THIS IS WHY I HATE PEOPLE, part 1716:37 Aug 13 2010
Times Read: 778
*pulls your résumé off the fax machine*
Yes, we received your résumé. Look, friend, I'm only saying this to help you out. We got a lot of unsolicited résumés around here. Lots of them. From intelligent, qualified people with a keen interest in marketing, PR, copy writing, creative, and/or client services. You need to set yours apart from the rest, but throwing bullet-points and buzzwords around isn't going to get you anywhere.
Then there's the issue of basic grammar: verb-subject agreement (or, in your case, disagreement) and your strange mix of present and past-tense verbs for jobs that are firmly established in your past.
Oh, and I'd like to mention your misspelled words; in particular: you mention Coca Cola Bottleing Company (sic) as one of your employers.
*taps the paper*
Tsk-tsk.
Considering that Coca Cola Bottling is an Atlanta institution and a beloved icon of Georgia, that's like misspelling your mother's name. "Bottling" is one of those words that spell-check will correct for you (more on this later). Also, you have included some useless information.
Ready? Let's go over it.
For example:
I notice you have written "Rookie of the Month, April 2007". Really? This is important? You worked at that mortgage company for 5 months. Why did you leave so soon after winning this prestigious award? I'm not saying that it's a red flag on your résumé, but it's something you should be prepared to discuss.
Another example:
You have included 9 different bullet-points which describe your work at a bank. This might seem interesting to you, and there is no doubt that you worked hard as a Senior Personal Banker; but most of your day-to-day tasks are completely irrelevant to us at an advertising agency. We don't have tellers, or a vault, or credit card security procedures. Why include these?
You include the phrase "8 years of experience in sales & marketing" in your description on page 1, but I don't see ANY evidence of marketing experience. Just lists of duties in middle management, customer service, and phone solicitation. And all of these duties are obviously fluffed up with buzzwords. It doesn't pass the sniff test.
You have included "MS Office" and "Ordering Office Equipment" as Technical Skills. They're not. Even. Since you can't seem to enable spell-check in Word, I doubt you have truly mastered MS Office. Besides, MS Office is so ubiquitous that -- essentially -- it's fair to assume EVERYONE knows how to work with Word, Excel, Outlook, Access, and PowerPoint.
It's like mentioning that you're proficient at MS Paint and Wordpad.
I have one word for you:
DON'T!
And don't send out a 3-page résumé with mostly irrelevant information on it. Trim off the skills that don't apply to this industry, and keep it to one page. No cover letter -- I don't care what they tell you at the job fair -- cover letters go straight into the trash.
Avoid industry-specific jargon, like "batch orders" and "sku product" etc. -- these might mean something to people in banks or credit unions or shipping, but I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about.
Also, avoid marketing buzzwords like "hunter mentality", "win-win", "synergy", and "results-oriented".
When you use these words, it makes us want to punch you in the face.
So look, friend, I really wish you luck in your job search. I know you're sending out your résumé to every fax number you find on your Google search of "Georgia + marketing + agency + fax" -- but you're not going to get many responses until you make the changes I describe above.
Warmest regards,
ThothLestat
*tosses your résumé in the trash*
Have a nice day.
COMMENTS
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faeriemoon
17:16 Aug 13 2010
And people wonder why they can't find a job. I have a good resume' and I'm having trouble finding a job. My theory is K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple Stupid) 1 page and I only offer up a cover letter if they ask for one.
PhoenicianDream
19:17 Aug 13 2010
Hahaha that's great! Oh and assuming people know Microsoft doesn't work. I had to work with someone for almost a year who effed up my excel spreadsheets on a daily basis. =l
ThothLestat
20:39 Aug 13 2010
That's scary. Really.
eMetiB226
18:15 Aug 16 2010
"hunter mentality"??
sheesh...you're never supposed to include somewhere you've worked less than a year on your resume anyway....
people are idgits.
Theban
17:45 Aug 28 2010
Did you reply like that to them Thoth? I would have!