It's time to flip the switch...18:22 Dec 27 2014
Times Read: 388
Friends... Gather 'round so that I might tell you a story, about a time when I didn't know what the word "Rage" meant...
As most of you know I was a complete and utter outcast... For being fat, different, stronger, you NAME it, I had something wrong with me... It was always something...
But for a while I really didn't really know what to do... Their words seemed to make me very sad... To the point of crying, even... I was almost completely alone, except for a few people who kept to them selves, because they were suffering the same fate...
I went home every day depressed.... Sad.... Angry.... And questioning if life was even worth living, if I'm not good enough to so much as walk on the rocks of the playground...
This went on for quite a while... Until I really started to watch the professional wrestling closely... I knew it was all fake.... But that "Chokeslam"... So pure... So elegant.... So effective... That is if put to PROPER use...
No... No, I shouldn't... I just can't hurt someone... then all hope of acceptance is lost...
I've always been taught "Self Control", and yet taught to stand up for myself, even if it resorts to violence (A last resort if at all possible)... I had it enough on the ball not to ever break someone... EVER... But to hurt them was fine if they hurt me...
But kind and meek little me didn't want to hurt another... I wanted to be kind... I wanted to love... I wanted to laugh... I wanted everything positive with all of them... But the ways of many can't be the same, it would seem...
One day I just started talking back to them... I just shook my head and walked off and said " WHATEVER, you idiot..." That seemed to make me feel better... Only a little though....
This went on for quite a while... I just kept getting meaner with the words as they did.... I eventually said the undeniable... "Hey, you realize the ONLY reason you make fun of me is cause I'm better right???" Didn't phase them....
They just kept going... I kept hearing it... just the same words... Every... Damn... Day.... The teachers... THEY DID NOTHING... NOBODY STOPPED THEM... Nobody... And the parents couldn't get the possibility through their heads that THEIR child couldn't POSSIBLY have done wrong...
So one day... I decided it was time for something to change... I don't know if I was having a bad day, woke up wrong, drank grapefruit juice expecting it to taste like oranges, I don't know... But things changed alright...
I had coursed through the WHOLE DAY without hearing so much as ONE INSULT... I had no idea why... Now it wasn't common for ANYONE to talk to me... But I was called out of the classroom by my 2nd grade teacher... I thought to myself "Oh no what NOW!!?!?"
She was... Concerned.... She asked if I was okay... and I replied "I'm okay... Why??? What's wrong, am I bleeding???" She said "No you just seem... Off..."
Off??? What did she mean???
It had finally come recess time, and everyone was running around doing things as usual, but none stopped and laughed at me... I walked almost everywhere and nothing happened... I had thought for a while "Maybe they've stopped...." That is until I got to the swing set...
The main cause of the pain that was in my ass, Ben.... He was sitting next to his girl (At the time), bragging about what he had learned in Karate... I walk by and ask "Hey ben what's up?" Just to see if it had been true... if they had all stopped...
Ben turned to me and said, "Nothing you could do, Fat boy! HAHAHAHA!" His girl looked so confused as to why he would SAY such a thing... and then it happened... the laughter started from every other side... Just... Kept going...
And I don't know what had come over me... but I grabed his neck... 1 hand... Raised him high... And with all my force slammed him into the rocks... He was arched in pain and moaning... The laughter stopped... I had just Chokeslamed Ben...... I leaned down RIGHT IN HIS FACE and said "Yeah, but I can do other things..."
I tried so hard since then to stop... I have... I've made a good thing out of myself... I'm no longer angered as easily.... But as life went by-... Is going by, the nicer I was, the more ACTUAL problems would show up... They started making fun of me again after an apology to Ben I thought I owed...
And every time, I can't help but think how peaceful that entire day was... No laughter... No insults... No worry... No problems... All from being a little mean....
Things are getting out of hand now.... I don't know how long it will be this way... But... I may need to turn those emotions back on.... Damn the rage filter altogether... I TRIED to be nice... Kind... But they just won't let me....
Fine... I'll flip the switches.... but only because you all want me to... so... badly....
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