I still remeber the day that I joined VR. I was 13 years old and just looking for a place to be who I wanted to. I stumbles along this site on accident, but I am glad I did. At first I was nervous, that I wouldn't be expected, that this would be another place I was 'too wierd' for. I still remember who my first ever friend on VR was. Her name is Corpseflower, she explained a lot of how this worked for me. She helped me a lot in the beging, THANK U! I miss those days, when my worst worry was gym class and science projects. When I came on everyday after school and talked to so many people. You guys knows who you are. I miss those days, when coming on was a pleasure, not a chore. Now i feel like I am excluded again, all the people i knew on here have moved on with their lives and I am stuck in place. Alone and cold. How much sometihng changes in 2 years, and now.....I miss those days. I want my old friends back....but if people change....why haven't I? Why am I still stuck with the mind of a 13 year old girl who just wants to fit in?
2/8/11-Today at school some guy wrote in sharpie "Stupid Whore" on my locker. Also, durring 3rd hour, someone broke into my locker, stole my MP3 player, fucked up my bag and binder, took all my papers and wrote comments like "stupid, ugly, fat, slut, whore" on them and scattered them up and down the hallways. My school said since my MP3 player was personal property and technicly not supose to even be at the school they won't replace it. All this started cause I wouldn't go back to my ex and he told everyone I was a slut and blew him in the backseat of his car. Now the entire soccer team said they have slept with me at one point or another and some of the baseket ball and football team. I have never said sex. My school life is ruined, great, 2 more years of this shit...
2/9/11- Today was as bad if not worse than yesterday. Not only did I have people consently talking about me, hearing them call me a slut, a whore, trash and what not. Also, as I would go down the hallway I would get an intentional bump and my ass grabed. Everyone would laugh so I never could tell exsactly who did it. In 4th hour i thought it couldn't get any worse. I was wrong. As I was going to the bathroom some random guy fallowed me and when I got into the bathroom pushed me against a wall and started kissing me. I asked him what the hell he was doing and he said that he'd heard the rumors and wanted to do it with me in the bathroom. I denied him, and guess who now decided to tell all his friends I jacked him off in the girls bathroom? That's right, him. I thought that was bad, but it only made me feel even worse when I saw all the stuff written on the girls room wall. I thought it was just something they did in high school T.V shows. I didn't think girls actully gossiped and wrote things on the bathroom wall like that. And guess whose the fat, whore, slut, bitch, cunt, worthless, ugly, useless, home wrecker of this conversation? Me.....I hate my school.....
2/14/11- (Valentines Day) So, as everyone knows, today if valentines day. I came to school to find the bottom of my locker full of cards and notes, figuring they were from the 1 or 2 people who don't hate me, i was happy to read them. Until of coruse, i actully read them. Among the crud drawings of hearts and the perverted poetry pretty much calling me a slut in the most poetic ways possable. That made my day start of awful, then it porgressivly got worse. Since i had an alergic reacotion to the polin that someone smeaered on my loocker where some flowers had been, as i was snezing my nose off and trying to stop my eyes from watering people luahged. I guess I had stumbles towrds the wall cause I remember feeling my back to it. When I was able to breath and see again I hurried to class. Wanna know the best part of my day? Getting a small plush teddy bear from a kid on my bus, one of the kins that you can make him hold something. I thought it was cute and it was holding a note that says "Open when home". So, about 10 minutes ago I opened it, what fell out? A condom with his phone number attached to it. I hope I can transfer...
Today at school I fixed 2 relationships, then on my way home I fixed another, and no matter what I do I can fix everyones relationships but no matter what I do I can never fix mine. I try reallly hard to make them work and I fix heart after heart of my firends but no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try no one can ever fix mine. My heart has been roken for so long and everyone seems to use the duct tape before I get a chance to, so as I help put together heart after heart, my heart remans broken. I just want someone to fix my heart for one, but no one ever dose....no one ever dose....
I'm really tired of this empty feeling. but no one seems to care or want vto help. The ones who want to just don't understand, but everyone who can help just ignore me like I'm some dog. Like I'll be here when they get back, like they can kick me around until i just crawl into the corner and wait. I can't help it though, cause i know i will be here when they get back.....i guess i am a dog.
With every passing minute, it hurts so much more and no one seems to be able to hear me cry. Am I invisable or just dose no one care? I reached out for him and he just walked away, as if I was just a figment of his imaganation. I cryed out for him, help me please, before its to late, and he just smiles and laughed, as if he heard not what I said. When did the world get so big, or.....when did I get so small? If i close my eyes he kills me, if I open them he crushes me, if I try to relax he stresses me, but no matter what I do hes around me. But even when hes around me, he still dosen't notice how much hes hurting me. Making me feel guilty for hurting, making me feel bad for loving, no matter what I do i'm in the wrong. Maybe I am wrong.....cause the rest of the world must be right. Oh well, at least I know now, the rest of the journey is just a walk threw the world of pain, and I'm only a foot tall.
COMMENTS
you know kriss
I should have wrote this here a long time ago
but here it goes
this guy doesnt deserve you if he treats you like that
hang in there darlin
the right guy or girl...
will come in time!
peace homie:]
COMMENTS
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Bijou
05:58 Feb 19 2011
This place has changed..i've only been on for two years and it just seems the wrong people have left and wrong ones have stayed. But look at it this way now you can help a newbie learn the ropes of VR, and they will be greatful to you as you are of Corpseflower.
Vampfan1
06:04 Feb 19 2011
Yeah, i know, But with the 10 message limit rules its hard. I know why they posted the rule and i agree, but it still makes things hard.
Midnightmoonlight
07:41 Feb 19 2011
LOl haha same here 13 and now 15 and all friends are gone! I use to be friends with u on my old account .