It's time for my annual purge; where I go through my clothing, CDs, books, magazines -- and the usual detritus that seems to pile up everwhere -- and purge. My basement is particularly out of control.
See, dear reader, sometimes it's fun to toss things down the basement steps into the darkness: empty boxes, soda cans, bubble wrap, scraps of wood, magazines. Etcetera. I like the sounds it makes when things tumble and bang their wy down wooden steps. Try it yourself and see.
Yes, I love to throw things away. Almost as much as I love to throw things down into my basement. And I love THAT, almost as much as I love to procrastinate. So, yes, it piles up and I shove it aside. Rinse, repeat, etcetera.
It's the 'etcetera' which is troublesome. I have car parts down there. Parts to cars that I no longer own; plus headlights, air filters, jacks, a spare tire, car batteries. (I don't know why I sold a car but kept the spare tire and the jack... that seems mean of me). I have an old screen door down there and my old sofa from college (nasty). Plus, piles of clothing, broken appliances, and old magazines.
So. I have now reached a Hoarders level of pathology in my basement. But I have to tell you, dear reader; it was entirely deliberate. It required a lot of laziness and I had to work hard to resist the urge to tackle my own mess. No, really. Hard work.
So, what did I do it?
Because I could.
And now I'm going to get it all under control in less than 4 hours.
Starting.... now.
It's been a long time since I've seen a bar fight. And unless you're somehow involved in one, it's hard to know how they start. A misstep. A bump? A nudge? A menacing glare? You looking at me?
*shrug*
Some people go out deliberately trying to provoke confrontations. I know people like this. I don't go drinking with them anymore. It's no fun getting dragged into a brawl that your jackass friend STARTED, really. I've never liked it. Besides, you end up spilling your drink and/or getting thrown out of a perfectly good bar.
But I digress.
I wasn't there for the start of it last night, so I don't know what started it. But I was there for the end. Here's the thing, guys: if you're going to yell at someone "Come on! Take a swing at me!" then you had damn well be ready for that other man to, ya know, TAKE A SWING.
Otherwise, you're a damn fool.
Here's what I heard:
Jackass # 1: "Come on! Take a swing at me! I dare you! Take a swi-"
Jackass # 2: *punch-punch*
And that was it. A two punch beat-down, followed by Jackass #1 hitting the floor while his girlfriend screamed "You sucker-punched him! YOU SUCKER-PUNCHED HIM!!".
Jackass #2 calmly stepped over Jackass #1 and said:
"It's not a sucker punch if he asks for it. I told you I didn't want any trouble."
And that brings up another good point: when someone says they don't want any trouble; believe them. They don't want it. But if you insist on looking for trouble, someone will bring it to you. Hard.
Just don't knock over my drink on your quest.
Thanks.
COMMENTS
Yes, some jackasses aren't given this wisdom growing up and so they interperate: "I don't want any trouble." as "Oh pleeeeease don't hurt me!!!"
I haven't been in a bar fight and I really don't want to get into one because (especially if it's with a girl) I don't bother pulling hair and I really don't want to hurt someone.
Girls crumple easily...
It's been a long time since I've been in one... or any fight, really. The ones I can remember, it was always someone else starting trouble - that guy. The one just looking to be belligerent. Trying to goad a friend into a fight.
Invariably, my friends are smarter than that. I am smarter than that...
"That guy," is rarely ever smarter than that - and if he can't get what he wants, then he's usually conning his friends into starting it with him.
Once the numbers become lopsided, my friends have tended to simply out number them.
It's always funny... I remember this one time at a bar, we were having a party. A big party, but it wasn't like everyone was just hanging out together... everyone was doing their own thing. Said situation started and a friend with our party "wasn't looking for trouble," but suddenly was looking at about 5 or 6 guys trying to start something for no good reason.
Those 5 or 6 guys ended up being surrounded by about 30.
Needless to say, they left the bar without a punch being thrown. And at the end of the night, 30 guys all left in a group just to make sure they weren't waiting outside.
Hey, they ruined their own night being stupid... we had fun.
lol sometimes the best fights start with a knocked drink from a hand due to another brawl already underway
*chuckling*
being a bartender, I usually see this from start to finish, from a sober standpoint, AND I can tell you one thing.
If the guy says he doesn't want any trouble, more often than not, he can MORE than take care of himself, and put a stop to your childish shit if you insist on starting it.
I worked in a red neck hole in the wall in Tallahassee. This skinny little shit was bothering this couple sitting at the bar, despite repeated requests from me AND the guy in question (who was sitting with his girlfriend) to stop. When the skinny shit took the finla step ("your girlfriend looks like my ass") the big guy stood up, and threw that hambone of his from KANSAS....the skinny guy screamed, ducked, and tried to go for his knife, at which point, I had rounded the bar, grabbed him by the seat of the pants and the scruff of the neck, and tossed his ass out the front door.
And WHERE, may you ask was the BOUNCER?
He was in the stock room, screwing one of the hos he let in withouth paying the cover....can you say "Roadhouse"?
'cos NOTHING says "Happy Mother's Day" to my non-estranged, non-Type A, non-ex-convict mother like a Martha Stewart branded bouquet of flowers...
It's a good thing.
Keep your cameras and cellphones handy so you can capture that WTF? look on Mom's face when that awkwardly magical moment happens!
COMMENTS
ROFL
I will try that!
Hahaahaa!
hell even the description for that thing gives me the heeby jeebies...lol
"lyrical" collection of flowers? REALLY?
Huh... I just get my mom Harley Davidson gift cards...
It... Looks like an urn with funerary flowers stuffed in it.
COMMENTS
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PhoenicianDream
18:30 May 31 2010
o.o in only 4 hours? Seriously? Are you streaming a live feed of that somewhere, cause it sounds impossible to do in 4 hours.
birra
19:34 May 31 2010
Good luck. Scrap metal is high value right now, so recycle where you can.
Especially copper. Oooo.. if you have old copper pipes and wiring... chaching.