everyone.

I think all I need to do now is live. Try to do the best to live my life, and I don’t know if I’m even ready to do that.

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Lordpeace
16:27 Nov 05 2012

none of us are the same we are all unique and we all have worth; never give up on yourself you are just starting out and the journey ahead will be fascinating

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It's the best time of the year, I just wished I could make some friends in this new place. I can barely understand everyone and I'm so worried that I can't live up to standards. I'm already planning my costume for next year (Madonna).



I've been falling deeper in my pattern of 'on top of the world/in the depths of despair'. I wonder if it's true that I could should symptoms of a mental illness, or if because I know my father had one that I am self diagnosing.

I am going to attempt a new meditation exercise to help ward off self pity and keep spirits higher.



I still have this unrealistic theory that someday everything will fall into place, not realizing how much time has passed. I expected so much more of myself when I was this age. A couple years ago, I told myself where I would be now and I have veered completely in a different direction. I'm scared my life will pass me by, but at the same time that it will be so long and miserable.



Listening to the Cocteau Twins and Slowdive as always to calm me. Sometimes its the only music I can stand.

COMMENTS

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Lordpeace
16:25 Nov 05 2012

dont worry we are more real here then you think and life will work its way stop in anytime

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