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This is going to be my last entry this year, and thus I want to reflect on it.

Well, the year started so bad, with a break up of a three years and a half in February. At this period I was during the end of the course I was attending and had to find a new work soon before I get stuck in this dead end job. To fuck everything up more I started dating this girl (known as The Whore by my friends, and most people who know her) who tried to destroy my very self, just for her own ego.

This decline continued until my friend Brandon (I owe you a lot my dark brother) pushed my pride by a comment he passed, during the end of the year (about October). I broke up with The Whore and committed spiritual suicide i.e. I killed the guy I used to be and a darker version of it rose from the shadows. I decided to leave my home and go live by myself, change my friends and my style. After months of figuring out what this new being was, I was ready to start another relationship.

To end this journal, here’s a list of people I’d like to thank:



Daniela: For killing all my feelings and shredding my heart to pieces. Thanks to you, I learned how it feels like to live without a soul or purpose. Quote from Fight Club ‘Only after you loose everything are you free to do anything’. Thank you for giving me freedom from my life. You started the big wheel to turn.



Francesca (The Whore): You tried to hurt me and break me but instead you just destroyed all that kept me living like a slave and showed me how lucky I am NOT to be similar to you and the rest of the 'common' people. I so much enjoyed watching you cry. Your last Hi5 comment makes me laugh everytime I'm sad. Sorry babe, you're not even worth the energy to hate :)



Brandon: For giving me the final spark needed to rise up from the ashes and introducing me to Blutengel. I’d never forget that brother.



Christa: You where there when I was at the lowest point of my life, helped me through the awakening process and never gave up on me. For that I'll always be grateful.



Marica: My female best friend, who I can always rely on. Always there to help out and exchange experiences. Always enjoying chatting with you and drinking Vodka-Orange.



Tonio: My male best friend, who I can always rely on. My candle in the dark, so to speak. Always giving life to a discussion or a party. The dude who introduced me to aftershock (the blue drink I love so much). Thank you for everything Tonio.



Antoine: My personal mechanic and car guru. Always there to help out when something is wrong with any of my two bitches. Congratulations on your wedding and for becoming a father. Thanks for everything buddy.



Terence: My little dark brother. Always helping each other out with make up, before going out and exchanging fashion ideas. Great guy to go clubbing or organising parties with. I’ll always be there for you brother.



Pamela: Best for last, my beloved Dark Goddess. Love at first sight when I met my exact female version, everything that I ever wanted in a woman. You were the only thing missing in my life, the only thing missing from making me feel really alive, with emotions. I thank you for ending a horrible year as the best year in my life. You're the only girl for me Pamela, I love you, always.