The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Friday: me and a few friends of mine decided to go to this beer festival on Friday night. My girlfriend was working so she couldn’t come, which ended up in an argument for a change, but anyway.



One of the funniest things which happened was that one of my friends asked for a Coca Cola in a festival sponsored by a company called Farsons…that produce…Pepsi…Coca Cola’s competition.



Then we went round and found this balloon stand. We wanted to breathe helium so we bought these silvery balloons. This was hilarious! I bit the balloon to make an opening and we started taking breaths from it and talking. My canines don’t just bite necks they’re quite useful for other purposes. Grown men and women speaking like robotic children.



While buying Chinese food, which may I point out, it was just horrible, I saw the secretary from my ex job. This is quite a funny woman actually, she’s like 31 years old or something with long bleached hair who makes her look like a live Barbie doll wearing 2 inches of skirt. She’s the step mother of a friend of mine so I’d rather not be mean in the description.



After the beer festival we went on this ride … it’s like an enormous centrifugal swing. The second time I rode the ride was with Bryan. The poor guy was really scared shitless. I made it a point to keep my eyes open while going down from an inverted position all the way down. I felt my organs going out through my nose but the adrenaline rush was simply incredible. For some strange reason I admitted that I’m actually falling in love again…it’s incredible what we’re capable of doing while we feel we’re about to die.



Then we went clubbing for 30minutes, bought vodka bitter lemon went round for a bit and went back home. Actually clubbing sucked a bit. I felt like an outsider…I was wearing a green three quarters.



Saturday: Today, was one fucken busy day. I was going to organise a bbq for my birth day. I went for Francesca at abut 3:30pm, then went shopping for charcoal and other stuff for the bbq. Also, we went cloth shopping and there is where I met Maria. Now, this was one of the most beautiful girls anyone could imagine…4 years later and loads of drugs and I hardly recognised her. She reminded me of the Scarecrow from The Batman cartoon. Her body got so shrivelled, her tights are as wide as my arms and she was like just staring all the time. Did I ever mention how much I hate drugs?



Anyway, then, at my home, my girlfriend dyed my hair with blue lights and gave me a blow dry. The bbq was suppose to be held at half eight. Two life-less losers SMSed me just 10minutes before to tell me they’re not coming. One of them was a guy I mentioned in my journal. He made up this imaginary Italian girlfriend…and magically, when she’s supposed to come, always something comes up. First, we were going to meet up at Paceville, and in the middle of the summer, he got the flue…then another time he got sore throat, again in the middle of the summer…and last Saturday, ‘sorry I can’t make it because I won’t be able to finish in time’.



Anyway, some of the most important people in my life where there, my beloved cousins (I just met my cousins a few months ago after 14 years…in my mind they aren’t cousins, they are my sisters. We grew up together.) and their boyfriends, my female counter part Bernice, Marica, Brandon, Christa and of course my girlfriend. Seriously guys, thanks a lot for coming and for being so precious. By the way, thanks for the happy birthday Bernice.



Then my girlfriend came to my house. She was so loving today…again as I mentioned before, she has her very good side as well. Poor baby felt cold in the middle of the night and started to shiver. We had to wake up at 8 in the morning since she had work at 9, and after just 4 hours sleep, that was really bad!



Sunday: Fuck!!!! I lost my wallet somewhere. I felt so naked going out from my house with money in my pocket and very limited budget. I didn’t have any credit cards since they were in my wallet, and all my money are in the bank.



In the late afternoon, I went to watch a movie with Francesca. Now this is hilarious…the idiot at the counter gave us the wrong tickets. We wanted to watch ‘The Fantastic Four’ and instead the idiot gave us tickets to watch ‘Simpson The Movie’ can anyone please, for the love of homeless children everywhere explain to me how can anyone miss understand ‘The Fantastic Four’ with ‘Simpson The Movie’. At least it wasn’t waste of money as the film was simply awesome. It has some really dark humour which cracked me up, especially the ending ‘usually I don’t believe in suicide but I will enjoy it greatly if I could watch you kill yourself’. As we were walking to my car we started to discuss the time…it was still early…so we decided to go watch ‘The Fantastic Four’.



