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Sitting in the dark another night...

Feeling spacey... almost like I'm floating...

Nothing particular on my mind tonight

Not really sure why I'm writing anyways

Just curious to see what comes out



Slowly taking off my bra and wiggling in my chair

I try to get comfortable... but I'm unable to...

I sigh because the words aren't enough... never are

Yet even if words came, I'd still be speechless

Silence is all my mouth will produce



I shake my head at the thought of saying goodbye

Or even to hug the person to taught me how to live

How to overcome circumstance and fight for what you deserve

Normally, I'd write about anger, closure, or love

But this is a different kind of pain



Pain of dead weight being lifted off my shoulders...

Pain of needing more than anyone's ever offered me...

Pain of having to say goodbye to a part of myself...

Pain of still mourning for the dead that haunt...

Pain of indecision and stubbornness to change



Pain that I'm sure I'm not even aware resides in me

So deep it's hard to even reach

Shakes me to the core when I ponder on it

I simply ask a friend if I have cause for what I feel

Her words unleash a dam of tears



I want to call friends, but I wont this time

Pride's got its hands around my throat tonight

But I still have this blank screen, waiting for my inspiration

And the dance my fingers engage in over the keys

As they make a record of my thoughts



I will acknowledge this need and fill it immediately...

A shiver runs down my spine as I think of you

The coldness in your voice as you spoke to me

Physically standing before my eyes

But mentally with him

Answer me one thing...

Why am I no longer enough for you?



I didn't realize how my life revolved around you

Until you said that you were leaving

Just like that... I'm second best...

I tried to hold you... yet you shrugged me away

Tried to talk to you

But your cold tone kindled anger inside of me



Honestly, I can't even imagine having to say goodbye to you

Yet I know I must...

Reaching deep down inside of me to not beg you to stay

Knowing that this town holds nothing that you want

Crying at the thought because I'm here

And others who love you dearly



When we were younger...

We'd talk about growing old together

Giving the male nurses a hard time

*begins to weep*

I just want you to know that you're unreplaceable, girl

Even if I'm replaceable to you



I remember the pain in your eyes

The way you held him so close to your body

Trying to find the strength to let him go

I battled with myself to just leave you there

As much as it would hurt, I almost did

But you had to come back for your things



Cried most of the way home...

The saddness, a constant stream down your cheeks

My heart broke... seeing you in that state

I cried silently to myself... tear by tear

Realizing right then that you were already gone

Gone... never to return



I reached out for you... but you never saw

Never felt my touch as I grabbed your hand

I cracked a joke when it became unbearable

Yet... I was never heard

It rips me to pieces to know that I only have the shell of you

When I've seen the great in you from day one



That absent stare that you offer me hurts

But I knew this day would come...

You'd meet someone that saw you for who you really are

I didn't think it would be this soon...

And not like this...

You will never fully understand how much this hurts me... and why



At the end, I'll say my goodbye

Knowing good and well that your ears won't hear it

I'll offer a hug that your body can't feel

Cry tears that you refuse to see

And pray to God that the next time I see you

You'll be the same Rachel that I've loved for years

Walking around without a care in the world

I spot you from across the room

Doing your little dance for strangers

Laughing loudly as they watch you entertained



Goodness, you're beautiful

Almost snow white hair... a few blonde streaks

Baby blue eyes anyone would die to have

Including myself



Your little shoes are snug on your feet

Strutting around until you see me

Running to me directly...

I smile as you grab my leg



Running my fingers through your soft hair

Feeling the little bump on your head from the jealous floor

You slide your hand up my inner thigh... holding tightly

I grab your hand tenderly as I pull you lightly away from me



Kneeling in front of you, I smile...

You smile back... thinking I'm someone else maybe

I touch your cheek... making you giggle

Goodness... *shakes head with a smile*



Another man bringing me to my knees...

