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Weird..My mood just sucks lately. Really shitty and I just can't shake it. I have this intense urge to start back cutting. It's like an undying desire that I guess I will always have. It feels like I want feel any better or be able to relax unless I do it. I'm sure it's probably stress or something bringing these feelings back up. I cut for so many years and it was a struggle to stop. I guess it was the way I learned to cope with things at times. I need to find some sort of outlet to get my frustrations out. A better way, something that makes more sense. Maybe it's the changing of the weather, it's so darn wishy washy lately. Or my family just being so shitty and unsupportive all my life. I don't know. Or my baby having her little issues. I think I want to be independent and get out of this place but I doubt I can make it on my own. Where did all my rage go to it and where is all this damn fear of every thing coming from? I just don't feel like me anymore. I've lost myself somewhere along the way, but how do I get myself back? Decided to start back looking for a job. One of the higher ups at my old job assures me she can get me hired on there if I put an application in. I'm taking steps toward getting my life where I want it to be but it just can't seem to happen fast enough. I just want out, out of it all. Sometimes I just think it would be easier to disappear. I would miss my little one dearly and she is why I'm still here. I don't mean suicidal thoughts. I just mean fade away, forget everything.

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Isis101
23:19 May 19 2013

:(...

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