The Silver Surfer was my favourite Marvel character so I loved the movie. He’s not dark, as an image, however he’s very dark as a persona. Always analysing life and travelling alone, looking for planets bursting with energy, always somewhere between of good and evil. His image is so familiar, if people where planets I could be its human version. I’m a human psychic vampire, his image, is psychic vampirism on a large scale. Actually, the word life force is exaggerated and named power cosmic, but it’s still on the same theory :)

Yesterday’s gathering went relatively good. Actually it went great, but I ended up totally drunk. I can’t remember anything I said, except that I told some colleagues that I shave my thingies. Actually they passed a comment and I told them, it wasn’t a topic I came up with.

People at these occasions act and dress differently to what they are normally at work. I started to blabber about the person who reported me to the manager because of my logbook. Probably the message will get delivered but anyway, I really don’t care. In that case, I’d really hope he’ll come and talk to me directly this time.

Oh before I forget, dead drunk I manager to cause trouble. There was this extremely drunk guy who came to ask directions to me, in that state. For some stupid reason, I just gave him my cigarette (I only smoke when I’m drunk). This guy went away, smoking the cigarette I gave him, and suddenly he bumped into someone and burned his arm. Apparently the other guy was about to start a fight since he turned aggressively towards the drunk guy. I was too far gone to enjoy the fight anyway.

On my way back to the car, I bought some food because I was starving. Now the car was parked in this dark narrow street overlooking some fields about 5 meters below. Now, I’m drunk, not seeing straight, alone, in the darkness(only moonlight), my head throbbing, I have to drive about 10km to go home, and I’m feeling sick…so I went near the barrier (4 foot rubble wall)to throw up into the fields. To lean forward, I grabbed the wall and climbed up…oh nice…I put my hand over a fucken bee nest and it stung me. The only thing left to happen was for me to bump the car into something, which, thank gods, it didn’t happen.

I hate the 20th of the month, so today please bare with me. I’m a bit pissed up.



I was in this fucking boring meeting today, suddenly a woman came in the room and asked for me. Apparently the grand-goddess of the company wanted to see me. After the news stopped my heart from pumping, this manager said she just needed me to sign a paper. I wish she said that from the start.



Then the lab. manager called me, what the fuck happened now? Some lifeless son of a bitch told the manager I posted a photo of the lab. book COVER. It’s 666. why didn’t this bastard come to me and tell me directly. If I ever find out who he is, I’ll make him sorry he was ever born…well to be so life less, he’s probably already that sad.



Then I had to go bring water samples from the plant. I had to dress up like I’m Resident Evil’s hive. Me wearing a white suit with blue stripes and a head dress…that’s a new one. I nearly peed in my pants when I saw myself in the mirror.



Oh…I’ve been taking these pills to strengthen my hair. They are making my pee glow yellow. What’s up with that? I can just pee my way into a forest and find my way out following the yellow pee road.



A friend of mine was in Malta last week and she didn’t tell me. The reason: ‘I didn’t want to fall for you’ she said. This is nice! Apparently, this girl was afraid she’ll end up doing it with me. I just wanted to see her, as friends meet with friends. What the hell is wrong with everyone today?! I’m interested in one girl and one girl alone.



Last thing…today I’m going out with my workmates. Drinking in a winebar paid by the company!...this should to be interesting.

However, I’m not the type who will use or cheat on a girl, and since I had doubts about my relationship with Francesca (we’re always in between of being together or not), I SMSed her telling her that I need to talk to her live, and that whatever happens from then on, I wish her the best and that she’ll always remain a very special person in my heart.

We spend the rest of the day and Monday totally at war together, then I decided to end everything permanently so I told her we’re going to meet, so we end it like adults. I went for her to her house and she suddenly changed completely. She became this perfect loving girlfriend. However, as I had made up my mind, I tried to make it as easy as possible; explained exactly what I expect from a girlfriend and I can’t be with someone other than that. My expectations aren’t something alien anyway; I guess anyone who wants a serious relationship will require these.

I find that having a serious partner, and always go clubbing with just friends is completely stupid and dishonourable. i.e. I go with my friend on Saturday and she goes with her friends on Sunday.

