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I was flipping thru the TV a few weeks ago and stop on one of those hospital shows. Nip and Tuck is as graphic as I watch, and close my eyes during that part. *smiles* But this had a lady, and she was asking the group of staff some questions that has stayed in my mind. It went something like this:
In your life this year, I want you recall one person that effected you. This person gave you hope, a spark of life shown to you when you was in need. A kindness in a way- big or small.
A person who showed you life is wonderful, the struggle worth it in the end. A gentle touch during a hardship. A random smile on a day when you did not feel like smiling.
A person who taught you what being alive meant, or should mean to you. Love, hope…a greater good. The person who made you feel compassion. The one who brought the goodness from your heart.
Remember that person- see him or her in your mind…and ask yourself what you are doing to honor them? How are you bringing those characters into your life for a changed?
I have made many friends on VR, and if I talk to you even just a few times a month, then I see you as a friend. I am not a social person, or a easy person to know. But you know who you are, and each and every one of you have changed me. From the strength you shown me, to the joking/caring and loving comments that you leave me when I am down. You put up with my silliness and don’t make fun of it, or me. And I thank you for all that you give me. Friends like you are a treasure you hold tight to, and not brag you have for fear you will lose them. But as I think of all my friends here I have to pick two out of them. Well…one, then Cancer. Who I would not dare to say is a friend as that would be overstepping. ;)
Cancer brought us VampireRave. Twenty months of exploring my darker side, of learning others have my feelings. While some I worry about or just laugh at (Whelps, depressed want to be goth) I also see that intellectual normal people have them as well. Well rounded, mother and fathers, business people who deal with that part of themselves everyday just as I do. Shows me that I am not that strange after all. (stop laughing…damn it)
He also given me a safe area to be “me”. Other then one person, I have never been seriously attacked for anything I have said or written on the this site. VampireRave to me is a safe haven, and for that reason I would thank him and the wonderful staff he has on hand. A great mix of personalities and life experiences he has going, and they only add to my joy of the site. (But for Stabb. I know if he is reading this he is seeing all my spelling errors and mistakes. LOL)
For helping me see myself when I had been buried for all these years I wanted to thank Cancer. *hugs*
As far as the one friend I must thank it is sahahria, my doe. This lady has offered me friendship, a gentle smile and a good boot to the butt when I needed it. She also nudged me into growing as a person. I see a woman I want to be like, see her good and bad days. The ways she handles her life makes me want to be more like her. She has taken a leap into the unknown and is enjoying the fall back onto her feet. This woman would land on her ass then be on her feet within hours as she could not be down for long, its not in her nature.
She has gifted me with the knowledge that I have something to offer people. While my silly ways has always been marked upon as "inappropriate", she had helped me see it as a creative and playful side that I should never be ashamed of having. What some see as inappropriate, she sees as special. She shows me you should never be ashamed of what you feel, or how you express it as long as no one is hurt.
For the smiles and laughter, the small pats on the back, and the all out shoves into the unknown I thank her. While Cancer may of given me “myself”, it was this woman who showed me I was to be cherished. As we all should be.
To all my other friends I thank you for the hope, the joy, the belief that life is worth living as each and everyone of you have given that to me at sometime this year. You have shown me compassion, and goodness from your hearts. As we step into 2008, I expect you all to be a comfort to me in this year as well. And hopefully I will help you some.
You little son of a bitch. I wish you would read my journal- just so you can see what I think of you.
You little mother fucker who treats people like shit. Nothing but kindness has been given to you and you spat in her face. Ohhhh... you had better strighten that shit up or by god you will hear from me.
You are being a baby ass whinney chicken shit of a boy. Male? Please... you would not know what a male is. More of a dog shit pile I think.
You so afraid to say something, to express what you think? GROW A SET AND FUCKING USE THEM!
Last change little mole on a donkey's ass. I can only bite my tongue so much... I am only WILLING to bite it so much... then your ass is going to get told what I think of it. And you will not like it, trust me on that.
Fucking asshole. And if you are reading this on your computer in TN. - yes.. I am talking about you. Got a problem with it- you know how to use a fucking phone. Lord knows you just called her AT THE TIME YOU WAS TO BE THERE and told her you was sick..unable (bullshit) to make the 4 hour trip. More like unwilling. And why did you not call her four hours ago????? Because you just don't care for her feelings. You think she will put up with it. That is up to her, but you know what I think of you and how you are threating her.
Dumb fucker....I dare you to call me. Let's meet.. have a little chat.
Its simple- Shit or get off the pot. Either way I would love to sling it into the side of your head for hurting her.
Every dog....just remember that....every dog has its day. Yours is coming.
Holy crap......sorry, I knew I put you on my favs for a reason. but dammit, this is some wild shit! I pale in comparison to you! I am not out to impress anyone, but this is really graphic! You put my feelings on paper! I thought I could express myself, but shit! This is outa the ballpark! I am in no way here to degrade or make fun of you, I am in awe at your writhing finese! Please email mail me at your leisure!
PRIVATE ENTRY
16:51 Dec 30 2007 Times Read: 1,522
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
23:27 Dec 29 2007 Times Read: 1,541
Want to know a sign of old age? Years listed on the internet. When you are asked your age and you click on the month and pick yours, date of the month, and the year. Years are listed .... and you have to scroll back on the years till you reach 1966.
I remember when my year use to be on the ones showing on the list that pops up.