Yet this one, I can handle

You refuse to go back to your mother

Shocking me... and I take you into my arms



Sitting you in my lap, you lay your head on my chest

Putting your thumb in your perfect pink mouth

Such innocence... unconditional love for a stranger

I smile as I rock you... watching your eyes flitter shut



Sleeping prince sucking on that one comfortable finger

Your head falls back carelessly as you drift farther

Brings a tear to my eye...

I whisper, "I could do this for the rest of my life."



I lightly touch your thumb... pulling it out of your mouth slowly

Your lips keep sucking trying to find it

Too tired to open your eyes to look for it

I slide it back into your mouth as you start to wiggle awake



My arm starts to hurt... loosing muscles that I never use

But I just smile... pain I'd gladly bare...

Even your breath is wonderful

The smell of apple juice and animal cookies



I find myself falling in love with you

Holding you close to my body...

Watching your chest move up and down as you breathe

The world just melts away around us



I slowly take off your shoe... just staring at it

So small... so perfect...

Your feet move just a little as you feel temperature change

I slide it back on after playing with it in my hand



I move your head gently... making sure you can breathe

Your hand falls at my side without any effort

Officially in beddie-bye land

Dreaming dreams that grown-ups wish they knew



I wrap your blanket around us as I feel the cold myself

Holding you as long as I can

But knowing that I'll have to let go soon

I lean down, whispering, "Don't forget me."

I sigh as you say that you're leaving...

Knowing that I can't stop you

A part of me not wanting to

As bad as that might sound



Never said that you'd call

You have to know that I'd want you to

Just to say that you were all right

And got there in one piece



One call would mean the world to me

But here I sit... staring at the machine

Not one call from you

I guess right now I'm the last thing on your mind



Guess I'll have to just take that

I can understand that you're busy.. but...

*sighs* Goddamn it...

Just once... I wish you could just surprise me



Just step out of that box full of excuses

It's hard, I know... I've been there...

But just one step... I know you can do it, hun

Which is the main reason why I'm so disappointed



So much potential being held back...

And for what?

Possible love? Possible way out?

*sighs* Doesn't seem like enough, does it?



I've refused to cry about your decision

Won't help me none

Plus, there's no need for it...

You'll do what you want regardless...



Maybe I'm just too overprotective

Shit, maybe I'd not protective enough

But someone's gotta fuckin care...

I know your mother doesn’t



I hate the fact that you're seeing this as an escape

Running away from the woman that never was a mother

A father who walked away and never fully came back

And a dick that only by blood makes him your brother



Am I a bad friend for wanting you to stay in an abusive home

Instead of moving in with a total stranger?

Either way it sounds crazy...

But at least at her house, I can get to you



Now you are with him... might actually be having a good time

But hell if I know...

Too busy up his ass to actually pick up the phone

Sex and men are too important



So here, I sit with a perfectly fine machine

With no messages... not one...

*turns to the machine... sighs*

Just one message... that's all I ever wanted...

I hear that you might be coming soon

Walking right back into my life again...

I must admit the thought does put a smile on my face

You and I... together again...

No tellin what'll happen



Life's been throwing me its curve balls

Running me ragged

Recent developments have begun to take its toil on me

Rapping me of my pride... dignity...

I need an outlet out of it... you...



Help me to forget my sadness

Take me away from the world even if it's for just a moment

I wish to be blinded from the depression I've fell into

And to be held by a man who understands my needs

Please I beg of you...



Will you touch my skin like I was breakable?

Smile as if it was oxygen to my lungs

Hold me like I'm apart of the very core of you

Kiss me as if my lips were your salvation

Lets reenact the first day we met



I haven't forgotten about you, hun

How could I?

You showed so much affection towards me

How could I not respond?

Our hearts remember the dance we shared



A part of me wants to run to you...

But the bigger part wants to hide

Make up excuses to not see you again

It's painful to let someone touch me like you do

It hurts to feel your hands on my skin



But I can't help wanting to reunite

See what it is between us

Am I just lonely and starving for attention?

Or is this something more?

I don't think I could handle both...



Don't know how serious you take this

Honestly, I don't want to know

I'd never tie you down... I wouldn't dream of it

And I'm not ready to settle down myself

Single life is way too welcoming right now



I still taste your lips, you know...

