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So I went to see my Grandfather today. I haven't been able to get out there in about a month. I was so shocked when I saw him. I talk to him on the phone at least 2-3 times a week but, seeing him just hurt so bad.

He has lost so much weight. He has a hard time breathing and he's slow walking too. We have been blessed to have him as long as we have. Last year he was given 4 months w/ no treatment and maybe a year w/ treatment. Its been just over a year now........so every day is a blessing.

I asked him how hes doing and he says .........well Im still waking up. I said well thats a good thing. He says not always. :(

He's so tired. Says he sleeps all the time. Doesn't want to get out of bed.

I told him I am selffish and want him around but I understand how he feels....

Sigh.......... I just love him so much. its hard to watch him just slowly whither away.......

This was a good weekend for male bonding. Sean went with his dad out scouting where they will be going hunting next weekend. He was gone a good portion of the day.

Patrick went with Vic and another little boy, Justin. Vic took them trout fishing. They had a blast. They were gone alllllll day from 9am till 9pm. I was starting to wonder if they fell in and floated away. :P

A good day for both the boys.

So why is it that just because a girl and a guy are no longer sexually involved they cannot still be friends?

I just don't get it. It seems whenever a girl is single its ok to have all her guy friends and not have sex with them they are just friends. But once she is dating someone all of a sudden her guy friends aren't around so much......or not at all. I suppose that works the other way too.

I understand that when you get involved you spend a lot of your time with that special someone. But, does that mean you can't speak to your other friends?

Kinda reminds me a little like that movie.......

When Harry met Sally

There are certain people that I miss so much it kinda hurts......but, I guess thats just part of life........

COMMENTS

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LIFEBLOOD
18:57 Oct 13 2008

Let me tell you something that happened to me....



It was around this time last year when it started..

She left a simple comment on my page about my daughter, you have to know how proud I am of my daughter and when someone leaves a simple comment like that it becomes personified and I just had to message her and thank her ... and I did.



We got talking and within a couple of days we were on msn chatting and before long caming. We stumbled on ‘voice’ by accident, I remember being so excited about that and when I heard her sweet accent, omg her voice, well I simply melted.

To actually hear her say ‘’I love you’’.

Inside a couple of weeks we were planning her trip to the UK, it was going to be the first time she was to leave the country. I felt how nervous she was, I can’t explain how.

She was worried, she had so much going on with her grandpa, I saw it in her eyes, I felt her anguish. I wanted to take her pain away, he was ill and she wasn’t sure how he’d get on when she was gone.

The date was set, she needed to be with her two boys over Xmas and then she would be flying out straight after, we would be spending New Years together. I would hear her say ‘’I love you’’ in the flesh.

I had a countdown clock going on my page and was so happy when people would ask why? It would give me the excuse to say ‘’it’s a countdown to when my girlfriend would be here’’ ... my girlfriend. The girlfriend that loved me.

Well she came, and it was sheer bliss .... for me. I knew I loved her, loving her was easy. I was so scared and nervous having her around. She put me at ease and made me feel a billion dollars. There was so much I wanted to do and say ... I did neither.



I’m going to skip a great big chunk now ...



She left England still telling me she loved me. She has no idea how much I cried when she left. You see, I knew I would never be seeing her again. Again, I can’t explain it.

She said and did things that broke my heart; again she would never know why. Yet she could still say ‘’I love you’’. Go figure! Maybe it was her way of making life easy for herself, as for me I stopped analysing it long before.



Now she’s in a relationship that she prays with every molecule in her body will be a success, don’t get me wrong, I wish the same for her.



Now you ask:

‘’So why is it that just because a girl and a guy are no longer sexually involved they cannot still be friends?’’



As rhetoric as this question may be let me add this, and this answer is only indigenous to me...



It was never just a sexual relationship .. not for me. She had my mind, body and soul but she didn’t look after it. So how could I ever trust her to look out for someone who’s just a friend!



Yep, I guess that's just part of life........

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Ok so what gives......lol



I have a wedding to go to today and sure enough last night I had a dream about a funeral. I hear about that a lot. People dream funerals and someone gets married ..........they say if you dream about weddings people end up dying..

My aunt (Warriorinhell) has done that a lot in her day.

Anyways ......its the first time that I can recall it happening to me.

Just babbling

Hello my darling journal, its been a while.



Things have been crazy around here. Seems the economy has finally hit home :(

Starting Nov. 1 my hours will be cut......along with my salary 20%. I am not sure what to do first. I have been struggling to make it as it is.....but now... I want to cry but I know that won't fix anything. I am trying to be proactive and have already cut everything I can. Not that I had that many extras anyway. So now its just hunkering down and crunchin some numbers to see if I will need to take a second job in the evenings.

I already feel like I don't get time with the boys but now if I have to take a second job its gonna be insane!

I am ready to do what ever it takes to make it all work. I just need to be able to make the house payment and utilities.....to keep my babes warm through the winter.

Every thing happens for a reason.....I suppose this might be to remind us that we don't need all the techology to live and get by. It will force many of us to get back to the basics.

I am trying to stay possitive about it as best I can....I don't want the boys to ever worry about any of this.......