Reading sahahria journal I had to take a few and just write a little of my feelings. The year is almost up and its been a hard year for me. Death has visit several times this year, family, friends, and a very loved doggy was lost.
Been in fights with my family, said a few things I should not have said and did a few things I wish I could take back. But this makes me see something…
I feel like a fish out of water. On the bank, flipping and flopping around, knowing what I need to be back in the stream of my life, to get in my groove so to say. Why can’t I?
Lost. Those four letters seem to sum up my last 6 months. Is it the death? Facing I am 41 year old? Facing how life changes with no warning? Could it be because I have gained the weight back that I lost? Putting stress on the body, back and knees that make me hurt? Much less the whole emotional failure of it. I have fought my weight all my life. But when do I say “Stop!”
When can I just be me? If I was to make a list of what it would take to make me happy it would be short really.
Job? I like my job. Yes I bitch and whine about it, but I would do that with any job. I will have stress at any job because I make it that way. It has taken me many months to see that. I alone make it. I have to stand back, take a few deep breaths and ask myself…in a day’s time- will this mean anything to me? In a week? A month? So I am not perfect. So I let some people down. So I let myself down. But I did my best. And most of what stress me is shit I don’t have any control over anyway. So that handles stress.
Love? I don’t want love as far as relationship in my life. Don’t pity me, or ask me why… I just don’t want it, don’t need it. Besides- I need to work on loving myself first.
Friends? I have not been a good friend to them. They have pissed me off of late. Why? It seems to be all about them, comments made that are rude about me. Asking so much of me when I do not have it to give. We know I am hard to be friends with, we know I am a cold fish. But the way they treat me hurts sometimes. Oh I know they do not understand they did anything to hurt me, and I would say its me just being too touchy.
I want to help them in their life’s, in the time they see as needing help from me. But... of late I don’t have the energy to be the one you fall back on. I have told you my thoughts, we do not agree on it, so I am trying to keep my mouth shut. But I am not the fill in person when you have a few hours free. Effort has to be made by you to keep a friendship. But I see that I need to be the one doing it. Thing is…. I am too tired to do it of late. And that leads me to my last one…
Health. As I said I have gained my weight back. Unless you have been in my too tight jeans, laying on the bed to zip, then roll of gut over the waist band shoes, you will never understand this part. I think the worst thing I do is remember my past weight lost. At 19 I was a size 5. Hell- a year ago I was a size 24. Now… bigger then ever. See- even just writing that proves how I see myself as a failure. I have to learn several things…not just learn them but LIVE them. I will eat. I can not starve myself as that just leads me back to eating more and more. I can eat the right food, and eat what I want. No food is off limits, just limited. Tell myself I can’t eat this…just makes me want to eat all I can eat of it. That has to stop.
Working out…. Gods, I use to work out every morning for an hour before work. 4 mile walk, run. Then step work out for an hour after work, free weight. See- me sitting myself up as a failure. I have faced it- I will not give that much time or effort to it again. Sure- when I was 18 working out 14 to 16 hours a week was fine. But at 41 I need to adjust my ideal of a workout. Walking and Step work out for a half hour, not an hour.
Weights- I always loved lifting. Strength is the goal now, working the heart the right way for a woman in my shape and age. Goal of getting in shape is not to abuse my body so badly I will give up. And no more runts. No same old same old workout. Fresh, new and different is the key word here. I need to remember how I hated doing the workout last time as it was the same one 6 hours a week.
Have fun or I will not do it.
And when I work 10 plus hours a day- I don’t have to do it. I need to understand it’s not a race. I have the rest of my life to get this weight off, to just strengthen my body and heart. No one to impress but myself, and if I give it a little more each time, I will reach my goal.
So that is job, family, friends, health, happiness… Happiness. Happiness to me is attitude. And I am a person who attitude is effected by my health. By my self image. By the way I am treated, and the way I treat others. By a good night sleep, by a smile I give, by a glance. Self center but it has to do with feeling good. Give me my health and you give me an attitude that I can do anything, be anybody to anyone. Funny but I think my health is what is holding me back from my own happiness.
I also need to see that my attitute might lead me to see other things, and people in my life need to be changed. I need to do what makes me happy. I need to be around people who make me happy, not question my worth. Not make me feel like dirt. Those days need to be in my past.
I know what I need to do to be back in my groove, and to swim strong and true. And I know I will not be happy staying the way I am. Time to get unlost, and flop back into that stream of life.
Stateboards. I use to ride one when I was young. First one was a hard plastic, then a wooden one. Fiberglass was the last one. I use to sweep the warehouse out, to remove the gravel the forklift would bring in, just so I would have that long 100 foot isle to ride in. Yes- not like the new wheels of today- back then hitting a gravel meant you ended up kissing the hard blacktop or concrete.
And ramps? Please... I had it all. LOVED the thrill and the way it felt to ride that little piece of.... plastic, wood, fiberglass board. Using you body weight to turn it the way you wanted to go. Dance on four wheels.
But today... this very morning I learned how much I HATED the damn things. Three kids must of gotten some for Christmas as I have been hearing them of late. So at 7:48AM...yes AM I woke to the sound of them yelling, screaming, and the sounds of those wheels playing on the street above me. A guardrail is above me, and just guess what they are using it for? Jumps.
Do you know how freaking loud that is at 7:48 AM in the morning?????? And they been playing at it ALL freaking day.
