I want to tell him how I feel, but I can't. "What if I do?" It pounds in my head with every breath I take. "What will he do?" I form each scenario carefully. He might not be ready. He might not want me. There may be another, what then? Why should I put him in that position? Is it selfish of me to want it? Or more so of him to deny it?
I'm in love with a shell. A shell of a creature that I feel to be a rare treasure. But he won't let me in. I can never know the man behind the walls. Am I not important enough? Have I not tried hard enough? Or is it that I've been trying too hard and the extra walls appearing are being built because he wants to shut me out and I won't take the hint. Are the walls to protect me from the truth--the truth that I am not the one?
Well, my current home is the Coven of Dark Conception. After a lot of consideration, I asked Darkfairie to allow me to look around a bit. Somehow, somewhere--my home had lost it's comfort. I felt as if I didn't belong. The cause is unknown--whether it was actually my personal life that had caused these feelings, or the coven just wasn't satisfying me anymore.
I still love my former packmates dearly and wish them all the best. I hope my new coven will provide whatever it is that I'm looking for, and if not--that I find one that does soon.
I'm very grateful to my former covenmistress for her graciousness in allowing me this opportunity.
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