The urgency in your voice as you asked me for a kiss

The innocent tone that you had with me

Was it just a game or was it for real?

I'm not yet sure...



What is it that you want from me?

Do you want to just hold each other until the sun rises?

I could handle that...

Just letting you touch me...

And allowing myself to touch you



So use me... and I'll use you...

This won't go past physical for me

Love's not in the cards this time, hun

I won't play the jealous girlfriend, I promise

Just two people meeting each other's needs



Please don't be offended at these words, hun

I don't mean to hurt you if you meant this to be more

So please pour the drinks... hand me my cigarettes

Wrap your arms around me tightly

And pretend that you don't see tears in my eyes

I remember a time when this black background held peace

But at this moment, it only holds pain

As emotions run through my veins, I cry

Not knowing what else to do

Or what I'm allowed to feel



What do you do when your heart breaks?

Who do you run to?

When does the pain subside?

Where is the cure for such a horrible disease?

I fear there isn't one



I would lie on the ground if I wasn't hovering over it

I'd scream if I knew how...

I'd fight, but it's not my battle

Stump my feet if it wasn't so childish

Cry harder if I thought I could stop



The worse emotion is helplessness

Throwing out warnings that are never heard

Writing words that no one reads

Bleeding invisable blood

Bathing in my own invisable tears



Feeling like nothing that's said or done is enough

People will do what they want...

No matter how wrong... or unhealthy it is

Learn to deal with it, I know

But how can you do that when they are a part of your life?



I know life isn't the best right now...

But how can running away be the answer?

Especially when to run away from life

Means that you are farther from me

Can't be selfish... I keep repeating in my head



But how is it selfish to want the best for the people you love?

I can't ask you to stay... but I can't help you leave

The pain runs through me like a consuming fire

How much of me will it destroy?

Only time will tell, I'm afraid



Just seems like I'm being walked out on

As wrong as that might be

Many have come and gone... but a few...

Now I might loose you as well

And that, sister, hurts more than you will ever know

I see him out of the corner of my eye

Walking up on the left of me as I sit

Singing off key for kicks

I turn to see his blue eyes shining at me

The innocent smile that he offers

I instantly smile back... unable to hold it in



Such an unexpected moment caught only in memory

I then notice his height... as tall as me

He sits down... only a few feet away from me

Seconds before his smell reaches me

I grin to myself... shaken my head as it hits me

Just had to be Curve... *giggles*



We're asked to stand... and sing...

Both the same height... just cant get over it

Perfect in a sense

Then I hear it... his voice...

Wow...

I'm officially hooked



Games over before I even open my mouth

Always a first time for everything, I guess

Normally, I'd fight... but this time, I'll just surrender

As scary as that sounds

I look over... and meet his eyes

Oh shit...



Before I know it, I open my mouth and speak

"You have a nice voice."

He smiles from ear to ear as he starts to blush

I freak... not knowing what to say next

Then he replies, "Thank you."

I smile back as I giggle like a little schoolgirl



I speak again... starting to feel brave, I guess

"Is it your first time coming here?"

I laugh at my own stupid question

Hell, it is my church...

If he had been there before, I'd know about it

"No, it's my first time."



I curse myself as I hear it in my voice

Damnit...

He blushes more at my giggle

I regain myself... and say, "So what's your name?"

He leans towards me... "Patrick" he replies

I giggle... why? I'm not too sure.



He laughs back at me... blushing slightly again

I sit there a few moments

I'm forgetting something...

Hmmm...

Oh damnit!!!

My name! I never told him my name!



I lost my chance...

I look over at him... he's reading his Bible...

Caught up in the sermon

Not paying any attention to me

Invitation...

He starts to sneeze during the prayer



This cute little sneeze escapes his nose

I giggle... unable to contain myself

He looks over at me...

Was that a wink???

Shit, do-over... do it again!