*Grrrrr and mubbles.....break a leg or something damn it...cuss words.*
Ok- I was rating, clearing my mind so I can think on work estimate when I find a lost friend from the UK. She tells you her profile (lifetime) was deleted. This is the second time it happen. I mean… I am sorry but how does that work?
Do you piss off someone who is so skilled at the computer stuff that they hack into your account and delete it, just for meanness? I just find it hard to believe that this site security is not better then that. Granted I don’t know anything about computer programming, but I would bet my last piece of chocolate that Cancer is better at it then most. Am I wrong?
That leave me to think you let them have your password. Now…how freaking stupid is that? I mean…if you let someone on your account to work on your profile- then CHANGE the password afterwards. Or ask them to TEACH you how to do it. Hell- you need to stop depending on others anyway. And then we have the threats. Stop being dumb people- it’s the internet. What will you do? Spread nasty rumors about them? That is all you can do, and really- who cares what you say? Computer screen will lay still and let you type anything, then it’s a fight to see who can be a bigger ass, sling more shit.
Simple: Do not give your password out, or if you do, change it!
And another thing…what is it with people who put on the profile: “Under construction, please do not rate.” “Come back later.” You know what… Screw that. I rate when I rate. You get a one, and my little stamp tells YOU to ask me to come back. Why the hell should I go out of my way to hunt your ass back up just to see what you did? Really. People in hell want ice water, doesn’t mean they are going to get it.
Your speed was 32 WPM with 3 mistakes (adjusted speed 29 WPM)
Jove laughted at their croaking, and threw down into the swamp a huge Log, which came down splash to the swamp. The Frogs were frightened our of their lives by the commotion made in their midst, and all rushed to the bank to look at the horrible monster: but after a time, seeing that it did not move, one or two of the boldest of them ventured out towards the Log, and even dared to touch it; still it did not move.
Ok- I suck at this. But come on.... think about it- only 3 mistakes.
After a sucky day of catching up, a job that we needed to do a great job on (boys damaged a trim piece on the hardwood floor- busted it) and fights with my sister, and father (hate working with family some days) on the jobs coming up and the holidays putting us in a bind.... around 4:30 the woman who we have rented a house to for 20 years (Her and her mom) came in to tell us her mother past away about two hours ago.
*sigh* She was younger by a few years then my mom. She loved feeding the birds, and we would talk about them all the time. Nice older lady who burned the kitchen cabinets, damamged the stove about a year ago. While I never been able to get along with the daughter- the mother I loved. She had the most lovely smile. She was such a little lady, around 4'8'. 100 lbs. We would joke a good wind would blow her away, so she better let her daughter fill the birdfeeders.
She was to upset to talk about it, but she just wanted us to know. The house is less then 1/2 mile from us.
Yeap- life sucks some days. I am going to bed, have a good cry, and try to get some sleep. After I light a candle for her.
"Well I am home from Mom and Dad's. One sister who has been with mom all week as she was sick has went home to rest, do housework. The other who came from out of town is watching mom now. Mom is sleeping, and resting well.
*sigh* I took the secret santa gifts down and Dad, brother, sisters and I open then as Mom was asleep and we had to be quiet.
No dinner, or movies as normal for the family. Mom needs to rest. So I am home. Guess I will cook my own dinner, and watch my own movie.
Unable to sleep- so rating and found these profiles.
12:07 Dec 25 2007 Times Read: 1,671
"when i was about 4 i bit a daycare lady and i broke her skin. she didnt realy know what 2 do except scream till some one came. well meantime i was sucking the blood out of her body. once someone came and smacked me in da head till i let go she took like a weeks leve after that cuz she said she felt sick and lightheaded."
Smacked me in da head. Sort of like dropping a kid on its head, don't think?
LOL
" I AM A GOTH AND I LOVE THESE NUMBER 666-13-25 AND I AM 19 YEARS OLD"
WTF? I see new lottery numbers here. Can I write back- "OH MY GOTHIC GODS!!! THOSE ARE THE NUMBERS I LOVE TOO!"
" am a nice and good blood provider for a rich vampire also i am a pretty vampire....you can meet on my yahoo mail....XXXXX_100@yahoo.co.uk"
O.o So I wonder how much a pint of blood goes for in the UK?
"i'M A SPiCY VAMPiRE SLUT!"
Oh oh- better watch blood slut, spicy vampire slut is here! Why does garlic powder keep coming up? Could you not see it.... meeting this teen, and throwing garlic powder on her to see if she screams? O.O
OOOOkkkkk then. Time for me to close the laptop and try to go back to sleep.
If I am going to stay on this site- I needed to do a few things. Tonight I did.
1. Removed people from my friends list that I have not talked to in months, if not all year.
2. Remove people from my friends list that I don't even know.
I know its my fault, as I stay in lurking so much. This is nothing against those people, its just .... I am tired of seeing people in the screen as friends that I don't even know.
I removed at least 100 people off my list, leaving the ones that I talk to often.
And I needed to drop some journals on my favorites that people just don't write in anymore. Not ever one uses the journal as a emotional outlet that I do.
I know they will remove me from their favorite list and I am cool with that. Only five or six people read my journal, so why have it listed if you never go read it? Well... that is my thinking on it, so I cleared off the ones I never read.
A year ago today I became a Sire on this site. Lost if for a few weeks a few days later, but this is the day I hit Sirehood. And I still love the site as much as I did in April 2006 when I found it.