Spending lots of money on drugs/alcohol is also something fucken stupid. It’s something teenagers do so that they can feel grown up, but someone who’s in a serious relationship would rather invest the money in the relationship. By this I mean going to places where you can get to know your partner; like winebars, bar or the sort. I would appreciate more a partner who’s not so much into clubbing, however, I do like going clubbing (metal/rock places) once in a while.

Last thing is the whole divine must in a relationship: trust. I can’t be with a partner I can’t trust going to the toilet and of course, I want a partner who can trust me.

Anyway, Monday ended with me leaving her home still pissed up and she waved goodbye and said ‘inhobbok’. This is a word I hate in my language…it means I love you.

Here is where stupidity comes in…Tuesday she SMSed me to meet up. And again, she was this incredibally perfect girlfriend. She started to hug me and try to kiss me lovingly. Suddenly I stopped her and asked her why is she being like this, she’s only going to make it harder for us. She suddenly froze and turned white, then started to shout asking me why am I confused and why am I treating her like this. Then she said that we can make it work if we can put our hearts into it and started to explain her ideas and thoughts. Suddenly she almost broke in tears and told me she’s hurting and that she’s with me and me alone, and not interested in anyone else. From a person who always acts like a kid, this really took me by surprice (which is saying a lot). My mind reacted really strange then, I BROKE UP IN TEARS and begged her to leave me, because I want something else in my life, I don’t want her to suffer just to please me, then I confessed that I’m going to hurt her and I really love her and I don’t want to hurt her like that. I can’t belive my reaction! How can I stay loyal to her when I can’t find anything in common with her? We can’t go clubbing together and both enjoy ourselves, we’re always paranoid on each other, we’re always hurting each other…why would anyone do that to himself?.....

Saturday 14/7/07



Yesterday (Friday) I had this evening meal with my workmates and I arrived home at about 2am. Then had to wash my teeth, remove the consealer, put moisturiser on etc. then I had to wake up at 5am to go to work…on a Saturday morning! Guess what? I arrived there at 6am exactly and I found the laboratory empty! My work buddy, Marilyn, was coming an hour later since she over slept. If curses work, she’ll get pregnant for sure…joking Mari :)

After work I came home, slept for 2 hours and went to Francesca’s place for a blow dry , then, in return, I drove her to work. Came home, ate some deep fried food and went for my friend to go to Paceville together. NOTE: by eating oily food, like deep fried Chinese food, the effects of the alcohol would be reduced. A good note to keep when after a night out, you have to drive.

While at Elements (a small rock bar) Marica SMSed me and said, I quote ‘hey swt r u in pv? I want to cu’. So I told her where I was and she came by, wearing a pink tracksuit-like thing. Well, beautiful girls look good in anything I guess but anyway. She was a bit drunk and sad, so I tried to cheer her up. Suddenly all boring topic came up ‘boys are pigs and don’t deserve love’…I wasn’t offended by that since I don’t consider myself a male much…all internet quizzes result I’m a woman.

NOTE: I have a boy thingy and no breasts. I’m a heterosexual, in fact, I find men in general and the whole manly image as repulsing…enough that I don’t want to be associated with one of them. Most men are beer bellied, hairy, smelly, with their only brains in the dicks, interested in football and formula 1 racing and their only aim in life to have sex and be seen as macho.

I’m obsessed with smells, shave everything except my arms, head hair, and eye lashes/brows, do enough training to keep myself fit (actually I’ve started training a few weeks ago), my brain is either in my heart (my light side) or my pride (my dark side), I’m interested in the occult and being independent/adventurous, I don’t care at all about the macho image, in fact most people who sees me for the first think I’m gay and my aim in life is…well that’s a bit too personal to publish on the net, sorry :).

Anyway, back to topic. I really got offended when Marica said ‘and you’re not any different, you’re with Francesca just for sex’. That really pissed me up big time. It’s already too much of an effort for me to stick with a total opposite person who I’m finding it very difficult to trust, someone rubbing my face in it really hurt. And just to point out, if I were with her just for sex, I would DEFENATLY NOT be with her. By the way, she got to this conclusion just because I said I’m not taking the relationship seriously. I’d only take a relationship seriously if me and the girl have a lot of things in common and I feel ‘safe’ around her. By safe I mean I can relatively trust her.