I realize my hands are sweaty... rubs them on my jeans



He walks away... being caught by the preacher

Asked a thousand questions

I learn that he's the music/minister guy

The one we're looking into

Oh boy... just my luck

I smile as we meet eyes... he smiles back



Preacher calls me out of my trance as I hear my name

"Sherry!"

He smiles... as if to say, "Now, I know."

I turn as I hear my name again

And walk off as I'm told to find someone

I stop before turning the corner to look at him



He's crowded by many people... twenty at least

Damn... can't get to him...

Without plowing through people

Oh well, I think to myself and walk to the door

I turn just one more time... and he winks at me

"Oh yeah." I say to myself "That was definitely a wink."

Such a sweet distraction I've stumbled across

Aimlessly walking around in the shadows

Talking of different things which calls for my attention

Intrigued I became when read your thoughts

A devilish disaster, you are... pretty in spikes



I undress you with my eyes as I stare at your picture

Delicious, I'm sure...

Skin sweet like candy... tongue warm to the touch

Ass to die for... nipple ring?

*laughs* Shit, why not?



I circle you... curious as to how you'll react to me

Can I allure you?

Or will I be dismissed easily?

The challenge is quickly there...

This is going to be fun, I think to myself...



The piercings and dyed hair only drive me

Straightforward yet friendly comments bid me closer

Closer... closer... and closer I come to you

I test my limits... seeing how close you'll let me

Realizing quick that you've put up no boundaries



Mmmmm... how interesting...

Not one comment about a girlfriend...

I wonder what happened to her

Is she lost or have you just forgotten about her?

I'm dying to know the answer



I circle you... seeing you follow me with your eyes

Watching my every move...

Hmmm...

You counter me... joke for joke... move for move

Damn, you're good



Feeling like I might fall for you

So close... so very close...

I simply comment about the time

And grin as I walk away...

I leave you standing in the darkness... smiling...



Mmmmmm... forbidden fruit tastes the best…

I'll get another bite later...

Unveiling truth

Disbelief

Painful Realization

Utter Betrayal

Misery

Bitterness

Pent up Anger

Frustration

Empty Promises

Sleepless Nights

Addiction Used

Dry Tears

Hopeless



Heart-broken

I heard your message on the machine

Cringed at the sound of your voice...

Became angry... and emotional...

Didn't know what to feel

Or even how to deal



Wishing me a Happy Birthday

Thanks... I appreciate that... really...

I knew it was a matter of time before you contacted me

And the funny thing is that I wondered if you had forgotten

Guess I've got my answer



The phone rang... and I jumped...

As soon as I heard your voice, my heart stopped

Didn't know whether to hang up

Or actually talk to you

In that split second, time just stood still



My hands shook as I held the phone close to my ear

You became quiet... asking me if I was OK

"You don't sound like yourself." you said

I wanted to scream... rip into like you always did to me

But I didn't... wouldn't profit me



Instead I sat here, in my own personal cage of grief

Wondering why you contacted me... why now?

Did you honestly think that you could just call

And everything be fine?

Figures that you would think that



I can't hate you... can't seem to make myself

But when you spoke of this new girlfriend

My blood went cold...

Did you really call me up to boast about her?

Amy, is it?



Wow... you've reached a new low, hun

I won't cry... not this time...

Maybe when I lay down tonight, I will...

But not right now... not this moment...

I won't give you the satisfaction of hearing me



Met through a friend... putt putt golf...

Please, stop talking... I don't want to know...

Short... five foot... smart... sweet...

Oh God... I can't handle this...

Dating two weeks and you think she's the one



AM I DATING ANYONE???

Jesus, you're out for blood, aren’t you?

I reply, "No... I'm not."

Suddenly you give me a speech...

Telling me that I'll find the right one eventually



You laugh at my silence then become silent yourself

Asking me what's the matter... if you said something wrong

"I miss you... I still love you."

I can't hold it any longer... I cry...

Silence...



Don't know how to handle that, do ya?

Is this what you wanted??

For me to emotionally breakdown?

Well, you got it...