"Fucker. I wrote how much of a shit you are only last month, but now you LOVE me, just as I want you to. I still hate you... but you will come in handy on my mission."
Even if they gave me a bag of coal for Yule. And it was in a bag that said "You've been naughty" Huh. I have been a angel this year, damn it.
Then a sign to hang on my wall/ decoration- guess what it said?
"Be Naughty Save Santa a trip"
And that is from the Cat who wrap one of my gifts in some kind of freaky wrapping paper you could not tear open. I end up using my teeth.... just like a rat to get the damn thing open. O.o
I am starting to think Connie and Nita is trying to tell me something. LOL
I think the gods I have you two in my life. Lord knows I would go crazy without you both.
Birdy PM me this morning on VR, as normal to see what I was doing, and check on my mother who has been ill for the last four days. She is better if you was to ask. She tells me she was coming over later in the day. I said sure- but bring me lunch as I have been eating soup and tv dinners all week. (all that is in the office)
Lets just say this- we ate together, I ran off to unload a truck that came in, and come back to her invasion. I am sitting in the chair in front of my desk as my SISTER has taken over my desk. LOL She is sitting in my nice comfy chair, using my desk top to pay her bills and make phone calls.
Damn- is that what I look like? Hummm. Anyway... I have gotten her tape and wrap gifts for her. I have turned the freaking heat up, and I am sure she will have other things for me to do. :) See- and you think she is sweet. HUH! But I best keep my mouth shut because she has my Yule gift still. ;) And now her MOM is coming over. Damn- I have been invaded. LOL
But by ones I love.
P.S. Remind me to buy some new chairs as my ass is uncomftable in this one. *looks at my nice padded office chair and smile at Nita....who ask me what I am doing* What????? LOL
Cancer had this posting in his journal a few months ago and I have been studing it since.
And here is what I see...
I notice the pile of bodies in the background. Like this.....feeding? evil act? has been going on for years.
And the two men, as I see them are not helping. Its like they are watching, learning the ways. I also notice they watch, bodies held still, but the eyes so focus on the act. One covers his mouth like he is ill, but still he does not turn away. I see the hand of the... priest? ...the man in the red robe, and see that he is leading the other to watch. Roman? To think of the time frame this leads you to, and what it implies.
Also notice the only red is the priest robe...the only color of blood in the painting.
And the victim? Who is the victim? The man being feed from? How did he get there? Did the two saints bring him- to feed the evil?
The man feeding. Look at his eyes. There I see something to fear. But why? He is doing as nature intended. Who is to say he is evil?
Who is in charge of this? The one feeding. the one being feed from, or maybe the men in robes? Maybe the one being feed from, and the men in the robes came with him, to see he was not killed. So ... would that mean the one feeding is in control? Or maybe it is a offering from the Priest, feeding the evil as the other bodies show. Are they trying to keep the vampire hidden? Hmmm
This painting is wonderful as it makes me question the meaning behind it, why it is.
I love art for that very reason.
But maybe I should of made it a Christmas picture. LOL Oh well....
If you want to know what Connie (Nightgame) and Nita (Elemental) and I are alike together- then watch this. I will give you this- Connie is the one in the middle.
Wanted to share a little day of my past with KCRC. Well…more with his daughter I guess then him. It will show you how we all make mistakes in life. This is going to be a long one…so get comfy if you plan to read all of it.
Years ago my mother was going to a town over 100 miles away for treatment for her breast cancer. My sister and her was in my mothers Ford car that developed a problem with the fuel line on the way home. It would seal/vacuum close and the car would shut off.
Now make it a day with over 100 degree heat index, and you can see why this is a problem. This was before the cell phones was common things, and they was sitting on side of the interstate, in the heat. As luck would have it, one of our trucks spotted them as they where going on a delivery and stopped. My mother could not climb into the truck, and they could not get the car to run. So they drove to the next exit and called the office for us to send a car.
My oldest sister came out to the warehouse and told me the news, told me to take her jeep to go get them ASAP. I jumped into her four door jeep and went to find them. I speed right along, watching the temp gauge as I feared the jeep would overheat, passing car after car on side of the road. Thanking god my sister had just brought this jeep, I was about half way to them is when the trouble started. It made a clinking noise, then a loud clunk. The engine started to steam and I finally got it over to the side of the road. The engine died and I turned off the key. Safe to say that is when the cussing started.
I got out, saying the GD and MF, and all kinds of non Sunday school words. I pop the hood and I smelled oil. Burnt oil. To this day I swear to you the tempt never got hot. But I stood there hearing the engine hissing and popping. More cussing was done about this time. lol
I knew I could not check the water…so I reached for the oil stick. Don’t ask me why…its like a man looking at the washer machine the first time, he just has to play with the buttons. I pulled out the stick and what was on it? Burnt oil. More cussing as I understood what happen. Motor ran out of oil. I tried to put the stick back in but it would not go. That is when I knew I was screwed.
A few minutes later a tow truck pulled up, they was cruising the interstate making $$ left and right on all the breakdowns, and he gets out and ask if I need help. That is when my mother’s car pulled in behind me. They had seen the Jeep, and turned around to get me. LOL They was saving me, the one who came to save them. I locked the jeep up, telling the guy no thanks and left the jeep. Mom’s car would work, but only if you keep it moving. When you stop, let up on the gas, the line would seal back up.
