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I'm a sceptic, I'm rational...

...but I can't deny the things I've witnessed with my own eyes.



I've meditated since a young age, controlling heart rate and so on is perfectly scientific...



...but healing? I've done it, I don't know how it works, in the moment I know what to do, I do it and...



...it works?



Never any serious illnesses. Just headaches, fatigue, muscle pains...



...it doesn't seem like placebo (but I don't discount that possibility). Not all recipients were eager believers, to the contrary, so that makes me wonder.



I don't understand it. But I accept it, because I must. Anything else energy related, astral... I don't know, hard for me to believe it to be much more than imagination. But I have to keep an open mind because of what I've experienced. I wish I understood.

COMMENTS

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THExBLACKxDRAGON
16:06 Nov 24 2016

the simple explanation is :



you are what you are....just accept it

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POST COMMENT

***Who am I?***



I'm quiet, even meek in real life. I don't say much, I'm kind...

...but there's a darker side to me, something inside me you better not awaken.

I'm 5'5 and 90ish lbs. Quite small. But my size is not an indication of my strength.

My boyfriend, lover, companion for life, quite a bit taller than me, learned that the hard way one time.



Violent I'm not. Yet many kind of darkness lurk in my the shadowy corners of my mind. I keep them hidden, I exercise control over them, I keep them at bay. Yet some of them... Maybe they're not bad, in the right situation?

...maybe I don't dare let that thought guide me...



I'm quite private so you may not get as close to me as you'd like. Private but honest in the little I do share, I hope you can value that...



***What do I like?***



Cherries

Violins (I own and play one)

Music

All things sweet

Shadows

Nighttime

Starry nightskies

The Moon...

Cinnamon

Vanilla

Good coffee

Good tea

Good cocoa



***Why am I here?***



...I don't know.



I used to drink blood somewhat regularly when a bit younger, I used to hang out in circles where that somehow wasn't that strange. I haven't had blood in a long time, except twice from my boyfriend (he was willingly letting me have it), last time I wasn't sated, he hardly bled at all.

I remember I used to feel better back then, and I've come to think maybe it wasn't just some blood fetish I brushed it off as, maybe it's something else... I want to try to see how I feel the next time my bf lets me have some, hopefully more this time.

I've been eating more lately, a lot more. I've taken iron pills and b12, far above the maximum recommended intake... Yet nothing helps...



I came across this website:



http://vampirewebsite.net/



His HERV theory which I can't believe in after thinking about it rationally aside...

There's this "how do I know if I'm a real vampire" thing with 38 questions:



http://www.vampirewebsite.net/howknowifavampire.html



I got 36/38.



94.74% applied to me.



That... that can't be a coincidence, can it?



All my life I've searched for answers for why I'm different in the ways in which I'm different. I don't mean mentally, emotionally. Oh I've found answers to those questions, I'm quite happy with who and what I am in that regard. For the most part anyway, perhaps related to this there is a part I've kept mostly hidden...



But physically.



My reflexes are better than any human's I've ever met.

My relfexes are better than any CAT'S I've ever met.

Have you ever seen the look of surprise on the face of a cat when it tries to scratch you... Only to miss?

...It wasn't a single occasion either.



My vision is... a lot better than average. It used to be even better, when i was a child I could see detail in distances so great and on things so small it brings tears to my eyes to remember it now, I feel half blind in comparison. Yet almost anyone is half blind compared to me.



My night vision was also so much better that in "darkness" where other children were bumping into each other I could easily see their faces and tell them from one another. It's still good, but nowhere near that good.



I can hear things that are quite far away... Although my bf can hear sounds higher than me (but they're in the 20+ kHz range...) I can hear sounds much quieter than him (and easily listen to and understand a whisper from across the room even with music blasting from speakers) but I can't hear high sounds. Maybe I could at one point, maybe I ruined my hearing with something. Not sure.



My pain tolerance is quite good and I have little trouble handling things that my bf considers too hot to touch.



These are mostly the things that separate me from "normal people" and have me wondering.



I'm not trying to brag here (from what I've read these kind of qualities are quite common in "real vampires" so it shouldn't even be anything special), I'm open about the facts that baffle me in the hopes someone can explain them. I have no explanation, I don't think I'm this or that special. I don't want to be a vampire, I'd much prefer a "fuck off, you're just a human with slightly better reflexes". But that doesn't seem to fit either.



I've talked to some quite rational vampires, and so far it seems... I'll never have a definitive answer. That disappoints me quite a bit... I'd just like to know.

...but the rational side of me rather learns the truth than shys away from it.



So I'll consider all possibilities, even the ones that are questionably rational... As a rational person I also know there are many a thing unexplained by science, that science has its own bias and limitations impeding advancements in understanding, stigmas related to certain kinds of research and so on...



...We don't have all the answers. We haven't explained everything.



...So I still have no answers, but I'm looking...



****



Why a sanguinarian?



Well, it's the only kind of vampire that seems to make sense to me, personally, the only kind i know about, and it fits my bloodlust or cravings for blood.



I was asked about my awakening, I've never awakened to my knowledge, I was BORN the way I am. Here's my reply as I sent it as an answer to a question someone asked me in a private message:





Well, my honest answer to that is I don't know. I don't know if I believe in Awakening as such. I was born the way I am. With my nightvision to the point of having a hard time finding a real world equivalent to the theoretical comcept of "darkness", my faster reflexes etc. Of course my chldhood hobbies (gymnastics etc) only helped. Maybe I was drawn to them because of my already better reflexes and disproportionate strength etc? (I've always been quite small, though I eventually grew in height but not so much otherwise, currently 5'5 and 90ish lbs)



Our family ate blood based foods on a somewhat regular basis so I can't say how much effect that had. When I was 12-13 I started getting into drinking blood and being among a lot of emos/goths etc it wasn't a problem to find willing donors. Often willing to the point of indifference, "oh you want to lick me clean after I cut myself, lol go ahead"



After that I lived in a culture where foods with raw cow blood were commonplace, so I ate those sometimes. Then I went vegan and besides my bf offering his blood a few times I haven't had anything blood related in 2-3 years. I feel weaker now buit I don't know if it's the lack of blood or what causing it.





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I've been getting my iron and recently I tried taking 170mg of iron in one day in the form of ferrous fumarate and seeing how it affected me and how I felt.



Next I intend to get ~half a pint of blood from my bf (with his permission ofc), drinking it and comparing to ingesting that amount of iron (that amount of human blood has 3 times less iron than the above amount of iron.)



I'll update you after the test about how I felt. I think it will tell me if I really need blood to feel fine, help me a step forward on my quest for answers.