Anyway, Saturday night on the whole was great…of course I was with great company.

I left yesterday’s journal empty for a reason. It was such a fucken boring day that I don’t want to think about it. only one thing things happened worth telling:

I went shopping with Francesca … apparently I’m a great companion when it comes to women’s clothing, since according to her, I give very good judgments when it comes to clothes, shoes and handbags… *searches his body* pheewww I’m still a male…



Anyway, the day at work turned out to be so busy. I went there already tiered, since I woke up at 3am and to my surprise, the work load there was enormous. At the end of each month, hopefully the pay load will be high as well.



While working in the ‘Wet Chemistry Room’ (it sounds really perverted but anyway), Marilyn and Vanessa were talking about how pigs us men are, and how much we don’t deserve to be loved and the same old things, angry girls talk about…suddenly I told them ‘oh this is nice, it’s good I don’t consider myself a male then’. Suddenly, the three of them just stopped and looked at me. Josef, being a very manly man said in a very sarcastic voice ‘What are you then, a hermaphrodite?’ I nearly pulled a stomach muscle laughing. It was so funny…but then, I started to explain my statement seriously: most manly man (the typical, I’m the boss type male) are seriously disgusting; beer belly, hairy, smelly, etc. Personally, I passed through a phase where, I would mind going out with a track suit…actually I still wouldn’t mind that but anyway…I blow dry my hair, go out wearing concealer, wash my face with scrub and moisturiser, shave all my body hair (except my eye brows, eye lashes and head hair), I used to wear nail polish and I train to keep fit…I used to have a much more muscular body but still, I’m not in a bad shape.

Today, they gave us a company’s logbook, to write down reports of what tests we carried out during the day. Now this was surprising; each book has a code number…the one they gave me was ‘666’. My old nick name was ‘L-Antikrist’ (The Antichrist), I guess even destiny thinks so…



Now the time is 17:30, and I can barely keep my eye lids open. I need to sleep and feed….so tiered….

Again, I arrived just in time to punch in at work. I’m finding it so difficult to wake up in the morning. I spend the day learning how to use a dissolution machine (something that simulates how pills react in a stomach) with Marilyn. This is the person who encouraged me to apply for work with this company, so I have a lot of respect towards her. After I helped her carry a large flask, she said ‘thanks’ and I replied with ‘you’re welcome sweetie’. She just started to panic, then she explained that a few people there would start to gossip and put rumours that we’re having a thing going on…just because I said sweetie…what the fuck?! As she was explaining this, a guy from this group entered the room we where in. *I love being an asshole* as I saw him, I asked Marilyn, ‘What, you’re sorry we had sex, now? Why, because some jealous lifeless looser passes a comment, let him try’ She turned blue and this guy’s eye opened up like an owl. We’ll see if he passes any comments now….

NOTE: I never even touched her, not even to hug or anything, I just said that to piss the guy up. In Maltese it sounds funnier than in English, but anyway.



After I came home, I went to change my clothes and wash my hands and face…it’s kind of a ritual I’m used to do, after work. However, as the bath room’s door and window were closed it was quite dark and I kept looking at myself in the mirror. At the moment my hair is blow dried and I just stood there looking at the reflection. I got a déjà vu, of me 3 year ago. I used to have long hair back then, then I shaved it and 4 months ago, I started to grow it back. I don’t like myself AT ALL with short hair but I tend to be very vain when it’s blow dried. Today was one of those few moments I actually liked the way I look.



I don’t have a clue what I’m going to do this afternoon…fuck I’m so bored!

The day started again with Francesca’s mobile ringing. I went to pick her up yesterday night and she came to sleep at my place. As anyone who read my past journals, me and this girl have a love-hate relationship. Once a very wise woman, Norma, said that men’s ultimate weapon is his mind, the thing which helps us to survive. However, all weapons are self destructive, and this weapon is no different. At the moment, my world is split into two: the emotional part, which drives me to Francesca and the mental part, which respells her from me. I guess everyone looks for a partner who’s got similar likes…me and her are totally opposites. The only thing we have in common is that both of us have nothing in common. I’m no sadist or lapdog, she’s got a really sweet side as well…but for some stupid reasons, in my journal I only write the bad things that happen, which isn’t very fair, but anyway.