Don't know why you're acting concerned



You apologize for upsetting me

"I never meant to hurt you."

I was your emotional punching bag for over a year

You can't tell me that shit anymore

I know you... know you more than I care to



So do what you want with my tears

You always have...

Didn't want to cry in front of you....

But at least now I don't have to hold back

Now you know how much you've hurt me



Probably don't give a shit...

That's your right...

But if you ever loved me at all... you'd just hang up

Just let me go... right now...

Dial tone



*cries harder*

Dear William,



It's been awhile, hasn't it? I haven't forgotten you. How could I? My first serious relationship... my first real attempt at letting someone close. I don't hate you... sometimes I wish I could. I can't hate the pathetic... and maybe I'm in that category too, but at least I don't fuck with people. Everything with you was a non-stop head fuck. Didn't know how to please you. I ran in circles trying to understand, but only made you more pissed at me. Yet at the end of the day, I was the fucked up one.



I won't go down a list of your faults. I don't have the time or paper for that, but I will write this letter. Won't send it. I'm not that heartless. Just want to get it all down on paper for my benefit. Yes, I'm doing something for ME... only me. It's about time, I know. I put myself on the back burner for you which I know now was a BIG mistake. You never appreciated the things I did for you. It's was just my job in your eyes. To make you happy and to neglect myself.



I won't say that I was 100% innocent in this. There were times that I snapped when I shouldn't have or said some mean things. I just wish you could do the same for me. Admit that you fucked up. Truly, honestly fucked up. You told me that once after I broke up with you and I couldn't help but think you were bull shittin me. It's sad that I feel that way. I want you believe you, but I can't.



You know, I haven't been the same since we split. Don't think I'll ever be that way again. And all I can say to the old Sherry is adios because I'm stronger. Not as strong as I wish I was, but I am stronger. You didn't break me and if that's what you wanted to do, sorry... didn't happen. Don't get me wrong. You almost broke me... sooo close yet so far. Now I know what I deserve and won't settle for less.



I'm sure you're dating someone else. I'd guess older and prettier... which is fine. I just hope that she can take being compared to your ex non-stop, the mental abuse, the constant fighting, and the egg shells that she's going to be forced to walk per your request. I took my turn and decided to never do it again. I rather be single. Good luck, girl.



There are so many things I wish I could say to you face to face. See your eyes as I tell you how badly you fucked up my head. I rarely let people get close to begin with... now it's almost damned near impossible. Knowing you, you'd cry. Let those water works go so you could pull me back close. Try to get me to take you back. Well, you know what hunny? You hold your fucking breath on that one. It won't ever happen cuz I don't need you. I've got vibrators that gave me more than you ever did.



I'm sick of fucking crying over you. Crying over the situation... the relationship that was blown to pieces because you didn't keep your end of the bargin. I want to just fuckin scream at you... beat my hands on your chest... tell you how big of an asshole you are... how you fucked up everything because you didn't really love me... how I would have done anything for you if you would have just loved me... punch you in the face for calling me a bitch at church that one time and telling me that you couldn’t promise that you would never call me it again... do you fuckin how much that hurt?? You insignificant prick! To fuckin disrespect me in my own church.



You're lucky that you got me for that long and that was only because I promised myself that I won't leave until I knew that there wasn't any chance of making it work. I gave you chance upon chance upon chance. Went against everything I stood for. Stayed beside you even though you hurt me so badly... but finally that day came. I couldn't stand the sight of you... your voice... the smell of you... and the thought of you touching my skin made me sick to my stomach. I couldn't do it anymore.



Yes, I told you that I would stay with you forever. Be your wife.... the mother of your children... give you the one thing that no one else ever got... and I would have kept that promise if you would have just treated me better. Is that such a hard thing to ask for? Treat your love like you actually give a shit. Sounds simple to me. *sighs*



I don't know what started me writing this. I doubt that I'll even send it. I'm not that heartless. I rather just let you go. Chalk that one up as my Christmas gift to you this year. Merry fuckin Christmas. *shakes head as the tears fall* Goddamnit.



