Brandy00:30 Feb 09 2023
Times Read: 204
She pulled the string, pulling the worn broken plastic laundry basket filled with dirty clothes up to the closed closet door. She turned on the small flashlight to find the headset. She covered her ears as she turned on the small tv. She brought the cable in from the living room TV thru a hole in the bottom of the shared wall. The cable came from a ‘friend’ of her mother who worked as a cable repairman. He stopped coming about but the cable still worked.
She turned off the flashlight after putting a towel to cover the gap at the bottom of the door so no light would show. She still could hear her mother drunken laugh as the party started up in the living room. Drugs, sex and alcohol. She settled in on the sleeping bag, and watched TV show The Equalizer. She loved cop shows, seeing the good win out. The clean homes, nice cars, families, the clothing. When the good wins.
She came into the apartment, finding her drunk mother on the lap of a man she had seen a few times. “Ahhh…. There she is.” She got off the man’s lap, he zips his pants as her mother came toward her, pulling her bra in place. She stood as her mother touched her long black hair, turning to stand beside her. “Jimmy wanted to see you. He thinks you are so pretty.” She didn’t like the man, the way he looked at her. She pulled the strap of the back pack up on her shoulder, “I need to go do my homework.”
“That can wait. Why don’t you come over here and sit beside me.” She looked at her mom, pleading with her eyes. A woman she called mother, but one who never treated her as a child. She moved back, turning to go into her room, but the man said “Hey- I can help you with your homework. In fact, I can pay you to let me help.” He pulled out his wallet, piled off 20’s to make a hundred dollars. “We will just go into your room… sit on your bed.” He stood, his belt still undone.
She wasn’t stupid. He would force her to have sex. She was 12 years old, but she knew what he wanted. She turned to her mother as her hand drop down to her wrist. She pulled, trying to get away. “Look he will just touch you some. You might even like it. Hell… I was younger…” she yanked hard, ran to her room, slam the door shut and shoved the chest to block it.
Yelling, screaming, pounding on her door, but after a few minutes it quiet down. “She can’t please you. Hell, she wouldn’t even know what to do. Here…let me.. you like that?” She stepped back from the door. “On your knees bitch.” Sound of a slap. She heard her mother moaning, the sound of sex from just outside the doorway.
The next morning, she went out the living room on the way to school. Her mother laid on the couch but woke up. She told her to sit down. She stood. She lite a joint and pulled her long black hair out of her face, the bruise on her jaw clear. “I’m going to tell you something. If you are going to stay here- you need to bring in some money. If you don’t want to do tricks- then find something. Steal, be a dealer.” She picked up a small bag of white powder. “But you can’t stay here if you don’t bring something to the table.”
She left the apartment, went down the dirty stair way, roaches moving out of her way. Babies crying, food odor, pee, body odor. She went outside and took a deep breath of the fresh air. She wiped the tears away that came to her eyes on the stairway. Her mother. What a joke. She had no clue who her father was. She had asked once, her mother so high she thought she might tell the truth. “Who the fuck knows?” was her answer.
She heard a police siren in the distance. She turned to walk toward school. She was too late for the breakfast, so she pulled out the apple she got yesterday at lunch. She was hungry but she could wait till lunch. She needed to think, to make a plan.
She wanted out of this life. She wanted nice things, a home. Nice clothes. That takes money. She needed a job. She wasn’t smart. Not doctor smart, or lawyer smart. So that left what? She stops to wait for the light to change before crossing a street and saw a cop car. She could be a cop. She didn’t have a police record. Hell- her mother didn’t even have one.
She started making her long term plan- would need to know what was needed to get into collage for law enforcement. Hell, maybe she could be like the Equalizer. A Man Called Hawk. Be like the woman in Sopranos.
She got to school, went to her locker to put her backpack in, and turned, right in front of another girl. They both ended up on the floor, books on the floor. “Oh geez… sorry about that.” She looked over at the girl, loving how she spoke. She started to pick up her books, looked up as the girl jumped up, full of energy. The girl smiled down at her as she squatted down to pick up her own books. She saw the sandwich in a zip bag. “Hey- you want this sandwich? I am trying to watch my weight- thinking cheerleader tryouts. It’s eggs, bacon on toast.”
She stood, tucked her books in her arm. “Sure- if you don’t plan to eat it.” “Nah. Here.” She took it and started to open the bag. “Thanks.” She turned to walk toward her class and another girl was there. “What is that smell?” This girl was not as full of energy, but she was full of judgement. “Oh that is the garlic mayo Mom puts on everything. I mean everything. She puts it in tuna salad, potato salad, devil eg..” “Well that stuff stinks.”
She looked down at the bacon, the cheese melted, and took a bite. “Mmm… pretty good.” The three went down the hallway, introducing each other, as she ate the sandwich, thinking that a mother took time to make this for her daughter. They split up when the bell run but agree to meet up at lunch. “As long as it’s not garlic mayo.”
The cop closed the door, and she sat in the back seat, her wrist handcuffed. The police man talked to the store owner, shook his hands, and got into the car. She was afraid. She shivered, not due to the cold but of fear. The man looked back to her using the rear view mirror. “You hungry?” She looked up at the cop. “What?” “I said are you hungry?” He pulled into a burger king. She didn’t understand, but he got out, open her door. “Come on out.” She did. He turned her around, un cuffed her.
