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SurvivalistPagan83's Journal


SurvivalistPagan83's Journal

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2 entries this month
 

My Phantom

21:34 Jun 29 2012
Times Read: 384


He pursueth me.

I feel oft his presence following mine own.

He ponders me continuously,

Wonder of wherefore I wander.

I think oft of him also.



He seduceth me.

Gentle and quiet but never ceasing.

He shows me a courtesy in his patience,

I am fondly remembering his voice...

So soft, so quiet...full of kindness.



He careth for me. A man who knowth me not!

A man who knowth my face and my voice

But who knoweth not mine actions nor virtue...

How doth he judge me worthy for love?



And yet, I feel a growing warmth in his voice.

As well as a warmth in mine own.

How my heart grows with his, but why!

I know him not! Not well, in the least!

I fear mine own heart.



He is mine phantom.

His heart, his soul, his mind, his caress...

It followeth me upon occasion.

Like a whisper that touches mine heart or ear...

Whispering his memory,

His brief moments of whispered thought

Occasionally caressing mine own.



I mind it not, only fear it!

I do hope that this brief attraction of the heart

Doth NOT be a play of the gods...

A toy of chaos and humor...

To please the gods with a fatal attraction

A desire never meant for fruition...



Please, dear gods, if this be true, let it be true...

If this be false, let it fade without pain,

If it is foolery, send it away.

I cannot bear it once again.



If it is real, I beg you to let us meet and rejoice!

To let our attraction blossom in reality,

Not simply the dream of our playing,

But a reality with the senses.



I will wait til time be passed and done be done.

But do not toy with mine heart, oh gods...

Be true or be not, just let it go where it will.

And play not with this already tired soul.

Give me my happiness and be done.



I have worked hard to find mine heart.

And sometimes simply waited for thine aid.

Now I remember his voice.

A voice that could lure me into hell.

A face so full of wisdom and caution.

A reflection of mine own.



Let this time, it be real.

Let this time I find mine heart again.

Let this time, it be done, for final, once again.


COMMENTS

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Poems by Miranda Martin

05:09 Jun 20 2012
Times Read: 396


My Quest for Knowledge:



What a venture I undertake,

What a new beginning!

Seeing new things, making new friends.

What is to become of me?

Who will I bring close,

Who will I set apart from me?

Who will I leave behind?

What will I learn?

What will I gain?

Will I change at all,

Or stay so plain, a venture of no reward?

Will I become strong, or stay weak?

Will I for once make a beginning...

That will make my sufferings end?

Or will it end like all things have?

No reward, nothing but more heartbreak,

More disappointment, more sorrow.

I hope to everything the pain and lonliness will stop.

I hope to all the suffering will ease.

And at least I can be the being I was meant to be,

The great and mighty vampyre nobody can touch,

No one can hurt or destroy, but one that cannot hurt others.

I will then be worth something, more than a nobody.

People will need me, and I will have a purpose.







My New Awakening



The Evil That Lives Within, I cannot control,

Though when he shows up, I somehow feel whole.

Everything is spinning, twisting awry;

I feel for once like I'm opening inside.

Soon enough I'll be going home.

Then, for the first time, I won't be alone.

My friends and family all will be there.

I will no longer need to be scared.







My Passage into the Darkness



Being alone is hard...

Nothing to look forward after work or school.

No one to hold you at night,

To tell you that they love you.

No one to remind you that you're worth it.

There's nobody left to fill the void.

Only emptiness, like a hallow.

Only sorrow, fear, and ever tears in the heart.

Memories of times that were good.

Regrets and hardships now try to fill the hole,

but like clouds, the just flow through;

never filling, never making whole again.

Alone, never to be loved.

All turn away, to better lovers, better mates.

Never does the love loved back.

Never does one stay satisfied, content with love.

Nobody to hold you when you cry;

Hug you when life gets too hard.

No love to satisfy your desires, eyes full of love.

No tender touch, nobody asking for more.

Nobody to worry when you don't come back.

Just want to run forever, never see love again,

But I know that's not me, for I am love.

I can no longer give it up, I am passion.

I am honor, I am love. It is who I am.

Love haunts me, because it can feel me;

My need calls out to it, and it comes.

But what love brings, it always loses...

From it's sight and grasp, no longer part of me.

There is no one for me

No one will choose to love me, give me a chance.