Safe to say it was a fast trip home….but it was not over yet. Oh no… you have to hear about the gazebo that was being moved on a small trailer that blocked the road. Cop was behind it, lights flashing, and going freaky ass slow. So what did that do? Car started to act up. We was within a mile of home. My sister past the cop and trailer and that is when the little fucker pulled us over.
I kid you not- he was going to give us a ticket. Safe to say my sister gave him a ear full, telling him the damn city cops should have something better to do. She told him he must be the lowest rung on the ladder if he was on “gazebo patrol.” LOL Then she informed him he was going to take my mother home, out of this heat as he was the one who stop us. I got to ride in the back of the cop car, windows will not come down, while my mom was in the front with the AC. And yes- that was the first and only time I will be in a cop’s car.
Once back to the warehouse I help mom into the office and went to get my pickup, going after my sister. My father was home by then and came to the office. I told him of the jeep actions and he asked me if I checked the oil. NOW- this is the same jeep my sister drove to work THAT morning. I never thought to check the oil on this ten month old Jeep. He asked my oldest sister when was the last time she checked the oil. She told him a few months ago. *cough cough lie cough* She never checks her oil.
Then she had the guts to tell me I should of done it. Sorry - but if she had told me to, I would of. She handed me the keys to her Jeep and said to go get mom and sis. And if the oil was low enough to ruin a engine, then she had not checked it in months, if ever. It’s not like it was a quart low or something. That is when dad asked when she had her oil changed. She kept her mouth shut on that one. Huh!
Ending of this tale was a new motor for her jeep at a very $$ cost. Mom’s car fixed at a low cost of a fuel line. And lesson to all of us to check the freaking oil. Oh… and watch out for cops on gazebo patrol. We still get a laugh at that little gem.
So when you think you have a bad day, luck just against you, remember others have them too.
I know I am old fashion. Hell- just old all the way around. Life being shelter from all things dark. Human nature is nothing new to me, but I will admit the "gothic" scene is not something I know a lot about. Or really care to.
So that must be the reason why I don't get the whole "Who is the biggest ass on VR" thing.
Added Dan Fogelberg "Same Old Lang Syne" to my profile. I have not listen to his music in years, but I am today. Brings back memories. Not many songs of today generation can do that.
Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the house, not a creature was stirring …do we even have a mouse? Birra stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes they would dry and stop stinking up the air.
The family all nestled in beds, as dreams of great forum threads race thru their heads. Images in her glasses, drinking the last of the wine. Not saying she is a slush…but she was feeling just fine.
When out on the lawn came screaming and growling, she yelled “Shut Up!”, getting out of bed not at all appealing. Away to the window Lore flew by in a flash, tore open the shutters and broke the damn sash. “Oops. Sorry.”
The moon was on Beastman as he played in the snow, chasing his tail as in a circle he goes. Images whistled and shouted out some names “Morigon and birra, Harpia and Art! RC and Angel come on out to play! Fairy, Juno, Moon, Sahahria and Faith come out come out you old farts! Emerald and Elemental will you grab the Rat? Come out you all, out of those sacks!” Silence after the yelling, but soon you can hear, the sound of stomping and cussing, as her we hold most dear.
Leaving the house, giving out a “Oh” and a “Ah.“ KCRC started to say "This is not a plan outside day.." had the Beasty running up and throwing snowballs. Snow men and women was built, and snow balls was thrown but why was the last one steaming and brown...oh lord who knows?
As we filter back into the house, Images ready herself to speak... when Faith gave a belch, and Sahahria a loud fart, Images just smiled and laid fingers to her nose, saying “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.”
A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but..... Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck, and we were unable to find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch."
The man perks up at this.
"So," the doctor says, "it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision."
The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day.
"So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?" "I have," says the man. "And has she helped you in making the decision?" "She has," says the man. "And what is it?" asks the doctor.
I think you felt let down by me. But see… its not my fight. I am not one to get into another person’s fight. Sure- people have been known to make me pissed off by saying something about a friend. But this was not a “one on one” attack. It’s your journal and your work to stand up for. Nothing I can do for you.
I read the comment Radu sent and I think he was nice about it, even with you pushing him. But I would not expect anything different from him. Yes- I do call him a friend.
*sigh* See- this is the deal here on VR. I call you a friend too. Why do people think if they have a problem it should be yours also? I will listen to you, see your point of view, but I will not take sides. I don’t have a horse in the race.
My rule on Admin here. “Stay the fuck out of their faces.” There- that is how I get along with them. You asked, I am telling you. And really- why would you need to be in their face? Must just be me as I don’t go anywhere on this site but to my favorite journals, my house and covens, and rating. People don’t even know I am here and I like it that way.
People say they are bullies? “Stay the fuck out of their faces.” On power trips? “Stay the fuck out of their faces.” Picking on you? “Stay the fuck out of their faces.”
Am I hiding from them? No. If I have something to say, or post in the forums, I will. But if you just keep in mind this is a website, nothing more, it would help. My mom always said “Paper will lay still and let you write anything on it.” Well…so will a computer screen.
I agree the rules are loosely written, and I am glad for that. Cancer leaves them some room to use as they wish. As a person who has rules in her own life, its nice to have that leeway. And no- I DO NOT suck up to them, as was said to me. If I have the pleasure to talk to them, then I see them a humans. Have I talked to a Admin? Yes I have, about a mean message sent to me. Sevenn was very nice, and it was over with just a few messages. Other then that I have not had a problem on this site. Have I talked to some people who I see a friends that happen to be Admin? Yes. There is a difference, and you have to see that.