“Come on- let’s get some food.” He shut the door, locked the car. She rubs her wrist as she followed him in. People called out to him, talked to him, came over and spoke to him. He told her to order what she wanted, he was buying. They sat at a table. He started to eat so she did as well. “I got the shop owner to drop the charges.” She sat back on the bench, giving a deep sigh. He pointed a fry at her “But you still in the hook with me.”
She sat up, drop her own fry. “Hey calm down.” The look of fear in her eyes. “I’m not going to hurt you. I just meant you and me need to have a talk. You need to tell me why you were stealing, then we need to come up with a solution.” So she did. “I though you looked like her. I know your mother.” He smiled at her look. “Not in that way. Happily married, got grandkids. I just know of her.” He ate some burger, speaking with his mouth full. “Your hair gives you away.” She touched it, the same as her mother’s.
He took a drink of his soda. “I have to tell you- I think I can get you away from your mother. Call in child services.” She nodded her head no. “And get put in a foster home? I am safe where I am.” He nodded his head, wiped his mouth. She ate, and he sat, thinking. “Ok. Then this is the deal. I can get you a job. After school. A few hours a day. More on the weekend. It’s at a gym, cleaning the floors, washing towels, cleaning toilets, shower rooms. I know the owner. It’s a safe place for you.” He smiled, and she learned later the owner was the preacher of a church the police officer went to. “But for this- I will stop by and check in on you.”
He watched her eyes go wide. “Not at home- but at work. And I want to see your report cards. You have to do good in school or this isn’t going to work. You want to end up like your mother?” “No.” “Then you put in the work. No more stealing.” “Understood.” He threw his trash on the tray, pushing it to her to add her own. He picked it up and stood. “Then let’s go meet the man. His name is Rodger.”
Rodger was an older man, preacher of the church that owned, ran the gym that was set up as an outreach for the troubled kids. She worked after school, half a day on Saturday. Rodger helped her with school work and he would let her stay even after hours if she wished, to watch TV. Cop shows was her favorites. A woman who helped around the gym would bring her magazines. She would look at the beautiful women in nice clothing, the homes.
And she worked to have the life she wanted. She got A’a in school. She talked to her school counsel about going to college and what it would take. She studied, strengthen her mind. And she used the gym to work on the body. Her mother grew old right before her eyes. It ended up she had to support her, paying what bills she could. Cable, electrical being an item that came and went. Internet never a given. As she left for collage her mother had cancer. As she walked out of the apartment, her mother laying on the couch with her latest man who was there to ‘take care of her’, her mother yelled for her not to come back. She then shoved the man off the couch as he comments on her ‘young tight ass” could come see him anytime.” “Get out! I will be better off without you here.” She knew what she meant- the men she was able to get to visit her, to stay and help on bills, was getting older too. She was a young model of her mother.
Her friendship with the two other girls/ woman they grew up to, also saved her. The families of the girls knew she had a hard family life. They knew she was grateful for the dinner invites. The sleep overs. They never said a word to her when she showed up out of the blue, asking if she could sleep over. They knew- and the other girls did too as they grew older. But no one ever asked, she never introduced her mother, invited them to her home. They did gather at the gym sometimes.
The police officer did check on her, watched as she grew up, and became a young woman. He came to her high school graduation. He came to the gym as they held a small party for her. On her last workday at the gym he came to see her, talked to her about collage. “You keep your nose to the books. No drugs. Don’t drink.” She smiled at him as she swept the floor. “I know. Work for what I want in life.” His words stop her in her tracks. “You have done a great job. I am proud of you, you know that, right?” She felt a tear, wiped it away. This man was more a father to her then anyone. “Thank you.” He step up, pulled out a envelope from the inside of his police jacket. “I got to get back to work. You riding up with the gals?” He knew who she was friends with.
“Yes. We are leaving in two days.” “Take this. Hide it from your mother.” She took it, and he hug her. “I expect phone calls. At least once a week or I will come up there. Understood?” “Yes” she hugged the man who saved her life. “Ok.. then… And I want to see your report cards.” She smiled, knowing that wasn’t the name but let it go. “I will email you them.” He patted her shoulders, step back, and they both wiped their eyes. “Ok. Later then.” She watched him walk away. He had given her a thousand dollars to start her collage life.
He had come up twice a year, came to see her when she came home with her friends for holidays. Her mother was dead, so they always made her welcome in their homes. She wasn’t told till after her mother was buried in a plot in a graveyard, for unclaimed bodies, as she never gave her daughter as a family member to the hospital. The police officer informed her. She never went to her grave.
In her fourth year at collage- the police office was killed in a traffic stop. The drug dealer came out shooting. She went to his funeral, meet his wife, kids, grandchildren. The man had been arrested within hours. The neighborhood mourned him. A good cop. A clean cop. One that helped. His wife introduced her to the family, and they knew her. They would say “OH- you are the girl he talked about.” “He told us about you. He was so proud.” She found in his home a photo of them standing in front of her collage, a photo of them at her high school graduation, next to his family photos. “He was so proud of you. That you worked for what you wanted in life. And that you are going to become a policeman. He knew you would make a great one.” His wife told her.
She cried all the way on the drive back to collage. She would honor him by being as good of a police officer as he was.
To be continued with her embrace…
COMMENTS
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Nekirena
05:05 Feb 13 2023
I have missed your journals!