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I'll never foreget my first relationship... it was with Aaron Giese..



After being kicked out of his apartment my mom offered for him to live with her.



My step family said they no longer wanted me to live with them, and therefore I went with him to my mothers.



During that time it was bliss. I was a seventeen year old living with my boyfriend.



During the time we did a whole lot of nothing, relaxed on my giant beanbag chair, and watched The Last Unicorn and CowboyBebop while we smoked.



During the day we would go out and play with the neighborhood kids they were all their own characters.



We discovered a church down the road one day. It had a sign saying something about an Open Door.



Behind the church there was an old building that looked like a sort of rehabilitation refuge. We got inside and explored the abandon falling apart waste.



Behind there was a garden, where we would escape to to go pick vegitables. It was fun and exciting to do at night so we wouldn't get caught.



It all went wrong when we moved into out own apartment together.



I was trying to hard to have Aaron drink less yet he continued...



We found all sorts of animals during our time, Alligator snapping turtles, kittens etc and had all sorts of little adventures.



Living in an apartment without cable internet or anything was difficult.. we spent most of our time drinking and watching movies..



Because we didn't get jobs and were constantly together we began to argue.. but when Aaron blacked out the arguents got.. physical..



And although it was wrong, I stayed because I loved him.. and I knew that we could get through it..or so I thought.



That's when the pills came into play... I had cried and begged him not to abuse them so many times..but I was nothing..



It got worse and worse.. and even more so when winter came..



There was an emense sheet of snow.. and all was quiet.. it was chilling at night..



It felt as if we were in our own little chaotic world..



We got a dog named pepper..and I remember so well how we trained her.. her running through the snow... and jumping into our arms..



Our above door neighbors who were dope dealers then decided to befriend us.. however when we gave into temptation our relationship turned sour...



They used the car several times..ripped us off.. and got us hooked on their crap for quite sometime..



During the worst of it.. I found myself standing face to face with the dope dealer scared out of my mind as he lunged at me and Aaron hid below the stairs..



Aaron had done many things that..he thinks I don't know about..



But I do...

and they are wrong..



I don't think he ever really loved me the way I loved him..even though he purposed twice...



In the end.. he had really improved and I felt a glimmer of hope..



Then two days before we started our new life together..



He broke up with me.. and left me homeless....



We tried to still date..even though he had wroned me..



But in the end..after everything we went through..



After saying "I was actually going to call you up and say I was ready to try again."



He chose other women.. and now...I am alone.. like I have been all my life.. and I feel a pain unlike any other..and find myself crying every night...



I guess the moral of our story is..



That love doesn't exist.. and it never will...



=Amelia Drummonds