Never doubt that I would not treat them different if they came to me in a Admin voice. It will be yes Sir, no Sir. Just for the simple reason that I have been raised to respect people. Respect people. Thing is- people on this site don’t understand that value. If you can’t respect them, then stay out of their faces. It might not work for you, but its working for me.
Slow start this morning. Eating some nuts. LOL... oh get your mind out of the gutter, would ya? Insurance company that handle most of our coverage sent me a tin of nuts. Freaking big of them for over about 40,000.00 a year. Hell- no chocolate to be seen. Cheap asses.
Anyway.....
Took all my pictures off my Port. Yeah...just wanted If someone ask me what I look like here is the answer. Paula Dean, the chief? But brown hair, and brown eyes. Just a big old teddy bear looking woman. Nothing to write home about.
Ok... have to get to work. Just let me watch the goooooodd looking males sing a song one more time. :) So how I would screw this song up. But you have to love them.
And you can tell its the first cold day out as it was a fight for gloves this morning. Guys comments:
"Where are my gloves? I had them last year.."
"Who has my coat? I had a hoody hanging on the coat rack."
"Kay- you got a hat I can use? " "Sure. Has this little ball on top." Black with a pink fluffy ball on top. "Nevermind."
"Pink gloves? Do you think I am going to be seen with pink gloves?" Hey- just pink balls, gloves are black."
They dislike my girly winter hat and gloves..but you know what? I had no problem finding them this morning. Now- would that been the plan from the start?
O.o Who? Me? LOL Been working with men way too long not to know the tricks.
Watching these DVD, cook, eat, and veg out. AND not reading my work email, no matter how much I need to. Had enough this week. Its me and the couch, no stress allowed dang it.
Movies:
The Invisible.
Die Hard ....3?
Mr. Brooks
Perfect Stranger
Rise- Blood Hunter
The Return.
Oh and popcorn. Got to have popcorn. Mostly horror movies as that is what I like to watch, and the girls don't. Time to catch up. Thing is... I forget any good ones by the time they come out on DVD. So you know any good ones out there- hit me up. I love a good horror/ mystery movie.
*rat looks stun, then starts to laugh. Ends up on the floor, slapping it as she just keeps laughing at his comment. Then stand and wipes the tears away*
Oh please. Those two are just as bad as me. I am so feed up with everyone thinging those two are saints and its all *points to her chest* the rat's fault.
Trust me... those two are FAR from innocent. They just have better manners, and more shy about it.
Corrupting? Yeah... Like I COULD. LOL
You best be asking if they are corrupting me.... see no one cares about that.
Ain't going to lie- we are three peas in a pod.
I am just more.... blunt. LOL
*hold up hand to bull*
Whatever.
*goes to talk to the RedQueen, curls up to her puppy and sleeps*
Its just after 3:30 am and I am unable to sleep. I log on to rate and dull the mind a little and what do I find but a gift from QueenMorbid and Radu.
I love it! I love stamps people make me as its like a piece of art, showing me different sides of themselfs and what they see me as liking. I love every one.
Spent the night chatting with my two sisters Elemental and Nightgame. We was talking about making a Coven. Now this is what we came up with so far.
Name: Sensual Sloth
Slogan: Covered and smothered, hot and hard just the way I like them. Or Don’t start what you can’t finish.
Crest: Dildo with a cock ring.
Mistress Mark: As they will be three we had to come up with three.
Condom pack.
Bottle of KY lubrication. (KY as we all are from that state of KY.)
Flogger.
And no- I will not tell you whose mark was whose. LOL
To get into the Coven you have to write a erotic story or pictures. Video can work to.
Now for those who shame our Coven we have the Wand of Shame.
Going to light your world till you get inline with the Sensual Sloth.
Shame and pain.
Backgrounds-
St Andrews cross
Levels in the coven marked by sex toys: Butt plugs, cock rings, anal beads, ball gag, blindfolds, handcuffs, ect.
Trust me… it just got more raunchy. We dared each other to send it to Cancer but none of us was brave enough. So I can only put it here to make them want to kill me.
ROFL. Ok- off to bed. And to some strange ass dreams I am sure.
Thanks Cat and Birdy. You made my night, as always. Loves ya both.
Reading Images journal, one of my favorites, I read the comments made by a member about the top journal’s listed on this site.
Just for the fun- I went over to read his and took notes. I understand why he believes his should be the TOP journal over all those on Vampire Rave.
So you can see a few changes in my journal as I adjust my attitude to copy his. I was so impressed I made a list. *pulls out her list wrote on toilet paper*
1. Talk about myself- ALWAYS.
2. Bitch about stupid things.
3. Whine and pout when I don’t get my way, act like a five year old spoiled brat.
4. Attack people for what they say, even as I bitch about others doing it to me.
5. Leave any personal life, or “real” stuff out of the journal.
6. As I surf VR- look for stuff to write about. Chant “Everyone loves drama and I am the queen of it.”
7.Point out how I can run a coven, do administrative jobs, control this site, and the world better then anyone. Never mind I am still wet behind the ears.
8. Think everyone is watching me, and its all about ME ME ME!
9. Disrespect is a good way to get notice, and that is the goal.
10. Read number one again as really- reading about me is all ANYONE would ever want.
I think that is all the points I got from his journal. So expect some changes.