I hope you're fuckin happy...

Sherry Lynn

As you walk up, I tense...

Wondering what's going through your mind

Will this be awkward... probably....

Will it be ok... possibly...

Only time will tell, I see



You gently pull me to you... first smelling my hair

With a light moan in my ear, you kiss my cheek

Whispering how much you think I'm beautiful

Words that scare and excite me all at the same time

I want to run... but pull you close instead



I sigh deeply because the attraction just isn't there

Your kisses are wasted on me... but you never stop

Maybe hoping that I'll change my mind

Or with time, I'll allow you to win me over

I give a nervous laugh



You touch me so gently... almost like you’re afraid of me

Afraid that I'll reject you... or won't return your advances

But I just stand there... letting you rub against my skin

Only for brief moments

Then I run away...



The past floods my mind... the kisses... the touch

I shake violently and comment about the cold weather

You look into my eyes with a wondering stare

Almost like you're pointing out that I'm lying

You kiss my hand... your innocent plea...



We finally get to our destination...

You touch the small of my back as we walk

Begging me to let you in...

I just walk faster... making you work for your spot beside me

Softly holding my hand, you lightly pull me to your body



I freak as I feel your heart beating wildly against mine

What am I doing?? Why am I letting you touch me??

You ask me what's the matter...

My face never lies

Oh, how I wish it could



I smile at the question... saying nothing...

You pull me closer during my silence...

I make a desperate attempt at small talk

Failing miserably...

I run to the bathroom to throw up



I shed a few tears... wondering how to get out of this

He's physically so close yet emotionally so far

Can't bring him closer... can't turn him away

Between a rock and a hard place

I walk out of the bathroom



There you are... waiting for me...

You smile as our eyes meet

I smile back... I think to myself, "Oh shit."

You touch my face, asking for a kiss...

Just one...



I giggle it away... changing the subject quickly

You just take it... moving closer with each step

Making it known that you won't give up

Not until I tell you to... which I can't do...

For whatever reason



I become your lucky charm at the tables...

Only winning when I'm standing close

I leave for a moment... tell you that I'm going outside

You plead with me to stay

"I just need a breather." I reply and you let me go



I sit outside... craving a cigarette badly...

My hands shake so I put them under the table

Hiding them from friends and myself

If I don't see it, it's not happening...

I sigh as I sit back in my chair... close my eyes



As I think of you, my face turns hot... my hands like ice

Wondering what to do... what I feel...

I don't love you... I don't want to be with you

But I can't help but want affection...

Those small little touches I never got from my ex



We leave... sick of the four walls and rude people

You have extra money in your pocket

Believing solely that it was me that made it happen

You rub elbows in the elevator with me

I can't help but grin at you



At the car, you lean into me... smelling me once more

Commenting on how soft my hair is

How beautiful you think I am...

Kissing my neck when I turn away from you

Whispering in my ear how good my skin feels



Breath catches in my throat as you drag a hand down my back

Hitting spots you don't even know about

I slowly move away... then you pull me back close

I sigh into your eyes... trying to plead with you

Just let me go... please...



You kiss my shoulder as you lean into me...

Pushing me up against my car

Your lips getting closer and closer...

All I can think is...

OH SHIT! Oh my fuckin god...



Oh fuck... Oh fuck... Oh fuck... Oh fuck...

You kiss around my mouth... then stop to grin at me

My whole body starts to shake

You kiss me... running your fingers through my hair

Fisting... and releasing... fisting and releasing...



I touch your face with my trembling hand

Whisper softly in your ear, "Mmmm... shit."

You grin at me... trying to catch your breath

Our hearts demanding more air

You kiss the corners of my mouth... going in for another kiss



I gently push you away... freaking out...

You get close enough to whisper

"Mmmm... please?"

I turn my face to the side...

Leaving my mouth unguarded

Instead of kissing me, you start to talk...



Completely catching me off guard...

Talking about serious experiences

You step away... looking deeply into my eyes...

I open up... talk about my father...