In the afternoon I logged on MSN and found a couple of friends only. Bernice and Shawn.

Bernice has to be one of the coolest girls in Malta, mature, wise and so funny…in a very sadistic way. Like for example we spend about 15 minutes taking the piss out of the 3 year old humongous blob. That girl reminded me of an episode in Goosebumps, when there was this green slime on a plane that engulfs everything in its path. If there was this girl on the plane, she would have probably eaten the slime but anyway. Basically, I think she’s a female (or a more female) version of me…hope you won’t kick my ass for this comment hehe.



(by the way, I have nothing against obese people, but being a three year old and eating a whole Pizza Hut Gigantic pizza alone…that’s just inhumane)



Shawn is also kind of mature but sometimes, this guy is so fucken boring that he’s able to make staring at paint drying interesting. For example this will be out chat: he nudges me



Me: Hawn man, kif int? (Hi man, how are you?)

Shawn: jien ok u int? (I’m fine and you?)

Me: jien ok thanks (I’m ok thanks)

Shawn: bbl

Me: ok, take your time

(45 minutes pass)

Shawn: bk

Me: welcome back xbin (xbin is equivalent to buddy)

Shawn: brb



Like what the fuck? If you don’t have time to chat why are you online?



By the way, Ghost Rider is so cool. It's a film worth watching.



_______________________________________



I am so fucken annoyed! I don’t have a clue what’s wrong with me; I’m being very nervous and getting pissed up with everything. It’s one of those moods that you’ll just want to break something…anything.

Maybe because I’m tiered, or because the weekend is over, and it was a total waste of time, or because of all these contradicting feelings inside me or because Dean came to speak to me how they used to sell his sweat after a fight in the coliseum or because of this movie I watched, Babel.

This movie is about an American family who’s wife got shot by a Moroccan kid, who bought a rifle from a Japanese hunter. Now this Japanese dude has this mute/deaf girl who’s obsessed about getting laid, by the first guy that comes along. It was kind of sick when she took off her pants…I don’t have that much hair on my head…I think I’m off women for these coming few months thanks to this scene.

For fuck’s sake it’s Saturday and still I hear the alarm ring…is it haunting me? Ahhh no, it’s Francesca’s mobile set to wake us up at 7am…on a Saturday morning after we slept at 4am. Once in a fairy tale, when I was 5, I remember that was this tale called ‘a good night’s rest’ I forgot what that means.

I took Francesca home, and she invited me in for a drink (coffee or flavoured water not alcohol…too much alcohol in out system after yesterday anyway). While sitting on the sofa, I have no idea how the topic came up about my look. For a change…it’s becoming routinely boring actually, another fight broke out. She just pissed me up, and I said ‘fine, you don’t like the way I look bugger off’ and I started to walk out the door. Yes, it was quite immature but how the fuck can I win an argument which has now sense in it? For example, she commented on my hair…anyone out there know of a time machine so I can speed up its growing time? If it’s going to take months for it to grow back, all I can do is wait. Personally I prefer it long, so waiting for the bloody thing to grow is annoying for me as well; I don’t need anyone else rubbing it in.

As I was driving home I received this text from her ‘does the fact that I’m in love with you don’t count? Are you going to hurt me again? (she meant after Tuesday)’ to which I replied, ‘babe, I’m tiered of trying to change for you, it’s your problem if you can’t accept me as I am’. The moral of the story: I can’t offer what’s not mine, I can only offer myself, and I am a sensitive dark sider and that’s the best I can offer.

Probably, most people in here felt like I do; an outskirt or an alien walking unnoticed in the common community. *thinks*



_________________________________________





I came back home starving, and as my parents were out I started to cook my dinner. Asian style noodles with shrimps … sounds nice enough. Something I should add here. I’m a perfectionist when it comes to cooking as you’ll see on the following recipe…but wait, I forgot my mobile up stairs in my room, so I ran up to get it. I remember I hid a cocktail yesterday…blue curacua, vodka and lemonade, I’m sure it will taste delicious with the noodles.