Was on the job today moving a very nice older couple. Around 2:30pm I called into the office to tell then we would get the job done today, working a little late and pulling a eleven hour day. I knew of two customer who we could move up a few days as it seems everyone wants moved at this time of the year, this year.
Sister came on the phone and asked me how it was going, and I said fine. One of the guys slip on the slick walk board, and refrigerator landed on top of him but was alright. Yes- I hate working in the rain.
She tells me she got a call a few hours ago. A young man that worked with us for the last few summers is dead. He was drinking with a bunch of male buddies and shot himself in the head. She was told by a family member that they had been playing around with guns. It happen around 4:00am this morning.
I just keep seeing his face. Young, strong jaw and thick neck. Glasses. He had a physical handicap of a limp foot. A friend of ours asked us to give him some work, and Dad started him with washing and cleaning trucks. Then he would help do odd jobs around the warehouse. While he received a check every month, he also wanted to work.
One day I sent him on a job. I can’t remember why…either short handed or something. I told the guys to watch out for him, just let him use the dolly. I remember when they returned from the job the requested him for jobs as he worked more then anyone else they worked with. They stood right in front of him and told me he was a hell of a worker. That just put a smile on his face. I worked with him a few times and you could not find fault with his work. While a few things he could not handle, he would handle what he could.
A mother who would take his painkillers and sale them on the street, a father who was not in his life. But a young man that would work for us, with us in the summer for a few months to feel like he was normal, doing something in his life. He was planning on going to a local collage, had a girlfriend the last time I knew.
So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car. . .
and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?
Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it . . . he was a DWARF!
He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I look down at him and say, 'Well, then which one are you?'
. . . and that's when the fight started ...
______________________
After starting a new diet I altered my drive to work to avoid passing my favorite bakery. I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning, and as I approached, there in the window was a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed ... "Lord, it's up to you, if you want me to have any of those delicious goodies, create a parking place for me directly in front of the bakery." And sure enough,
on the eighth time around the block ,
there it was!
Ain't God Good!"
Funny- I have done the last one. LOL
And my Yule profile is up. Thank you for the idea of music for it, Abstract. :)
Why does the image of him standing in a room, hands tied together and hooked to the ceiling so he can not move them. Oh ... and lets make him nude.
Me with a flogger comes to mind. And a long .... *blush*
Fishnet stockings, four inch ankle boots with a black leather teddy. Some body lotion that heats upon contact, to make the flogger hits even more painful.
Striking him on the bare ass, coming up behind him and running my hand along his spine.
"I am sorry...what did you say about spell check?"
"I recently found out im half vampire. i do not know who or how, but now im obesessed with blood, and sunlight hurts. i can walk in it but seriously....ow....anyway ive had a ruff life and if u wanna know just ask."
And now I am sitting on my couch rating on VR, talking to friends, using my old small laptop I had the hard drive replaced on as a back up for the office.
Watching Tin Man, and I just got the whole point of the show.
See- if the youngest girl had just stop being all concern and helpful the evil witch would never been let out in the first freaking place. Kindness just screwed the pooch.
So what does that teach you? Kindness does not pay.
Other then that- the evil sister has some wicked ass clothing in this movie. I love her corset style dresses. And her eye makeup rocks.
Signs Santa's Elves Are Suffering From Career Burn-Out
15. There's a two-month waiting list for Santa voodoo dolls at the North Pole employee gift shop.
14. All of this year's rocking horses are sporting a fifth "leg."
13. They punch out Santa's lights before he even gets to the second "ho."
12. Come Christmas morning, more than one unlucky tyke will be unwrapping a container of brown, smelly Play-Doh.
11. All the "Sorry!" games have been repackaged as "In Your Face, Loser!" games.
10. Rather than taking the time to master the latest technological advances, they simply pack every PlayStation 2 box with a Hustler and a jar of Vaseline.
9. Sewing a teddy bear is hard work. Catching a bear cub at the North Pole is easy. You do the math.
8. Rudolph, elated at finally being invited to join in some reindeer games, instead finds himself confronted by shotgun- toting elves.
7. Several of them were caught on video adding real urine to the "wet baby" dolls.
6. The See 'n Say little Cassie received is teaching her that the duck says, "Santa blows," and the cow goes, "Get lost, kid."
5. Santa's elf-prepared road trip CD for Christmas Eve? Nothin' but "It's a Small World."
4. Five of them pitched a new show to FOX: "Elf Eye for the Fat Guy."
3. Cigarette burns on Barbie's posterior.
2. The only reason they ride the Norelco shavers over the snow these days is to get to a liquor store.
1. This year the kids on the "naughty" list are receiving lumps of koala.
Oh thank you! Thank you so very much. I can die a happy girl now, my life's goal has been reached. I mean... what else can I want? But you... as a friend!
:) Violaquin sent me this link to a movie that I found to be intresting. It is two hours, but worth watching. Violaquin you was right - I did appreciate it.
I got to spend some time with Connie before the KSP Christmas party. (State Police) Yeap- The cat knows how and not afraid to use handcuffs, as I hear it. o.o
Putting makeup on her, she brought over all her's in a small little bitty case, just if I needed it.
^.^
As if.
But she has moved up from a little change purse she had last year to this small travel case now. I am so proud of her. *waves her hands in front of her eyes so she will not cry* My little girl is growing up, buying more makeup. lol I mean...my lipsticks and blushes might fit in her little case.
