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Good morning my dearest journal.

Thought I would write a few lines before I get my day started.

Not a lot to say.......the weather has changed and fall is heavy upon us now. Its nearly freezing cold in the house in the mornings now. I love leaving the windows open for the smell of the fresh air.

The boys are doing pretty good in school. they are back in scouts :-)

Vic game them a little shake down the other night. They were misbehaving like always only it was enough. He had his fill of them being disrespectful and nasty to me. So they both got a little taste of the Graywolf on a Full moon no less.....lol. I think they got the point. He scared them pretty good with a little discipline. I only get bugged that it takes a man to get their attention. I wish they would just listen to me. But, I am very thankful that Vic is around.

Some times I worry that he might just decide that I have too much baggage (boys) and he doens't want to stay around. But, I try not to let those thoughts in too often.

Things are fantastic!!! I am finishing up the last of planning for our trip to Tahoe :-) I can't wait! I hope the resort we stay at will be nice. I have never been to Tahoe and this will be our first trip together.

So many first with Vic.......I like that. I love making memories with him.

Well I suppose I will stop for now.....not much to really share.....till next time

I feel like such a school girl. or a dork I am not sure which.....lol

A few weekends ago I took Vic and the boys out to my Gpa's for a bbq. I was doing the cooking and kinda just doing what I do.....and basically it was not a very good day. Things were just off .....and I was completely embarressed(sp) But, I tried to make the best of it all.

Then a few days/nights later we were talking about things and he said that he was watching me that day and realized that he was falling in love with me. He told me this over the phone.....thank goodness.....cuz I teared up and I think if I would have seen his eyes when he said it I would have surely cried.

I don't know why I always try to analyze my feelings or others for that matter.....I try to just 'go with the flow' but, I think 3 steps ahead to be ready for anything that is thrown at me.....

I hope I don't drive him nuts with that....lol

Hi ya journal.......I feel like I need to be writing but, not sure how to get whats in my head out on the paper with out it sounding like crap.

So.....today, mom and I talked about a few people in our family that are knocking on deaths door and just getting through it. Kinda preparing for it. I guess. Then I was talking to Graywolf tonight about his doctors appt. today. I do worry about his health. I finally found the person I would like to spend the rest of my life with and .....eh... So not sure whats going to happen. I guess he has to go for a few more things. They might have to do surgery on his spine :-( That would put him down for about 3 weeks. I told him that I would be there to help him and take care of him. He quickly put me aside and said he could just go out to his brothers house or something else......but didn't want me to be put out. GRRRRRRRRR how do I get it through his head that I don't mind. Its part of what I do. I take care of people. I am a care giver. I love him dearly and want to be the one that helps him. I want to be part of this healing with him. Fuck does that sound selfish of me? I get confused some times with him. I guess he still doesn't trust me. I don't know....

I do know that I feel so hurt when he pushes me away like that. Why can't he just give me a little hope....

I guess I haven't earned that yet..........





But you know what....given the chance I would give him everything he ever disired in a relationship.