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The worst of it was not his pain nor his sorrow but knowledge. Knowing that she was still right there at the same distance but his view of her had to change drove him mad. He tried with all he was to hate her to not love her anymore but to no avail. The more he tried to not be in love with her the more she was an angel to him. She may have destroyed him but he did not care. she would always be his angel and he would spend the rest of his days trying to figure out what he had done to drive her away. It must be his fault. You do not just out of the blue not love someone anymore. He had given up his vices that he had to keep him safe. He had become this new person, one who was happy and wanted more than anything else to just be around her. How quickly seeing a name or getting a message can turn from the best feeling in the world to aching in the pit of your stomach. He had changed so much and now he was not to be this person anymore. What was ok to still do? tell her his every waking thought to let her know that he was not going anywhere... what do you do when your whole world changes then you aren't supposed to live there anymore? How do you tell your angel that doesn't want to be your angel that you still believe in them?

Memories are a tricky thing. In the act of trying to forget something we make it stand out more in our minds which gives it more strength and makes it pop up more often in our minds. Bastian was no different than anyone else. Sure he had abilities that made him stand out but even the most amazing magician is still just a person. A true caring nature shrowded by a lifetime of pain and hurt. He had no qualms about who he was or why he was this way. People touch us to varying degrees, some hit the surface and stay there while only one will make the effort to go all the way down to your core. This young lady did just that. From the moment they had met he knew there was something different about her. He observed her from afar as to make sure no one was the wiser of how he felt. There came a day when she was alone and he knew this was his moment to let her know. She fell for him almost as quickly as he had for her and he made her his everything. From first waking thought to the last before his eyes closed. She was his world and there was nothing he would not do for her. He opened up with her and she quickly resided within his heart. Some may have known him to be horrible things but that was just where they fell within his armor. His love for her was so great that he let go of more of the scarce few that he had kept close. in the end it was the same as always she walked away half of her own and half pushed by him so that once more he would be embraced by his oldest friend and the only one that truly understood him... loneliness.

A loud thud resonated the room as he fell to his knees. His head lowering as the tears flowed from his eyes. It had stopped him dead in his tracks and now he could go on no more. Tear stained eyed looked out upon his hands as the words in his head echoed over and over again "why?". In the time leading up to now Bastian had grown accustomed to being alone. There had been but a few select souls that he had been in contact with and life had been a simpler and safer place. What happened is well, what always happens. Bastian enjoyed his life alone finding comfort in the absence of others until this chance meeting. It all began with an innocent smile and a greeting and it changed him completely. From that moment she slowly became his every thought. I fear I am getting ahead of myself now. Let us take a look back at this transformation and see if we can shed a bit of light on where our main character lost the latest piece of himself. After the events of what now seemed a lifetime ago Bastian accepted that he was lonely. He was never truly alone but alone and lonely are two very different things. His group of close friends had dwindled to only a select few in the past few months as certain people brought back demons that he could not yet face down. In the end, by comparison, the demons would have been easier to face than the truth...