So I started to fry the vegetables until they are caramelized…I saved a small portion on a saucer to cool, so I can feed it to my iguana. Fried the shrimps in a bit of oil with chilli. In a clean pan, I cooked the noodles for exactly 2 minutes and a half by immersing it in boiling water with spices. Stir fried the noodles, with some soy souse, sugar and salt, added the chilli shrimps and caramelised vegetables and it’s done. Until it cooled a bit, I decided to go feed the iguana. Now, however said that the dumbest animal is a donkey never ever saw an iguana. I mean, I’ve been feeding him for 2 months now, each time I open the terrarium, the iguana goes haywire. It raises its tail and starts hitting me with it, running around the whole place, jumping like mad etc. A 2 second job will take about 5minutes with this idiot running around with me getting whipped. NOTE: their tail hurts like hell! After finishing mission impossible I went back down to eat…this is nice, the plate is missing…My parents came back while I was in my room, and one of them ate my food…I ended up eating a sandwich with gammon. *cries*



_______________________________________



I felt so tiered; I just had to go to sleep, in the afternoon. This really sucks; I always wake up in a bad mood and a stomach ache after I sleep in the afternoon.

Had this very weird dream today, that I was sitting somewhere and I started to bleed extremely thick blood…anyone has any clue what this means?

Christa, a great friend of mine, phoned me and asked me if I was going out today. Christa is one of those people who’s not mentally stable, just like me.

I’m in one of those lonely moods today. I’d rather stay home alone, clean my room and watch a DVD. At the moment I’m writing my journal and watching some videos of Cradle of Filth.

It took me from 7pm to 11pm to clean a 5m by 3m room…no wonder I’m an analyst not a cleaner.

I decided to wash my baby before I watch a DVD, so mission impossible starts. 1) don’t grab an iguana by the tail 2) don’t approach it from the front or it will whip you…and trust me, it hurts! After WWIII, I managed to grab the bastard, took him to the shower and washed him with tepid water. They’re suppose to be great swimmers and divers, as this freak saw the water, it freaked out, started to scratch me like mad. Now getting scratched is usually a major turn on, getting scratched by a man is weird…by an iguana…it’s so freaky. OK this sounded really bad, let me rephrase, I wasn’t turned on by an iguana, this was just a general comment. Fuck my hands hurt, I wish I had nails like that!

I heard the MSN message ringing…it’s Marica. This girl used to train ninjutsu with me. She’s smart, intelligent, kind of sexy and one of the few people I really trust. We spend an hour or so chatting but she went to sleep early…who sleeps at 22:30 Saturday night?! But the poor girl was tiered apparently. I’m bored to death now, that no one’s online, so I’m going to watch Ghost Rider. The comments on this movie will be posted tomorrow.

After yesterday’s fiasco, I tried to be honest with this girl and instead of making a point, I kept running around and accomplished nothing, I woke up a bit down. Maybe it’s just a nice dream which will never become a reality, who know.

Making use of company property, why not? Sitting on the computer, me and Priscilla started to talk about Vampire Rave and I told her and Gevit that I’ve mentions them in my journal. They were so curious that Gevit accessed the internet from the company’s computer…most of you are probably asking ‘What’s the big deal?’. The company I work with, is one of biggest companies in the pharmaceutical world. All their data is carefully protected and ‘hidden’ from the world. This is the big deal, a lot of results and recipes which costs millions but anyway, he’s a blond bimbo, off to the rest of the day.

Today I actually started to do some work in my section, so for half the day I was with this woman, Hannah. She started to tell me about how she used to make pills 15 years ago and where she used to work … I forgot where she said she’s from…somewhere Nordic. Unfucken believable, every Friday I’m going to spend 3 hours of my life testing water! Anyway they pay is good, so no complains from me. Speaking of testing water…I’d like to know the idiot who approves the tap water quality here…maybe some farmer, illegal immigrant from the centre of Nigeria. It contains more salts than the fucken sea, and more heavy metals then Coconut (a rock/metal club in Paceville).