Who he was... when he died...



You touch my back in a soothing way as I get misty-eyed

Comforting me without making me feel threatened

Thank you for that, Scott...

I leaned into you... wanting a kiss...

You met my eyes again... asking for my permission



I giggled softly as I kissed you...

Making you laugh back at me through our lips

A pleasant moment for both of us

Your taste was inviting...

Your touch was soothing...

Not rushed like most



Felt a little awkward when you walked away from me

I sighed... then grinned when you looked back at me

We left the restaurant... making our way to next destination

Smoking the entire way there...

One after the other



We arrive... and you walk towards me

Hold my hand as soon as you reach me

I smile at you... wondering what's running through your head

Another kiss?

Me spending the night?



We walk into her house... meeting her mom

You hide behind me... afraid of her...

I laugh loudly... and hold you close to me

"She won't bite." I whisper

And you reply, "Yeah, right."



You hide in the guest room… while I go into Rachel’s

Chill in there… scared to be alone with you

What trouble I might get into

I finally have to leave… and I walk by the room

Whisper goodnight to you



You beg me for one more kiss… just one

I smile in the dark… I’m sure you saw it

You smiled back at me… all shy… cute…

I kiss you… feeling your tongue against mine

And I backed away, grinning… then left…



*grins as I think of him* So uninvited...

Yet you won't hear me complain...

As I drop off my passenger

I sigh... not wanting to go home...

Griping the steering wheel... making a decision

Driving past my usual turn... I play a song...

One that I can sing without music or words



I sing it in my head for words can't be spoken

Even in the silence of the quiet car

Seeing the open abandoned road... I shed a tear

Wondering if I'll ever want to go back

Wishing silently that I never do



There was no fight... no harsh words said

Just unhappy at a place that is supposed to be my haven

A place where I should be safe... loved...

But it holds nothing I want... nothing I care for

A house full of mindless shit



So I drive... with no destination in mind

A way out... a accepting road leading nowhere

Just what I want... what I need

Understanding that it's not what it posses

But what it doesn’t...



I watch the cars pass me with great speed

Realizing I'm going under the speed limit for once

I grin... only for a slit second...

Passing homes with no signs of life

Pitch black... either vacant... or just resting until morning



Sighing when I think about having to go back eventually

Can't run forever, can I?

Knowing that someone's probably waiting for me

There always is...

Questions to be answered... lies to be told...



The tears come as I hear a familiar tune

A love song that used to hold much hope

Now shreds my insides violently...

A cruelness all of its own

I keep driving... not yet ready to face home



After an hour and several tears later, I'm ready

Heading home... slowly... very slowly...

Turning off all music, I shake my head

Forcing tears to run down my cheeks

One after the other in steady streams



Realizing where I'm going, my hands start to shake

Wondering what wound I must relive yet again

By someone who is supposed to soothe... help...

Looking away as I pass a church on my way

Resurfacing tears at the sight of my old school



I see my street and let out a low sigh...

Turning onto it... looking at each dark house

Wishing I was one in bed... oblivious to life

Curling in perfect rest... nothing to worry about

No one to save... including myself...



Parking, I step out of the car...

First, feeling the harsh cold breeze

Zipping up my coat in response

Walking up my steps to the porch

One light to cast shadows across my face



I sit... lighting a cigarette... inhaling violently...

Exhaling as I hear chimes singing on a neighbor's house

Forgetting about everything for just a moment

Wondering whose chimes I hear

My chimes answer the call of the other



My teeth chatter as the wind blows up my coat

Reminding me that Mother Nature's a bitch

Her way of kicking you while you're down

I sit in silence as I smoke my cigarette

Seeing the smoke being blown through my chapped lips



I walk through the door... no one to be found

All lights turned off... black as night...

No sound... just the light scuffle of my own feet

After setting my keys down, I take off my coat

Hanging it perfectly on its hook



I walk into the computer room...

Only the light of my screen to lead me

Sitting down with a heavy hearted sigh...

I look at the black background of VR

Finding the words to say... finally...