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Today... well, yesterday when I had waken up I thought that it was gonna be a good day starting from the time I opened my eyes until I closed them. It started off great like any other day but now I'm falling back into depression as I always do. but for some odd reason it is worse than usual... i feel sooo alone like i have no one in this world to turn to. like no one loves me. like no one cares... i am slipping yet again into the void that i no longer know. the darkness was fine and i had no problem with it at all twas my safe haven... now im in a place i have no reason being, is there hope for me? i have no clue... my wording is even off and this is very uncommon of me i know for a fact bcuz me being who i am, a perfectionist, isnt right. i am falling into a neverending void something like a blackhole without the darkness... if it was darkness i would be just fine and everything would be justified by sleeping.. but i am afrais i must shed blood once more my dear friends and subjects... listening to apocalyptica signing out for the night. may darkness consume us all... im not sure if that was a question or my soul speaking the truth of which i feel

My day was okay except for the fact that I've had a complete change of personality. I sometimes hate these times because I don't really know who the real me is. I love being a chamelleon but it isnt always the best way to be because of family matters. I believe that instead of being bipolar i have multiple personalities. I love and hate who i am at times... who am i? I have a pulling and a nagging inside of me pulling at my soul trying to tell me to do something but i am yet to find out what that something is. Maybe it is telling me to be the person i really am or the person who the real me really wants to be. I really dont know. Years of therapy and speaking to people about to most personal of things in my life who i really dont know. At least they know who they are... or do they??? It has changed nothing i am still the same blood loving person i was before without the blood running down my arm from cutting. Sometimes i just wanna yell and scream at the top of my lungs for someone to help me but i feel as though no one will hear me. I really dont know know who i am. But i do know that i love vampires and the occult and may possibly be one. Hold on, hold on what is going on within me? It is like there are people inside of me pulling me in multiple directions and i have no flashlight to see who either one of them are and i have no voice to ask them what they want. What am i to do? Just sit here and wait until i am pulled apart peice by peice until there is nothing left of me? Is it all in my mind? It must be because im thinking it. But there is a reason that i am thinking this way. I really miss the old me when i was a child who didnt have a care in the world but for my grandmother and the vampire lestat. I have grown to have a great infatuation with blood and all of the key componenets that come with. Like the urge that i get to cut myself and drink directly from my own flesh whenever i dont have the energy to be depressed anymore. I am becoming my own vampire. Even though i have learned to contain myself and focus my energie elsewhere i still have the urge to stick a needle in my arm and pull out the blood just to have it come back into this horrible body of mines again and sit depressed and often full for a monent but i still end up empty again. Psychological issues> Many say thats what i have. But to me I am my own vampire

There is more to a person than what meets the eye. They say beauty is only skin deep and so is the soul that lies beneath our puddles of lies that we spew out everyday in search of a deeper meaning. It is a mysterie why in so many of our bodies we still have a heartbeat pumping blood through these thin lines that we call veins. I search for a meaning everyday hoping that this dreadfulness that I call hope for a better life will someday come to an end. This hope I shall rename torture in a world full of corruption

if only living could be better resolved and accepted by death