I held on forever, but am becoming lost;

Lost to the shadowed road

Of sorrow, of pain, of suffering.

Lost for the first time,

Never knowing if I can be brought back.

Where am I going?

I feel I walk a deadly road;

A road of destruction, yet I've only just begun.

Someone help me, find me, take me home,

For I am losing my grip.

I cannot hold for long, or I will be lost.

Somebody save me, for I am slowly passing

Into the void, where I can save myself.

Nobody to help me?

I am to be lost then.



The Truth of Life



The world is false,

Not one mite true.

What lies beneath,

Hidden in the blue;

That is what we all should see,

For that is what will soon save me.

People here are way too vain,

See naught but clothes and fair, plain skin.

Thin hips, high cheeks, week after week;

Beauty contests in daily life,

Charisma now is all that's right.

Those who believe are shunned,

No longer allowed to have fun.

Crazy are those who know the truth.

To all we are always running aloof.

If you are dumb you are right,

Pay no attention to the light.

Gods are outcast, werebeings killed.

Vampires beware of, blood is spilled.



Tearing At My Soul



Son of a bitch, why are you cruel,

Why do you do the things that you do?

Why do you make me cry inside?

I am tired of trying to try.

If you can't be kind, why don't you say

That things aren't really going to be okay?

Why do you make me feel so alone?

Why do I feel like me life's coming undone?

Why do I need you when you don't say hello

And walk out the door not caring where you go?

If I'm meant to be so lonely,

Then why do I seem to need human company?

Should I not try to be alone?

Why do i keep picking up the phone?

I'm so tired all over again?

You have made me relive what had once been.

I can't stand to feel the rejection;

My friend has given me a mortal injection.

I feel like my heart now needs protection.

You need to tell the truth and stop trying to lie.

Stop taking away my hope that's inside.

Lately you wear away at my youth.

I feel like honor now needs to show proof.







Tired of Being Used



No matter what I do,

No matter where I go,

Everyone is angry;

Everyone will blow.

Nobody cares anymore

How much I bust my ass.

If I do anything that's wrong

They treat me like I'm trash.

The fridge is full, cupboards stocked,

Nothing sealed away or locked.

Yet if I keep something for my own,

They will yell and they will mock.

They heave a fuss when I get sick

And need a day of rest.

When I live with another person

I start to feel oppressed.

I have to sit and take the wrath

Or out I will get thrown.

All they think of nowadays

Is what they have their own.

What they can get, what they can take.

For their own selfish sake.

They use me as all people do.

Not one can stand me.

Doesn't matter what I do.

A victim's what they see.

Sometimes I wish I could be through

And they'd just let me be.

I hardly know what to do.

'Cause all they do is rant.

If I want peace or happiness,

That's too bad, cuz now I can't.

Why is no one happy there

With anything I try to do?

I work hard on the house there.

Yet my ass gets chewed.

I need people to not react

By using me for stupid crap.

They care not what I do for them.

All they do is pull their act.

It goes on til the finally tire

Of treating me like dirt.

Then come in to apologize,

Disregarding the hard hurt.

Respect and love are better here.

Appreciation's key.

I wonder so often where

People might like me for me.

Someday I hope people will

Understand and let it go.

I hardly do anything wrong

To make their anger grow.

I work real hard an help alot

That should be fair enough.

But all I hear from others there

is "Oh well, that's too tough."





WONDERS by Pain Colbriana



my mind run wild this night.

daydreaming about you once again.

i catch my self to often thinking about you.



about your body and mine founding each other.

i wonder how your lips would taste like the day i get to kiss them. to brush mines againt yours lightly.



i wounder about the feeling of your skin under my fingertips. on how my hands will travel across your back each night as i wisper words of love to your hear.



i wonder about your hair tangle around my fingers. about it smell of it as i play whit it lightly. or holding it tight as i pull it to the side to play whit your neck.



i wonder how your heart would feel againts my skin as i hold you tight to me. feel that raising. that speed up as my hands linger around your body. and we make love for the first time.



i wonder if mine would stop. to remember for ever. the wonders of your body.



Missing You



So far away, how do you do?

I am so lonely, oh how I miss you.

The feeling of solitude, emptiness inside...

More often of late, I wish I could hide.

When can I see you, please hurry now.

My body is wearing, my heart runs to slow.

I need you to hold me, show me your love.

