7/31/1119:34 Jul 31 2011
Times Read: 616
July 31, 2011 1:54 PM
Well, it's been a while, and there are a few things on my mind, so here I am, lol.
Not much has changed since Christmas Eve, really. As I stated in my last entry, the people in my life now know who I "really" am - everything that has been inside of me for so long. We still don't talk about it, really, and I still believe it is best that way. It's not as if there's really anything anyone can say to make everything better, so what's the point?
With that said, however, I believe revealing everything was the best thing to do. I don't have suicide on my mind like I used to and I think the reason for that is because I don't feel as if I am shouldering EVERYTHING I feel. It was sort of like letting the pain out. I still don't have a passion for life and quite honestly wouldn't mind if tomorrow was my last day - I really don't know if that will ever change - but things are ... a little bit better, if nothing else.
I have been spending much of my time writing and have been doing quite well at an endeavor I began last Fall. So, that is one positive, I suppose.
Things at work are still shit-awful. The situation between my boss and I has reached a boiling point and I want out of that fucking place so damn badly. The reason I have been there so long (about four and a half years) is because I didn't want to leave just for the sake of leaving, but it's now to the point where I am willing to do that. I can still keep looking for a job I really want after I find a new one. The way I have been treated at my current job has been absolutely asinine and I despise it with a passion, so I need to to get out of there.
Other than that, not much has been going on except for the fact that I asked a girl at work out about a week ago. To be honest, I'm really not sure what her answer was, lol. She said she is staying single for the Summer and has had a lot of bad experiences with relationships, so she is just looking for friends right now. She also suggested going for coffee or something once things settle down for her (She currently works four jobs) and that she feels if she had taken time to get to know some of her ex-boyfriends that she may have realized they weren't the right people for her.
So ... is that a "Maybe" then? Lol.
To be honest, I really don't know what is going on. She is still very nice to me at work, but also took several days to accept my friend request on Facebook after she suggested I add her there. I don't know ... maybe she was freaked out by my profile picture, lol.
Blah ... who knows? Truthfully, I'm trying not to worry about it too much. Whatever happens happens, I guess.
So, hopefully I'll have some good things to report on come my next journal entry, lol.
COMMENTS
-
DestroyingAngel
21:40 Aug 09 2011
Dude, long time no write lol. :P
I'm sorry that things at work are so damn shitty. I'm always hoping and praying for the best for you, just so you know. :)
The fact that you're letting more out and not 'shouldering' as much.....is a huge thing too. I admit that I have had some serious suicidal thoughts (especially recently) but when push comes to shove I just can't do it. Getting things out does help though...but only so much I guess. *big hugs to you*
New chica, huh? She cute? lol.
She sounds cool....4 jobs though, sheeeeeesh! Maybe she's too damn tired to date man lol. The only thing that this chica could suggest is that you two be friends, take things very slow and see what happens from there (as I'm sure you already know).
that and....WRITE MORE! Especially in your VR journal. :P