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when i look at the moon i love the darkness and i am forever more a dark doll

when i see the ground i feel trapt in the vastness of the earth i desire to fly

fly away into the arms of another angel

the one that thinks of darkness eternal

for he is not

for he is light

for he is love to me

i wish for his coming into the light

and also for me to come into the darkness

more and more of htat blissful past of mine comes back and temptations of that eternity come to me

come and haunt my ever waking dreams

for he is the eternity i want

the darkness

that dark ebony

wings of black night

I fell like a box not empy not full but unwanted and with nothing today started well and is ending just dreadfully. i try to be nice and pleasent to everyone and keep my hatred locked away, but when people make me fell unwanted, unloved, untrusted, and horrible i tend to get a like stark raving mad. Nobody knows my past thats true nobody knows the horrors ive seen, felt , and lived through some i wont remember on purpose , so that mabey one day i can love again, mabey even smile and laugh a little after its all over but when i get home and find messages that make me feel such anger again its hard for me to be nice or to love anyone i run away from everything so i dont kill anyone, to many people have been hurt by my anger and purposes so i try to swallow my headache and live with it but sometimes like today i cant and i rage on and write awfull things and go to far i lived a life without alot of things and now that i have some of the things ive wanted for so long i now feel as if i dont deserve any of it most of all i hate myself for feeling soguilty over things that are out of my reach

My heart fluters even more heavily then ever before, almost aches, i vision my hair in the wind at the top of my dreams in that hill in ireland my home,the sweet grass filled with rain, i feel arms wrapped around me and i know he is there with me.