Francesca asked me to meet again. She said she’ll blow dry my hair and asked to go near her friends at Rabat. Her friends consist mainly of this girl, Stephania and her boy friend. Three party junkies and me…this should be interesting. Actually, I’m not in the mood to go out, my head hurts like hell. I’ve been awake since 5:45am and due to amount of coffee I’m drinking…that dear Priscilla makes very deliciously, my body got a caffeine over dose. I went to bed at about 17:00 to rest and my body kept trembling like I’ve got Parkinson’s disease…however my mind is soooo tiered.

I haven’t decided if I’d go out or not yet, however, if I go out I’m sure to come back home with a story worth telling…the sacrifices I have to do in order to write a good journal. SIDE NOTE: I’d really appreciate if someone messages me to tell me if my events are boring, annoying, funny or hilarious, etc. or things people may think I should change.

Ohhh great, Dean came to chat on MSN…this guy is the meaning to the saying ‘simple things amuse simple minds’. Like he spends 5minutes laughing his ass of just because he says ‘Nu Jangua’ or planning how to escape from Malta when a nuclear war breaks and our only escape is to go to South Africa or even better, what to do when Malta breaks in civil war.

I’ve decided to go out…a decision I’ll surely regret. I’m sure going to miss that night out with you Bernice. That night was great.

What did I say? I’m regretting going out! When Francesca and I met, she told me that we’re not going out since her friend broke up with her boy friend…thank the Gods!(for not going out, and not for the couple breaking up, obviously) Instead of going out, she blow dried my hair. At the moment I’ve got 8cm long hair, which is quite hard to blow dry but anyway, after 6 head burns it was done. What a fucken stupid ass I was, to shave my hair 2 years ago!

After two hours or so she came to my home for a sleep over…what a night of sex we had! ...writing this, I can’t help but smile with the sarcasm in this sentence. We did fuck, but in an other way. Again we broke in a fight when she asked me about Daniela, my ex. Like what the hell, my ex was perfect, long dark hair, blue eyes, tall sexy body and her looks where like nothing, compared with what was inside her: loving, caring, loyal, intelligent and dark. Speaking about her opens a wound far deep in my icy heart that it begins to shatter again. What an idiot I am *smashes head on the laptop* fucken school and work, I passed through a phase where I couldn’t control my depression and I fell in a ultra introverted phase. All I wanted was to stay alone in my room in the dark, trying to put myself together, cry my eyes out or wishing I was with her. This is so stupid but I really felt safe around her…all this and she though I was avoiding her because I was cheating on her!

Saying all this, however, I hold true to what I wrote in my first entry…it’s a mistake I’ll never forgive myself for, but she’s the past. No use crying over spilled milk. And no, it’s not sour grapes i.e. I made up my mind that my ex is AN EX, and I’m not saying this just because she’s not my girl anymore. I had a great friend help me get over her…thanks a lot, I’ll never forget that.

The bloody alarm started to sound again…it’s getting really annoying waking up so early, especially when I manage to sleep at about 3:30am or 4am. As I entered the lab. I noticed how the people there just looked at me like I’m an alien or something…maybe because I go to work wearing a bandana…I don’t know. It was quite boring until the early afternoon when Gevit felt blessed for some reason and made the sign of the cross. I shivered and for the first time, he noticed I’m not catholic…this guy new me for like 3 years now but anyway, he’s blonde.

As we walked to the kitchen for some coffee, we started talking about religion. Sometime I wonder what era we’re living in…is it 2007 or 1207? Just because I’m not catholic, I’m an ignorant! I know the catholic religion more then most priests. Just because I wear black (not that much anymore) I’m satanic…what the hell? Have anyone on this stupid island ever heard of Dark neo-paganism?!

On our way out of work another topic came up…vampirism? Are vampires real, do they rise from the dead and drink blood? AGAIN BACK TO 1207. I was expecting someone yelling ‘burn the witch’ or a crowd building up with torches and pitchforks.

However, I don’t mind picking up such topics with Priscilla since she’s a psychologist and I guess looks at religion and fetishes from a scientific (psychological) point of view. She still gave me a weird look when I told her I find blood as erotic but anyway, erotic is not the best way I should have used. It’s the meaning being the act that I love, not the actual blood. No, I don’t need blood to survive, I’m quit healthy as I am thank you very much.