You're what i wish for, my gift from above.

You fill my hear every day with great joy.

How long it seems to me, since you were my toy.

I want to hold you, to touch your skin.

I want to feel all your love from within.

Please don't forget me. You still have my heart.

If you were to leave me, I'd be torn apart.



Shifting Tides



My life is shifting, yet again.

It seems to do so now and then.

Here we go, brace yourself.

All things past go on the shelf.

Now my life has changed anew.

And again, what do I do?

I watch and see where it has gone.

No changing this, for it is done.

This time at least there are those

Who help and guide me, I can't lose.

There are those I'd now protect.

I'd die for them, they've such effect.

A new one's come, I judge him well.

He reads me easy, and oft I dwell.

I watch him careful, I can be weak.

Hardly do I have to speak.

I worry whether I do right.

By trusting him without a fight.

I've been told he's good and true.

But I'm still scared, for he is new.

I hope to all I will be safe.

Despite the actions I must take.

Let's hope this sudden turn of fate

Will be good to me and my mate.







Odd Sensations From A New Lover



The lust and greed

For what i need,

It is too much, but I'll be freed

If only he could come to me.

He'd easily make me bleed.



He wonders now, how I would taste.

I'd let him bite and none would waste.

I thought at first, I would be chaste.

But all my heeding is erased.



How is it then he has me so,

Our love and lust seem to only grow.

The blood he wishes to let flow.

And oddly, now, I won't say no.



He's done a thing, I'd never thought.

An eagerness from me he's brought.

A sudden need for tasting blood.

He makes it sound so awful good.



He makes me crave a thing anew.

He mastered me, hard thing to do.

The thing he's done, only few

Would ever have the slightest clue.



Amazing, this new form of love,

given by the gods above.

He's my soft and loving dove.

He fits me fine, just like a glove.





Now I See You, My Love



I see you hurt, I see your fear.

You are the one I hold the most dear.

It saddens me, to see in your eyes

Sometimes I catch it, you are wanting to cry.

You are choosing to live, but wanting to die.

I feel your pain, and still feel your love.

You are my angel, you are my dove.

You make me happy, you make me sad.

I see you feel good, and see you feel bad.

I am beginning to see your name.

I'm beginning, now, to see your pain.

I wish so much, I can forever hold you.

Show you always, my feelings are true.

Scare away your doubts and your fears.

Brush away from your heart, those tears.

I wish I could make time go by oh so fast!

And when we come together, make it forever last.

I know you think of me every day.

I wish I could take all your lonliness away.

I want to feel you, hold you in my arms.

Keep you home, and away from harm.

I worry, now, since I've fallen in love,

I worry if you'll be taken above.

I worry now, if you may get ill.

If you may get hurt, if that is His will.

Keep yourself safe, that's all I ask.

Then come to me, that's your given task.

Remember me always, even when we part.

Cuz, remember, my love you're ever in my heart.





My New Love, Can I keep you?



I found someone to heal my heart.

He's shown me kindness from the start.

He shows me things that I hold dear,

And keeps from me the things I fear.

This man I love, so sweet and kind,

I wonder, should I make him mine?

So far is he, yet he does love,

He is like a darkened dove.

My black knight, how should I feel?

Should I accept this as real?

I don't want to cause him Pain,

But I want to not be hurt again.

He says always, he understands.

I feel safe within his hands.

But fear still holds me, keeps me still.

It holds me back, my heart it does fill.

I want to trust that he is true,

But this whole perfect man is new.

Friends we've been for quite a while.

His every kindness makes me smile.

I watched him once from my place afar.

He sent me video from the bar.

He made me stop, caught me in a web.

I became lost, my other interests ebbed.

I became lost, no longer cared,

If anyone ellse was waiting there.

To watch him smile, and think like he does.

He is careful, and I know what the cause.

I will end my ode to Pain,

By saying "I love you" again.





The Beast within, he wantts to see,

But I don't know if I should set free...

He pushes me, and helps me try.

To release this beast, i don't get why.

But this is something I must do.

To finally become anew.

When it comes forth it gives me joy,

Happiness, and love of toys.

Tho the fear clenches my heart,

Afraid it might tear me apart.

I know he's gentle, and will behave,

But still I wonder, still afraid.

One day I will accept my fate.

And then that day my fear abate.


COMMENTS

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