Anyway.... I got her all fancy up and helped her lace up the velvet ankle style boots I have she wanted to borrow. So I really got to play with her ankles too. *winks*
When it came to putting her into my bodice, I had to have some fun with her. I kid with her I got to touch her boobs. ;) Boob touching!! I got to touch her boobys!! LOL
So if you wonder what I did tonight- I was feeling up Nightgame.
*grins*
She is soooo going to kill me for telling you that.
Member BytchofDarkness asked me very nicely to return to her profile and rerate her. So I click on her icon and viewed her profile. I start to read a little of her profile, enjoying the music she had playing. All in all a nice profile so it was a ten from me.
Then I found her MP3 player. That made me pause and look at her playlist. One song pop out to me as a remake of a old late 80's song that I loved. Hate to say it- but I like this one better by a band I did not know of till now. :)
I love playlist on people's profiles. The mix of songs and styles just makes me want to spend the day. Thanks BytchofDarkness for bringing this song back to me.
"just ask me and i might just tell you about me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
*puts finger to my chin and look up as I think really hard what to ask. Snapping my fingers- I have it and start to type*
Do you have lint between your toes?
When you fart- does it make your underware hot?
Have you peed in the shower?
Is your name George?
When you eat noodles do you make a slurping sound?
Do you think women who snort when they laugh are sexy?
Ok.. think that is enough for now, but I will return to ask more. This could be fun. :)
O.o
*hits delete, stamp, and #1*
Another one......
"I have icy blue and mezmorizing eyes and blonde hair that all comes together around my pale face. I have been told that i am a vampire and i agree with all of them"
I will have to thank Cancer for the Coven Chat rooms if I ever talk just to talk to him. Not likely as he scares me. :) lol
Anyway- see Nightgame and Elemental are my best loved frinds and we have tried to get in the same Houses on the site, but it never worked out. We are happy in the ones we are in, and unwilling to give them up. Lucky us, huh?
But we are in a Coven together, and I just spent the last few hours with the two ladies I love the most. :)
A cold pussy and a hot twat. What more can a girl ask for????
ROFLMAO.
So glad no one joined us. :)
And what do you mean- Rat stew??????
I love you both so very much. Never ever forget that. Always.....
Night Twat and Pussy. Remember to charge for it next time, ok. LOL
And here is the video I was talking about girls. It looks kick ass.
If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the Hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.
THURSDAY :
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.
Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me
Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
FRIDAY :
I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.
Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damned barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.
Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
SATURDAY :
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
SUNDAY :
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
So... today has been full of ....huhs. You know- when things happen and you just go "Huh."
What, you ask, makes me say that?
Well-
CHORDEWA sent Cancer the stupid silly ad thingy I wrote for his websites. O.O How do I know this? Because she sent me his reply to it. "Huh" #1. :)
I posted a story that came from a dream from Sunday morning, having wrote some of it Sunday and spending lunch time to finish it today. What can I say- I been needing to write for no other reason then for me. But was I brave enough to post it? No. I posted it as private. Then said if you want to read it- ask. Several people asked and that was "Huh." #2.
And the #3 "Huh." was from Connie. If you ever read anything I have writen it is because of her. Connie was the one, and still is the one that I listen to about my work. She tells me that it's not that bad- to let it go public. Books anyone can buy at Walmart is more... bloody. So with her words in my head, and reading KCRC comment of "No guts, no glory Rat." I was almost 80% sure I was going to make it public.
Then the last biggest "Huh"hit me, making it #4. That would be my last ten list. When you see that icon- you would expect the journal to be locked down, wiped even. But its still here.
So I am making the story public. If you don't want to read it- then stay away from the sexy stories. Simple enough.
So I wrote a sex story about a dream I had Sunday morning. Its private because I am not comfortable with it being seen. If you want to read it then ask and I will send it to you.
I might put it public... I just don't know. Let's wait and see what a few people say about it that I trust, if they want to read it.
I mean... I should not be ashame of it. It was a dream, from watching horror movies I am sure. Its not any more graphic as far as sex part, but ... it is more darker then anything I have expressed with my words before.
*sigh*
I mean- if you enjoy reading the stories, then you should, right? I have them listed all together. Its not like a put a X rated story where you would not expect it.
Worst could happen is I get more hate mail. If I do this I need to pull off my pictures as if anyone was to get hold of this in this small ass town it would ruin us. I think that is what is holding me back. Maybe I need to pull my own ID back off this site if I go this route.
Hmmm.....
If I do this and it crosses the line all they can do is give me a time out. Ask me to remove it. Hell- they will lock my journal out till I remove it. But how far can you push at the rules before you get slap down?
Thinking right now it will stay private. Again- if you wish to read it, I will send it to you. No questions or comments asked. Or expected from you to me. This is just me... playing with my darker side is all.
Close to Christmas... so what better time to do Nun jokes?
14:14 Dec 01 2007 Times Read: 2,627
The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."
So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"
"Blind man!"
The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt." They let him in.
The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
One night a blond nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.
"My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish," said God.
"Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways," said the nun.
"There must be something you would have of me," said God.
"Well, there is one thing," she said.
"Just name it," said God.
"It's those blonde jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blonde jokes to stop."
"Consider it done," said God. "Blonde jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans everywhere. But surely there is something that I could do just for you."
"There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth your time," said the nun.
"Name it. Please," said God.
"It's the M&M's," said the blonde nun. "They're so hard to peel."
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