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My last entry had to do with dormancy, and tendencies of mine resurfacing. This has to do with steps I've had to take to keep myself healthy since.

I encountered my first two 80+ degree days back to back. The first day was miserable. I'm a smoker and exposed myself to the sun multiple times feeling it suck the life out of me. It's agonizing. I'm very photosensitive.

Blind rage struck me as I awoke the second day. The cat had broken a small piece of the mini-blinds from sitting in the window and pushing her way through the blinds to sit on the windowsill.

I decided to try something different the second day. I avoided all direct sun exposure. At about 2:30 pm there was a corner of shade on my back patio. I smoked back there, and it gradually grew larger since my patio faces to the south. I was trapped inside my apartment, and barely tolerable shade. I made the best of it and cleaned the place like a madman.

At about 7:30 pm I decided to test the water and go out front for a cigarette, thankfully I was able to say goodnight to the sun. I was able to take the trash/recycling out and recharge by soaking up the night.

My mood was much better today. It only reached about 60 degrees and it was beautifully overcast all day. I'm looking forward to my fiancee getting home. Whatever reawakened in me has me sanguine again. It doesn't take much to keep me going, but it's much needed right now.

I'm cooking her a lovely dinner in the slow cooker (Asian pork and mushrooms), and hopefully she has some energy tonight, as I feed off of sex as well. It's hard for me to go a day without bringing her to orgasm and devouring it (metaphysically). This poor woman loves me so much, but I'm sure a handful (especially when I get what I call "Testosterone Poisoning" and start losing hold). She knew all about me not being "normal", and likes that I'm different. I just am perplexed as to where and how this resurfaced!

Fortunately, a friend of ours who is an astrologer with over 23 years of experience deemed us legitimate soulmates. She had never seen it before in all her years. We make a good team, and she constantly reminds me that she's not easy to put up with at time either.

My life has been a shroud of mystery. I can explain how I feel, but not why. Perhaps it's genetics or a curse. There are as many theories out there, as there are possibilities.

The reason I'm writing this is because I seemed to be dormant for quite a while. The insatiable draw to blood, psionics, metaphysics, and daytime being too overwhelming recently resurfaced in the past couple days.

I can't describe how unspeakably awful daytime is for me right now. The sun's rays may as well be radiation (technically they are), and my mood ranges from depression to severe irritability.

I'm not sure if I was hibernating over the fall/winter months or if someone metaphysically flipped a switch. I don't know how it resurfaced to be honest.

I'm trying to embrace my diversity but it's not easy. It's hard to look at it as a gift when it feels like a curse. It's definitely a double-edged sword. I'm finally getting my psychic impressions back, I'm tougher than ever metaphysically, but at the end of the day I still feel alone.