Shit….I can’t get this girl (not mentioned in today’s post) out of my head. I keep thinking about her over and over. Once I heard a saying ‘no risk, no reward’. Stepping forward would pose a real risk in my ice box (heart) but not risking it might fuck up the best chance of me being happy with a girl I might love as much as my ex….

If my skin was falling apart, I’d get a leading role in Resident Evil, as I woke up and went to turn off the alarm. It’s still dark, and I’m awake and have to wash and dress to go to work. By now, I think it’s clear I am NOT a morning person. I crawled down the stairs…more just stopped myself from falling down than actually crawling but anyway, drank a small cup of coffee (which I hate, I can still smell it in my pee 5 hours later) and drove to work.

An idiot decided to re-tarmac the main road in Tarxien, the city between my town and the town where I work, so a ten minute trip took as long as 25minutes. Obviously, I arrived late for work which really pissed me off. I entered the laboratory and started to roam about trying to find out where the new guys were. Gevit (more on this guy later on) was already there but Priscilla came late. These two are the new analysts working with me, actually, Gevit is still a trainee. Spend most of the day chatting with Priscilla while reading the SOP’s. About this girl, she’s one of those dead gorgeous girls who looks like came out of a movie and a psychology graduate. However, I think instead of giving therapy, this girl is going to neeed some hard core therapy herself, especially after listining to some of my likes and ideas.

As I arrived home, Francesca, my new ex, messaged me on MSN and said ‘ejja hdejja :/’ her way of asking me to meet her, to which I responded, ‘well, I have to give you your stuff back anyway’, but before meeting her, I had to go pick up my baby. A general service cost Lm50 equivalent to $150.

As I met Francesca her reaction was totally surprising. Instead of being the cold bitch I was expecting, she was this warm and jealous girl who just started to talk and said the word I hate the most, as Brandon describes it, the ‘L’ word. That moment, probably one of the worse times to be honest, I explained to her how I’m looking for a dark sider, and can’t be with a complete opposite….maybe my ideal girl is looking me straight in the face and we don’t recognise each other…or maybe I’m just being a dreamer….only time will tell.

Welcome to the first entry in my journal.



I must say, today (1st July) started out in a metal/rock club. I was standing near the DJ area, drinking a bottle of beer (why beer? I don’t really like beer). Standing next to me where the DJ’s girlfriend and another girl, that I went out with initially today. After about 30minutes talking to the girlfriend…I’ve learned her history for the past last few year. And may I quote her ‘cutting a long story short’ … but anyway, this girl is cool. She went away to dance and me and the other girl, the one I was initially with that day started to make a conversation and taking the piss out of a couple wanna-be Goths in our area. Suddenly, from all the people in Malta, my ex girlfriend passes right in front of us holding a crash helmet in her hand. She walked straight through, acting as if she didn’t see me…that moment, for the first time in 4 months I felt…nothing. I guess the company I was with was much better.

We moved to this other club, and went to buy drinks. The barwoman was pouring a drink, in a glass and somehow, she missed. The whole portion went right between her melons (bimbo alert!). She looked at me and started to laugh in embarrassment…however, being the kind hearted person I am I said ‘well at least you didn’t waste it’. Then I ordered my drinks (hopefully she didn’t spit in them) and again, went to stand near the DJ. There was this guy, who was totally wasted, probably thinking he was in a hip-hop clubs. He actually TRIED (and failed miserably) to break-dance on the dance floor. He went on his hands and head, made a head stand and tried to remove his hands, to which his neck responded by nearly breaking up in two…maybe that’s why it’s called BREAK dancing. Then this idiot stood up and stated to dance like he was Charlie Chaplin…then he actually went near the DJ took the microphone and stated to play the panpipes with the song. Now can anyone please explain to me why any sane person would go clubbing carrying his panpipes? How I didn’t suffocate in my drink, while this clown was there is beyond me.

Then we went for a pizza and as I was driving home, passing a large roundabout full of flowers, plants and trees, the sprinklers activated and I started to really swear! I just washed my car 6hours ago and these fucken sprinklers were misdirected, instead of watering the plants, they were spraying water to the road and thus my car. The curse of being me, when i wash my car! Always the same story!! But anyway apart from the car thing, this was a really great night, I really enjoyed the company I was with.